From 6c7889f3ee602a9f461f01e4f481030bb420e687 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: PatR Date: Wed, 25 Nov 2015 02:20:19 -0800 Subject: [PATCH] tribute: Making Money --- dat/tribute | 315 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++---- 1 file changed, 293 insertions(+), 22 deletions(-) diff --git a/dat/tribute b/dat/tribute index a4e90cb26..54a4e77a1 100644 --- a/dat/tribute +++ b/dat/tribute @@ -4530,37 +4530,308 @@ helmet, especially if someone was hitting /you/ with a sword. # # # -%title Making Money (3) +%title Making Money (17) +# p. 187 (Harper edition -- what's become of Harper Torch?) %passage 1 -Making Money, by Terry Pratchett -'I'm an Igor, thur. We don't athk quethtionth.' -'Really? Why not?' -'I don't know, thur. I didn't athk.' +"I'm an Igor, thur. We don't athk quethtionth." + +"Really? Why not?" + +"I don't know, thur. I didn't athk." [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] %e passage +# p. 177 (originally transcribed from some other edition; Harper edition +# uses American spelling for "armor") +# [some off-duty Watchman moonlight as bank security guards] %passage 2 - The Watch armour fitted like a glove. He'd have preferred it to fit like a - helmet and breastplate. It was common knowledge that the Watch's approach - to uniforms was one-size-doesn't-exactly-fit-anybody, and that Commander - Vimes disapproved of armour that didn't have that kicked-by-trolls look. - - He liked it to make it clear that it had been doing its job. +The Watch armor he'd lifted from the bank's locker room fitted like a +glove. He'd have preferred it to fit like a helmet and breastplate. +But, in truth, it probably didn't look any better on its owner, currently +swanking along the corridors in the bank's own shiny but impractical armor. +It was common knowledge that the Watch's approach to uniforms was one-size- +doesn't-exactly-fit-anybody, and that Commander Vimes disapproved of armor +that didn't have that kicked-by-trolls look. He liked armor to state +clearly that it had been doing its job. [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] %e passage +# pp. 108 (passage starts mid-paragraph) %passage 3 - 'The world is full of things worth more than gold. But we dig the damn - stuff up and then bury it in a different hole. Where's the sense in that? - What are we, magpies? Good heavens, /potatoes/ are worth more than gold!' - 'Surely not!' 'If you were shipwrecked on a desert island, what would you - prefer, a bag of potatoes or a bag of gold?' 'Yes, but a desert island - isn't Ankh-Morpork!' 'And that proves gold is only valuable because we - agree it is, right? It's just a dream. But a potato is always worth a - potato, anywhere. A knob of butter and a pinch of salt and you've got a - meal, /anywhere/. Bury gold in the ground and you'll be worrying about - thieves for ever. Bury a potato and in due season you could be looking at - a dividend of a thousand per cent.' +"[...] The world is full of things worth more than gold. But we dig the +damn stuff up and then bury it in a different hole. Where's the sense in +that? What are we, magpies? Good heavens, /potatoes/ are worth more than +gold!" + +"Surely not!" + +"If you were shipwrecked on a desert island, what would you prefer, a bag +of potatoes or a bag of gold?" + +"Yes, but a desert island isn't Ankh-Morpork!" + +"And that proves gold is only valuable because we agree it is, right? +It's just a dream. But a potato is always worth a potato, anywhere. Add +a knob of butter and a pinch of salt and you've got a meal, /anywhere/. +Bury gold in the ground and you'll be worrying about thieves forever. +Bury a potato and in due season you could be looking at a dividend of a +thousand per cent." + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# pp. 22-24 (Albert Spangler is one of Moist Lipwig's aliases; +# 'dyslectic' is accurate) +%passage 4 +"Let us talk about angels," said Lord Vetinari. + +"Oh yes, I know that one," said Moist bitterly. "I've heard that one. +That's the one you got me with after I was hanged--" + +Vetinari raised an eyebrow. "Only mostly hanged, I think you'll find. To +within an inch of your life." + +"Whatever! I was hanged! And the worst part of that was finding out I +only got two paragraphs in the /Tanty Bugle/!