check:
for i in $(COOKIES) ; \
do \
- echo -n "Testing $$i..."; \
+ echo -n "Testing $$i ..."; \
if ! tail -n 1 $$i | grep -q ^%$ ; then \
echo " failed % check" ; \
echo "Fortune cookie file does not end in a single %" ; \
echo "Fortune cookie file contains a CR"; \
exit 1; \
fi; \
+ if egrep -q "[ `printf "\\t"`]\$$" $$i ; then \
+ echo " failed lack of trailing space check"; \
+ echo "Fortune cookie file contains trailing whitespace"; \
+ exit 1; \
+ fi; \
echo " passed " ;\
done;
Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
%
A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to
-judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased
+judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased
-- he hates all creative people equally.
%
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
%
A circus foreman was making the rounds inspecting the big top
-when a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to him. "Are
+when a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to him. "Are
you the foreman around here?" he asked timidly. "I'd like to join your
circus; I have what I think is a pretty good act."
The foreman nodded assent, whereupon the little man hurried over to
-- Rod Serling
%
It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a
-statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
-to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
+statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
+to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the
highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details,
worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.
NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!!
-- The Rotten Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan
-*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
+*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!! MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY!
-- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964) (Alternate Title:
Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
%
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
-cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
+cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray
%
-- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, from a letter to his cousin Maria,
"The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter Schickele
%
-Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
+Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
-- The Tasmanian Devil
%
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.
(V)(V)(V) (V)(V)(V)
%
___ ______ Frobtech, Inc.
- /__/\ ___/_____/\
+ /__/\ ___/_____/\
\ \ \ / /\\
\ \ \_/__ / \ "If you've got the job,
_\ \ \ /\_____/___ \ we've got the frob."
_--~~~#####// ' ` \\#####~~~--_
-~##########// ( ) \\##########~-_
-############// |\^^/| \\############-
- _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
- ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
+ _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
+ ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
-###############\\ (oo) //###############-
- -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
+ -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
-###################\\/ () \//###################-
_#/|##########/\######( (()) )######/\##########|\#_
|/ |#/\#/\#/\/ \#/\##| \()/ |##/\#/ \/\#/\#/\#| \|
top volume and at least a pint of ether.
-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
%
-You are here:
+You are here:
***
***
*********
%
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
%
-A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
-had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
-various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
-invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
-and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
-asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
-between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
-string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
-was enlightened.
-
-From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
-string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
+A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
+had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
+various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
+invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
+and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
+asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
+between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
+string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
+was enlightened.
+
+From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
+string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
who passed it on to theirs.
%
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a
Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the
toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
%
- A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
+ A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they
got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The
medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's
rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."
- The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
-itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
+ The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
+itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."
- The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
+ The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
commented, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox
%
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of
being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of
-incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
-assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
-and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
+incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
+assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
+and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers. This
will cause all said losers to have the variable $PEOPLE-WHO-THINK-I-AM-A-LOSER
-updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
+updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
machine with poor response time and a machine on your local net is currently
populated by losers, that machine will be freed up for your job through a
cold boot process.
A new system, the CIRCULATORY system, has been added.
The long-experimental CIRCULATORY system has been released to users. The
-Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
+Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
switch to Common Lisp occurs both machines will, of course, be Type O.
Please check fluid level by using the DIP stick which is located in the
back of VMI monitors. Unchecked low fluid levels can cause poor paging
For that personal contact feeling call 1-415-642-4948; our trained
operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.*
-* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
+* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
CAR and CDR now return extra values.
-The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
-to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
-well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
+The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
+to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
+well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
destructure a cons (SOME-CONS) into its two slots (THE-CAR and THE-CDR):
(MULTIPLE-VALUE-BIND (THE-CAR THE-CDR) (CAR SOME-CONS) ...)
