From: PatR Date: Fri, 25 Sep 2015 01:52:39 +0000 (-0700) Subject: tribute: Jingo X-Git-Tag: NetHack-3.6.0_RC01~191 X-Git-Url: https://granicus.if.org/sourcecode?a=commitdiff_plain;h=08947dcdfa01f7815b1257fadd9af4310a1ec1d0;p=nethack tribute: Jingo --- diff --git a/dat/tribute b/dat/tribute index 35f431a1b..c4f0ce89f 100644 --- a/dat/tribute +++ b/dat/tribute @@ -2172,84 +2172,285 @@ Death. OR THE FAME. OR BECAUSE THEY SHOULDN'T. # # # -%title Jingo (2) +%title Jingo (12) %passage 1 -It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to +It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. -If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. +If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks -of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do -the bad things. +of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do +the bad things. [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] %e passage +# pp. 23-25 (Harper Torch edition) [transcribed from some other edition] %passage 2 -#contributed by Boudewijn There was a general shifting of position and a group clearing of throats. + 'What about mercenaries?' said Boggis. -'The problem with mercenaries', said the Patrician, 'is that they need -to be paid to start fighting. And, unless you are very lucky, you end -up paying them even more to stop--' + +'The problem with mercenaries', said the Patrician, 'is that they need to +be paid to start fighting. And, unless you are very lucky, you end up +paying them even more to stop--' + Selachii thumped the table. -'Very well, then, by jingo!' he snarled. 'Alone!' -'We could certainly do with one,' said Lord Vetinari. 'We need the -money. I was about to say that we cannot /afford/ mercenaries.' -'How can this be?' said Lord Downey. Don't we pay our taxes?' -'Ah, I thought we might come to that,' said Lord Vetinari. He raised + +'Very well, then, by jingo!' he snarled. 'Alone!' + +'We could certainly do with one,' said Lord Vetinari. 'We need the money. +I was about to say that we cannot /afford/ mercenaries.' + +'How can this be?' said Lord Downey. Don't we pay our taxes?' + +'Ah, I thought we might come to that,' said Lord Vetinari. He raised his hand and, on cue again, his clerk placed a piece of paper in it. -'Let me see now . . . ah yes. Guild of Assassins . . . Gross earnings -in the last year: AM$13,207,048. Taxes paid in the last year: -forty-seven dollars, twenty-two pence and what on examination turned -out to be a Hershebian half-/dong/, worth one eighth of a penny.' -'That's all perfectly legal! The Guild of Accountants--' -'Ah yes. Guild of Accountants: gross earnings AM$7,999,011. -Taxes paid: nil. But, ah yes, I see they applied for a rebate of -AM$200,000.' + +'Let me see now ... ah yes. Guild of Assassins ... Gross earnings in +the last year: AM$13,207,048. Taxes paid in the last year: forty-seven +dollars, twenty-two pence and what on examination turned out to be a +Hershebian half-/dong/, worth one eighth of a penny.' + +'That's all perfectly legal! The Guild of Accountants--' + +'Ah yes. Guild of Accountants: gross earnings AM$7,999,011. Taxes paid: +nil. But, ah yes, I see they applied for a rebate of AM$200,000.' + 'And what we received, I may say, included a Hershebian half-/dong/,' said Mr Frostrip of the Guild of Accountants. + 'What goes around comes around,' said Vetinari calmly. -He tossed the paper aside. 'Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like -dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with -the minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is -moo.' + +He tossed the paper aside. 'Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy +farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the +minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo.' + 'Are you telling us that Ankh-Morpork is /bankrupt/?' said Downey. -'Of course. While, at the same time, full of rich people. I trust they -have been spending their good fortume on swords.' -'And you have /allowed/ this wholesale tax avoidance?' said Lord -Selachii. 'Oh, the taxes haven't been avoided,' said Lord Vetinari. -'Or even evaded. They just haven't been paid.' + +'Of course. While, at the same time, full of rich people. I trust they +have been spending their good fortune on swords.' + +'And you have /allowed/ this wholesale tax avoidance?' said Lord Selachii. + +'Oh, the taxes haven't been avoided,' said Lord Vetinari. 