(1) Two paragraphs, may I +say, for a life of ingenious, inventive, and strictly nonviolent crime? +I could have been an example to the youngsters! Page one got hogged by +the Dyslectic Alphabet Killer, and he only maanaged A and W!" + +"I confess the editor does appear to believe that it is not a proper crime +unless someone is found in three alleys at once, but that is the price of +a free press. And it suits us both, does it not, that Albert Spangler's +passage from this world was... unmemorable?" + +"Yes, but I wasn't expecting an afterlife like this! I have to do what +I'm told for the rest of my life?" + +"Correction, your new life. That is a crude summary, yes," said Vetinari. +"Let me rephrase things, however. Ahead of you, Mr. Lipwig, is a life of +respectable quiet contentment, of civic dignity, and, of course, in the +fullness of time, a pension. Not to mention, of course, the proud gold-ish +chain." + +Moist winced at this. "And if I /don't/ do what you say?" + +"Hmm? Oh, you misunderstand me, Mr. Lipwig. That is what will happen to +you if you decline my offer. If you accept it, you will survive on your +wits against powerful and dangerous enemies, with every day presenting +fresh challanges. Someone may even try to kill you." + +"What? Why?" + +"You annoy people. A hat goes with the job, incidentally." + +(1) A periodical published throughout the Plains, noted for its coverage +of murder (preferably 'orrible) trials, prison escapes, and the world that +in general is surrounded by a chalk outline. Very popular. + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +#p. 71 +%passage 5 +When he got back to the Post Office, Moist looked up the Lavish family in +/Whom's Whom/. They were indeed what was known of as "old money," which +meant that it had been made so long ago that the black deeds which had +originally filled the coffers were now historically irrelevant. Funny, +that: a brigand for a father was something you kept quiet about, but a +slave-taking pirate for a great-great-great-grandfather was something to +boast of over the port. Time turned the evil bastards into rogues, and +/rogue/ was a word with a twinkle in its eye and nothing to be ashamed of. + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 72 ('clacks' is a communication system, here analogous to a telegraph) +%passage 6 +He spotted the flimsy pink clacks among the other stuff and tugged it out +quickly. + +It was from Spike! + +He read: + + SUCCESS. RETURNING DAY AFTER TOMMOROW. + ALL WILL BE REVEALED. S. + +Moist put it down carefully. + +Obviously she'd missed him terribly and was desperate to see him again, but +she was stingy about spending Golem Trust money. Also, she'd probably run +out of cigarettes. + +Moist drummed his fingers on the desk. A year ago he'd asked Adora Belle +Dearheart to be his wife, and she'd explained that, in fact, he was going +to be her husband. + +It was going to be... well, it was going to be sometime in the near future, +when Mrs. Dearheart finally lost patience with her daughter's busy schedule +and arranged the wedding herself. + +But he was a nearly married man, however you looked at it. And nearly +married men didn't get mixed up with the Lavish family. A nearly married +man was steadfast and dependable and always ready to hand his nearly wife +an ashtray. He had to be there for his oneday children, and make sure +they slept in a well-ventilated nursery. + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 79 (passage starts mid-paragraph; departed Mrs. Lavish is a bank owner) +%passage 7 +"[...] Now what, Mr. Death?" + +NOW? said Death. NOW, YOU COULD SAY, COMES... THE AUDIT. + +"Oh. There is one, is there? Well, I'm not ashamed." + +THAT COUNTS. + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# pp. 183-184 (American spelling of 'gray' is accurate) +%passage 8 +Moist lit the lamp and walked over to the battered wreckage of his wardrobe. +Once again he selected the tatty gray suit. It had sentimental value; he +had been hanged in it. And it was an unmemorable suit for an unmemorable +man, with the additional advantage, unlike black, of not showing up in the +dark.