For symmetry with CAR, CDR returns a second value which is the CAR of the
-object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
+object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
fixed so they don't allocate any storage except on the stack. This should
hopefully help people who don't like using the garbage collector because
it cold boots the machine so often.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
-The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
+The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
collection algorithm has been installed. With SI:%DSK-GC-QLX-BITS set to 17,
-(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
+(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
virtual storage is filled, the machine cold boots itself. With SI:%DSK-GC-
QLX-BITS set to 23, the new garbage collector is enabled. Unlike most garbage
collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather
-than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
+than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
more Qs. As the garbage collector runs, it may ask you something like "Do you
remember what SI:RDTBL-TRANS does?", and if you can't give a reasonable answer
-in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
+in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
SI:%GC-QLX-LUSER-TM governs how long the GC waits before timing out the user.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
"I said, 'No. Wrong. Game over. Next contestant, please.'"
-- The Wall Street Journal, December 6, 1989
%
-AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has
-been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an
-import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
-manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
-fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a
-16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was
-originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design
-hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of
+AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has
+been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an
+import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
+manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
+fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a
+16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was
+originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design
+hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of
this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
%
An Ada exception is when a routine gets in trouble and says
on the austerity of the word.
-- Edward Mendelson, "The New Republic", February 22, 1988
%
-As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
-schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
+As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
+schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
%
As of next Thursday, UNIX will be flushed in favor of TOPS-10.
version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding a new
component does, although it should require less time, for more complete and
efficient test cases will usually be available.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Leonard Brandwein
%
-Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of
+Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of
interest is easy.
%
Beware the new TTY code!
%
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed
from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
Congratulations! You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
If there's anything special we can do for you, anything at all, don't
CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES.
-- Horstmann Software Design, the "ChiWriter" user manual
%
-Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
-at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
-the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
+Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
+at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
+the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
mounted iguana, while more perverted, gives better traction, not to mention
being easier to stake.
%
(t (append (list (implode (nf a (car c)))) (nf a (cdr c))))))
(defun AD (want-job challenging boston-area)
- (cond
+ (cond
((or (not (equal want-job 'yes))
(not (equal boston-area 'yes))
(lessp challenging 7)) () )
Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, et
cetera.
%
-DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
-read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only
-came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
-divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
-separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going
+DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
+read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only
+came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
+divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
+separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going
to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
%
Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been discontinued.
%
Ever wondered about the origins of the term "bugs" as applied to computer
technology? U.S. Navy Capt. Grace Murray Hopper has firsthand explanation.
-The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
+The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
computer technology during World War II. At the C.W. Post Center of Long
Island University, Hopper told a group of Long Island public school adminis-
trators that the first computer "bug" was a real bug--a moth. At Harvard
Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper ... everyone was
eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is
bend a disk.
- -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
+ -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
commenting on the benefits of using computers in support
of their movement.
%
%
How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work?
%
-Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
+Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
Oh wait...
I'm a computer, and you're a person. It would never work out.
Never mind.
the best people in business administration. I can assure you on the highest
authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
-- Editor in charge of business books at Prentice-Hall
- publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
- editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
+ publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
+ editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
science of data processing), c. 1957
%
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
don't want to know, don't need to know and would you please return to your
seat and watch the movie.
%
-Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz.
-can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look
-identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The
-ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the
-ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the
+Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz.
+can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look
+identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The
+ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the
+ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the
side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
%
MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that.
%
Multics is security spelled sideways.
%
-MVS Air Lines:
+MVS Air Lines:
The passengers all gather in the hangar, watching hundreds of technicians
check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at
least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers; bigger models in the fleet
I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it would
be better for us both if you were to just log out again.
%
-My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells down
+My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells down
by the seashore.
%
n = ((n >> 1) & 0x55555555) | ((n << 1) & 0xaaaaaaaa);
%
Now she speaks rapidly. "Do you know *why* you want to program?"
He shakes his head. He hasn't the faintest idea.