'Or even evaded. +They just haven't been paid.' + 'That is a disgusting state of affairs!' + The Patrician raised his eyebrows. 'Commander Vines?' + 'Yes, sir?' -'Would you be so good as to assemble a squad of your most experienced -men, liaise with the tax gatherers and obtain the accumulated back -taxes, please? My clerk here will give you a list of the prime -defaulters.' -'Right, sir. And if they resist, sir?' said Vimes, smiling nastily. -'Oh, how can they resist, commander? This is the will of our civic -leaders.' He took the paper his clerk proferred. 'Let me see, now. -Top of the list--' Lord Selachii coughed hurriedly. 'Far too late for -that sort of nonsense now,' he said. + +'Would you be so good as to assemble a squad of your most experienced men, +liaise with the tax gatherers and obtain the accumulated back taxes, +please? My clerk here will give you a list of the prime defaulters.' + +'Right, sir. And if they resist, sir?' said Vimes, smiling nastily. + +'Oh, how can they resist, commander? This is the will of our civic +leaders.' He took the paper his clerk proferred. 'Let me see, now. Top +of the list--' + +Lord Selachii coughed hurriedly. 'Far too late for that sort of nonsense +now,' he said. + 'Water under the bridge,' said Lord Downey. -'Deat and buried,' said Mr Slant. + +'Dead and buried,' said Mr Slant. + 'I paid mine,' said Vimes. [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] %e passage +# p. 7 (Harper Torch edition) +%passage 3 +As every student of exploration knows, the prize goes not to the explorer +who first sets foot upon the virgin soil but to the one who gets that foot +home first. If it is still attached to his leg, this is a bonus. + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 34 +%passage 4 +Sergeant Colon had had a broad education. He'd been to the School of My +Dad Always Said, the College of It Stands to Reason, and was now a post- +graduate student at the University of What Some Bloke In the Pub Told Me. + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# pp. 43-44 +%passage 5 +"Hey, that's Reg Shoe! He's a zombie. He falls to bits all the time!" + +"Very big man in undead community, sir," said Carrott. + +"How come /he/ joined?" + +"He came round last week to complain about the Watch harassing some +bogeymen, sir. He was very, er, vehement, sir. So I persuaded him that +what the Watch needed was some expertise, so he joined up, sir." + +"No more complaints?" + +"Twice as many, sir. All from undead, sir, and all against Mr. Shoe. +Funny That." + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# pp. 78-79 +%passage 6 +Perhaps it was because he was tired, or just because he was trying to shut +out the world, but Vimes found himself slowing down into the traditional +Watchman's walk and the traditional idling thought process. + +It was an almost Pavlovian response.(1) The legs swung, the feet moved, +the mind began to work in a certain way. It wasn't a dream state, exactly. +It was just that the ears, nose and eyeballs wired themselves straight into +the ancient "suspicious bastard" node of his brain, leaving his higher +brain center free to freewheel. + +(1) A term invented by the wizard Denephew Boot,(2) who had found that by +a system of rewards and punishments he could train a dog, at the ringing +of a bell, to immediately eat a strawberry meringue. + +(2) His parents, who were uncomplicated country people, had wanted a girl. +They were expecting to call her Denise. + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# pp. 92-93 +%passage 7 +"What was it, Leonard?" + +"An experimental device for turning chemical energy into rotary motion," +said Leonard. "The problem, you see, is getting the little pellets of +black powder into the combustion chamber at exactly the right speed and +one at a time. If two ignite together, well, what he have is the +/external/ combustion engine." + +"And, er, what would be the purpose of it?" said the Patrician. + +"I believe it could replace the horse," Leonard said proudly. + +They looked at the stricken thing. + +"One of the advantages of horses that people often point out," said +Vetinari, after some thought, "is that they very seldom explode. Almost +never, in my experience, apart from that unfortunate occurrence in the hot +summer a few years ago." With fastidious fingers he pulled something out +of the mess. It was a pair of cubes, made out of some soft white fur