(1) [...] + +(1) Every assassin knew that real black often stood out in the dark, +because the night in the city is usually never full black, and that gray +or green merge much better. But they wore black anyway, because style +trumps utility every time. + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 218 +%passage 9 +"All right, then," said Moist, "/what does it do/?" + +"We don't know." + +"How does it work?" + +"We don't know." + +"Where did it come from?" + +"We don't know." + +"Well, that seems to be all," said Moist sarcastically. "Oh no, one last +one: what is it? And let me tell you, I'm agog." + +"That may be the wrong sort of question to ask," said Ponder, shaking his +head. "Technically it appears to be a classic Bag of Holding but with /n/ +mouths, where /n/ is the number of items in an eleven-dimensional universe, +which are not currently alive, not pink, and can fit in a cubical drawer +14.14 inches on a side, divided by P." + +"What's P?" + +"That may be the wrong sort of question." + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 225 (passage starts mid-paragraph) +%passage 10 +"[...] I'll talk to Dr. Hicks. He's the head of the Department of +Postmortem Communications." + +"Postmortem Com..." Moist began. "Isn't that the same as necroman--" + +"I said the /Department of Postmortem Communications/," said Ponder very +firmly. [...] + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 247 (it's a spirit summoned by Dr. Hicks that is describing the risk) +%passage 11 +"Necromancy is a fine art?" said Moist. + +"None finer, young man. Get things just a tiny bit wrong and the spirits +of the vengeful dead may enter your head via your ears and blow your brains +out down your nose." + +The eyes of Moist and Adora Belle focused on Dr. Hicks like those of an +archer on his target. He waved his hands frantically and mouthed, "Not +very often!" + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 269 +%passage 12 +"If you can't stand the heat, get off the pot, that's what I always say," +said a senior clerk, and there was a general murmur of agreement. + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 264 (passage starts mid-paragraph) +%passage 13 +[...] if the fundamental occult maxim "as above, so below" was true, then +so was "as below, so above"... + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 280 +%passage 14 +"In the Old Country we have a thaying," Igor volunteered. + +"A what?" + +"A thaying. We thay, 'if you don't want the monthter you don't pull the +lever.'" + +"You don't think I've gone mad, do you, Igor?" + +"Many great men have been conthidered mad, Mr. Hubert. Even Dr. Hanth +Forvord wath called mad. But I put it to you: could a madman have created +a revolutionary living-brain extractor?" + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 302 +%passage 15 +There was a saying: "Old necromancers never die." When he told them this, +people would say "... and?" and Hicks would have to reply, "That's all of +it, I'm afraid. Just 'Old necromancers never die.'" + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 336 (passage starts mid-paragraph) +%passage 16 +[...] What the iron maiden was to stupid tyrants, the committee was to +Lord Vetinari; it was only slightly more expensive,(1) far less messy, +considerably more efficient, and, best of all, you had to /force/ people +to climb inside the iron maiden. + +(1) The only real expense was tea and biscuits halfway through, which +seldom happened with the iron maiden. + + [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 361 (Mr. Slant is a zombie) +%passage 17 +"Mrs. Lavish, a lady many of us were privileged to know, recently confided +in me that she was dying," said Vetinari. "She asked me for advice on the +future of the bank, given that her obvious heirs were, in her words, 'as +nasty a bunch of weasels as you could ever hope not to meet--'" + +All thirty-one of the Lavish lawyers stood up and spoke at once, incuring +a total cost to clients of $AM119.28p. + +Mr. Slant glared at them. + +Mr. Slant did not, despite what had been said, have the respect of Ankh- +Morpork's legal profession. He commanded its fear. Death had not +diminished his encyclopedic memory, his guile, his talent for corkscrew +reasoning, and the vitriol of his stare. Do not cross me this day, it +advised the lawyers. Do not cross me, for if you do I will have the flesh +from your very bones and the marrow therein. You know those leather-bound +tomes you have on the wall behind your desks to impress your clients? I +have read them all, and wrote half of them. Do not try me. I am not in a +good mood. + +One by one, they sat down.(1) + +(1) Total cost, including time and disbursements: $AM253.16p. [Making Money, by Terry Pratchett] %e passage -- 2.40.0