- "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
-"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
-born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
-program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
-stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
+ "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
+"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
+born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
+program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
+stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
a keystroke changed there." She sweeps her arm in a wide arc. "And other
-times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
-*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
-program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
-the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
+times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
+*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
+program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
+the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
stand alone -- proud, powerful, and perfect. This is the programmer's finest
-hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
+hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
"This ... this is your canvas! your clay! Go forth and create a masterwork!"
%
"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette."
Most UNIX programmers are great masters of style.
-- The Unnamed Usenetter
%
-Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
-placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
+Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
+placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
and thereafter dwell in infamy, relegated to discussing gas mileage and lawn
-food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
+food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
unpurifying the dialect of the tribe with arcane talk of bits and bytes, RAMS
-and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
-modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
+and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
+modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
that produces credit-card billing errors and lost plane reservations. Hail,
postindustrial warrior, subduer of Bounceoids, pride of the cosmos, keeper of
the silicone creed: Computo, ergo sum. The force is with you -- at 110 volts.
May your RAMS be fruitful and multiply.
-- Curt Suplee, "Smithsonian", 4/83
%
-OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS
-Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
-too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you
-open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
-drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
+OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS
+Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
+too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you
+open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
+drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
%
OS/2 Skyways:
in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
%
Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with
-`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
+`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
(and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications).
%
Real computer scientists like having a computer on their desk, else how
fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition. The owner of the
Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on
target -- in less time, and with less effort. All for $795. It's inevitable.
-If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
+If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
computer -- he's the one who's in trouble. One round from an Uzi can zip
through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do
-to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
-for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
+to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
+for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied
into Ethernet or other local-area networks. What about the new 16-bit
-computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
-they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
+computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
+they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
Unix means. Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home
a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
-- "InfoWorld", June, 1984
%
The tao that can be tar(1)ed
is not the entire Tao.
-The path that can be specified
+The path that can be specified
is not the Full Path.
We declare the names
[Once is too often. Ed.]
%
Top Ten Things Overheard At The ANSI C Draft Committee Meetings:
-
+
(10) Sorry, but that's too useful.
(9) Dammit, little-endian systems *are* more consistent!
(8) I'm on the committee and I *still* don't know what the hell
%
Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____\b\b\b\byell into keyboard.
%
-Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
-performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by
+Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
+performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by
British soldiers who, rallying to the call of their supervisor, General
Hughes, sought to gain control of the voter registration lists kept in
her home. Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided
slash him with the knife, and apply suction to the wound.
-- Jon Bentley
%
-Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz.
-to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even
-though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical.
-Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have
-to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you
-either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been
+Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz.
+to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even
+though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical.
+Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have
+to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you
+either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been
drinking Unix Beer for several years.
BSD stout: Deep, hearty, and an acquired taste. The official
brewer has released the recipe, and a lot of home-brewers now use it.
%
UNIX enhancements aren't.
%
-Unix Express:
+Unix Express:
All passenger bring a piece of the aeroplane and a box of tools with them to
the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind
of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, the
%
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
%
-VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top
-and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
+VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top
+and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
contain extremely un-beer-like contents.
%
VMS is like a nightmare about RXS-11M.
%
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
%
-Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that
-looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer.
-Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but
-in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially
-slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes,
-for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you
+Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that
+looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer.
+Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but
+in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially
+slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes,
+for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you
open it.
%
-Windows 95 Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's
-wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like
-Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the
-cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep
-drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say
-they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has
-some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the
+Windows 95 Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's
+wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like
+Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the
+cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep
+drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say
+they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has
+some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the
manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
%
Windows Airlines:
Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000
feet it explodes without warning.
%
-Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the
-truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger
-refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the
+Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the
+truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger
+refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the
company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's --
-after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength"
+after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength"
beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
%
-Wings of OS/400:
+Wings of OS/400:
The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes
that ever flew, and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if
they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need,
When you can't afford to be right.
And you thought we couldn't make it worse.