and +linked together by a piece of string. There were dots on them. + +"Dice?" he said. + +Leonard smiled in an embarrassed fashion. "Yes. I can't think why I +thought they'd help it go better. It was just, well, an idea. You know +how it is." + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 98 (1st "He": Leonard; 2nd "He": Vetinari; last "He": Leonard again) +%passage 8 +He was as easily distracted as a kitten. All that business with the +flying machine, for example. Giant bat wings hung from the ceiling even +now. The Patrician had been more than happy to let him waste his time on +that idea, because it was obvious to anyone that no human being would ever +be able to flap the wings hard enough. + +He needn't have worried. Leonard was his own distraction. He had ended +up spending ages designing a special tray so that people could eat their +meals in the air. + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 155 +%passage 9 +She held the lamp higher. + +Ramkins looked down their noses at her from their frames, through the brown +varnish of the centuries. Portraits were another thing that had been +collected out of unregarded habit. + +Most of them were men. They were invariably in armor and always on +horseback. And every single one of them had fought the sworn enemies of +Ankh-Morpork. + +In recent times this had been quite difficult and her grandfather, for +example, had to lead an expedition all the way to Howondaland in order to +find some sworn enemies, although there was an adequate supply and a lot +of swearing by the time he left. Earlier, of course, it had been a lot +easier. Ramkin regiments had fought the city's enemies all over the Sto +Plains and had inflicted heroic casualties, quite often on people in the +opposing armies.(1) + +(1) It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military +thinker tha huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other +side then this is a valuable bonus. + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# pp. 180-181 (the same gag was used in the 1968 movie "Support Your Local +# Sheriff", with a dented badge rather than a book) +%passage 10 +He rummaged in a pocket and produced a very small book, which he held up +for inspection. + +"This belonged to by great-grandad," he said. "He was in the scrap we had +against Pseudopolis and my great-gran gave him this book of prayers for +soldiers, 'cos you need all the prayers you can get, believe you me, and +he stuck it in the top pocket of his jerkin, 'cause he couldn't afford +armor, and next day in battle--whoosh, this arrow came out of nowhere, wham, +straight into this book and it went all the way through to the last page +before stopping, look. You can see the hole." + +"Pretty miraculous," Carrot agreed. + +"Yeah, it was, I s'pose," said the sergeant. He looked ruefully at the +battered volume. "Shame about the other seventeen arrows, really." + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 218 +%passage 11 +"Er ... what is this thing called?" said Colon, as he followed the +Patrician up the ladder. + +"Well, because it is /submersed/ in a /marine/ environment, I've always +called it the Going-Under-the-Water-Safely Device," said Leonard, behind +him.(1) "But usually I just think of it as the boat." + +(1) Thinking up good names was, oddly enough, was one area where Leonard +of Quirm's genious tended to give up. + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage +# p. 274 (passage starts mid-paragraph) +%passage 12 +"[...] I mean, what're our long-term objectives?" + +"Cooking meals and keeping warm?" said Les hopefully. + +"Well, /initially/," said Jackson. "That's obvious. But you know what +they say, lad. 'Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to +him and he's warm for the rest of his life.' See my point?" + +"I don't think that's actually what the saying is--" + + [Jingo, by Terry Pratchett] +%e passage %e title # # # %title The Last Continent (2) %passage 1 -PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE -PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'. +PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE +PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'. [The Last Continent, by Terry Pratchett] %e passage %passage 2 "When You're Up to Your Ass in Alligators, Today Is the First Day of the -Rest of Your Life." +Rest of Your Life." [The Last Continent, by Terry Pratchett] %e passage