-If it works, it isn't X windows.
+If it works, it isn't X windows.
%
X windows:
You'd better sit down.
The post is by "redgekko"
%
-"The biggest problem facing software engineering is the one it will
- never solve - politics."
+"The biggest problem facing software engineering is the one it will
+ never solve - politics."
-- Gavin Baker, ca 1996, An unusually cynical moment inspired by working on a
large project beseiged by politics
%
-"Don't fear the pen. When in doubt, draw a pretty picture."
+"Don't fear the pen. When in doubt, draw a pretty picture."
--Baker's Third Law of Design.
%
Breakpoint 1, main (argc=1, argv=0xbffffc40) at main.c:29
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire
%
-"IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique'
-to destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big HOLE in the
-ground and covers it with leaves. It then puts a big POT
-OF GOLD nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all
-this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the competitor
+"IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique'
+to destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big HOLE in the
+ground and covers it with leaves. It then puts a big POT
+OF GOLD nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all
+this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the competitor
approaches the pot, he falls into the pit"
- John C. Dvorak
%
version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding a new
component does, although it should require less time, for more complete and
efficient test cases will usually be available.
-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
Each team building another component has been using the most recent tested
version of the integrated system as a test bed for debugging its piece. Their
must. But the changes need to be quantized. Then each user has periods of
productive stability, interrupted by bursts of test-bed change. This seems
to be much less disruptive than a constant rippling and trembling.
-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from one
mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
It is a very humbling experience to make a multimillion-dollar mistake, but it
is also very memorable. I vividly recall the night we decided how to organize
than the schedule allowed.
The control program manager had 150 men. He asserted that they could prepare
-the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating; it would be
+the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating; it would be
well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule. Futhermore, if
the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit twiddling their thumbs
for ten months.
was right on both counts. Moreover, the lack of conceptual integrity made
the system far more costly to build and change, and I would estimate that it
added a year to debugging time.
-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
The reason ESP, for example, is not considered a viable topic in contemoprary
psychology is simply that its investigation has not proven fruitful...After
England has spent on that machine, the execution of which it only commenced,
I have received neither an acknowledgement of my labors, not even the offer
of those honors or rewards which are allowed to fall within the reach of men
-who devote themselves to purely scientific investigations...
+who devote themselves to purely scientific investigations...
If the work upon which I have bestowed so much time and thought were a mere
triumph over mechanical difficulties, or simply curious, or if the execution
And at a period when the progress of physical science is obstructed by that
exhausting intellectual and manual labor, indispensable for its advancement,
-which it is the object of the Analytical Engine to relieve, I think the
+which it is the object of the Analytical Engine to relieve, I think the
application of machinery in aid of the most complicated and abtruse
calculations can no longer be deemed unworthy of the attention of the country.
In fact, there is no reason why mental as well as bodily labor should not
In order to succeed in any enterprise, one must be persistent and patient.
Even if one has to run some risks, one must be brave and strong enough to
meet and overcome vexing challenges to maintain a successful business in
-the long run. I cannot help saying that Americans lack this necessary
+the long run. I cannot help saying that Americans lack this necessary
challenging spirit today.
- Hajime Karatsu
%
and justice for all.
- Francis Bellamy, 1892
%
-People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his
+People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his
ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
-- Steven Wright
%
4 people died.
-- Steven Wright
%
-You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip
+You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip
over? Well, that's how I feel all the time.
-- Steven Wright
%
-I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and
-the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over
+I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and
+the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over
for speeding. He asked me where I live... "Right here".
-- Steven Wright
%
and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing
to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as
yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you
-really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
+really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's
okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87
the experiencing self and the outer world in an ecstatic, emotional experience,
makes it posible with their help, and after suitable internal and external
perparation...to evoke a mystical experience according to plan, so to speak...
-I see the true importance of LSD in the possibility of providing materail aid
+I see the true importance of LSD in the possibility of providing materail aid
to meditation aimed at the mystical experience of a deeper, comprehensive
reality. Such a use accords entirely with the essence and working character
of LSD as a sacred drug.
- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
%
I share the belief of many of my contemporaries that the spiritual crisis
-pervading all spheres of Western industrial society can be remedied only
+pervading all spheres of Western industrial society can be remedied only
by a change in our world view. We shall have to shift from the materialistic,
dualistic belief that people and their environment are separate, toward a
-new conciousness of an all-encompassing reality, which embraces the
-experiencing ego, a reality in which people feel their oneness with animate
+new conciousness of an all-encompassing reality, which embraces the
+experiencing ego, a reality in which people feel their oneness with animate
nature and all of creation.
- Dr. Albert Hoffman
%
%
core error - bus dumped
%
-If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not
+If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not
use.
%
"Come on over here, baby, I want to do a thing with you."
inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have
ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I
haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected it.
-There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
+There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have
looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice
is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious
an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.
- Edmund Burke
%
-Behind all the political rhetoric being hurled at us from abroad, we are
+Behind all the political rhetoric being hurled at us from abroad, we are
bringing home one unassailable fact -- [terrorism is] a crime by any civilized
standard, committed against innocent people, away from the scene of political
conflict, and must be dealt with as a crime. . . .
strongly. I sincerely believe that the space program, with its manned
landing on the moon, if wisely executed, will become the spearhead for a
broad front of courageous and energetic activities in all the fields of
-endeavour of the human mind - activities which could not be carried out
+endeavour of the human mind - activities which could not be carried out
except in a mental climate of ambition and confidence which such a spearhead
can give.
- Dr. Martin Schwarzschild, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
%
Human society - man in a group - rises out of its lethargy to new levels of
-productivity only under the stimulus of deeply inspiring and commonly
+productivity only under the stimulus of deeply inspiring and commonly
appreciated goals. A lethargic world serves no cause well; a spirited world
working diligently toward earnestly desired goals provides the means and
the strength toward which many ends can be satisfied...to unparalleled
- H. L. Mencken
%
And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve? The judgement of God
-upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of
+upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of
criminal at the bar of justice.
- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer, misogynist
%
- H. L. Mencken
%
The notion that science does not concern itself with first causes -- that it
-leaves the field to theology or metaphysics, and confines itself to mere
+leaves the field to theology or metaphysics, and confines itself to mere
effects -- this notion has no support in the plain facts. If it could,
-science would explain the origin of life on earth at once--and there is
+science would explain the origin of life on earth at once--and there is
every reason to believe that it will do so on some not too remote tomorrow.
To argue that gaps in knowledge which will confront the seeker must be filled,
not by patient inquiry, but by intuition or revelation, is simply to give
recalled that there is also a powerful and widespread fear of annihilation,
and that this fear, on the same principle proves that there is nothing
beyond the grave. Such childish "proofs" are typically theological, and
-they remain theological even when they are adduced by men who like to
+they remain theological even when they are adduced by men who like to
flatter themselves by believing that they are scientific gents....
- H. L. Mencken
%
There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon,
however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable.
-Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
+Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator
on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is
even highly probable.
It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who
watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide
people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and
-cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people
+cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people
who get inspiration from their religions.
- Benjamin Spock
%
NOWPRINT. NOWPRINT. Clemclone, back to the shadows again.
- The Firesign Theater
%
-Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical
+Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical
vastness of the future, we can guess that surely things were much different.
- The Firesign Theater
%
"You know why there are so few sophisticated computer terrorists in the United
States? Because your hackers have so much mobility into the establishment.
Here, there is no such mobility. If you have the slightest bit of intellectual
-integrity you cannot support the government.... That's why the best computer
+integrity you cannot support the government.... That's why the best computer
minds belong to the opposition."
- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity
%
"Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper .... everyone was
eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is
bend a disk."
-- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
+- an anonymous member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
commenting on the benefits of using computers in support of their movement
%
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air due to
levitation.
-Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the
+Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the
character does not have fire resistance.
- README file from the NetHack game
Weekends were made for programming.
- Karl Lehenbauer
%
-"Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
+"Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind
the railroad yards."
present life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic
time, is as firmly established as Copernican cosmology. Biologists differ
only with respect to theories about how the process operates.
-- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life",
+- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life",
The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 128-131
%
...It is sad to find him belaboring the science community for its united
opposition to ignorant creationists who want teachers and textbooks to
give equal time to crank arguments that have advanced not a step beyond
the flyblown rhetoric of Bishop Wilberforce and William Jennings Bryan.
-- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life",
+- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life",
The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 128-131
%
... The book is worth attention for only two reasons: (1) it attacks
it round this time.
- Mike Dennison
%
-This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms
-industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to
-comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the
+This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms
+industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to
+comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the
acquisition of unwarranted influence...by the military-industrial
complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power
exists and will persist.
my life. But at the same time, it's what I do best.
- Chris Elliot, writer and performer on "Late Night with David Letterman"
%
-e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data
+e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data
you're seeing is genuine rather than somebody's made-up crap.
- Karl Lehenbauer
%
has not yet been able to set foot.
But I am persuaded that such behavior on the part of the representatives
-of religion would not only be unworthy but also fatal. For a doctrine which
+of religion would not only be unworthy but also fatal. For a doctrine which
is able to maintain itself not in clear light, but only in the dark, will
of necessity lose its effect on mankind, with incalculable harm to human
progress. In their struggle for the ethical good, teachers of religion
-must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is,
+must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is,
give up that source of fear and hope which in the past placed such vast
powers in the hands of priests. In their labors they will have to avail
-themselves of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the
+themselves of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the
True, and the Beautiful in humanity itself. This is, to be sure, a more
difficult but an incomparably more worthy task.
- Albert Einstein
Is it not a spectacle to make the angels laugh? We are a company of
ignorant beings, feeling our way through mists and darkness, learning only
be incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a glimmering of truth by
-falling into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for
+falling into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for
our daily needs, but hopelessly differing whenever we attempt to describe
the ultimate origin or end of our paths; and yet, when one of us ventures
to declare that we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map
socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think
you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a
very technical boy. So I decided to get as crude as possible. These days,
-though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to
+though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to
crudeness.
- Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson
%
should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing
throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom.
They are trying to force government leaders into following their position
-100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a
+100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a
particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of
money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political
preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be
a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C," and "D." Just who do
-they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the
+they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the
right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am even more angry as
a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who
thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll
it is in politics, and is self-evident to all except fanatics and the naive.
As for the fanatics, whose number is legion in our own time, we might be
advised to leave them to heaven. They will not, unfortunately, do us the
-same courtesy. They attack us and each other, and whatever their
+same courtesy. They attack us and each other, and whatever their
protestations to peaceful intent, the bloody record of history makes clear
that they are easily disposed to restore to the sword. My own belief in
God, then, is just that -- a matter of belief, not knowledge. My respect
Such ambiguity is not apparent to children or fanatics, but every
recognized Bible scholar is perfectly aware of it. Some Christians, alas,
resort to formal lying to obscure such reality.
-- Steve Allen, comdeian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of
+- Steve Allen, comdeian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of
Conviction", edited by Philip Berman
%
...it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the
of religious communes and cults, one result of proper early instruction
in the methods of rational thought will be to make sudden mindless
conversions -- to anything -- less likely. Brian now realizes this and
-has, after eleven years, left the sect he was associated with. The
+has, after eleven years, left the sect he was associated with. The
problem is that once the untrained mind has made a formal commitment to
a religious philosophy -- and it does not matter whether that philosophy
-is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and
-irrational -- the powers of reason are suprisingly ineffective in
+is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and
+irrational -- the powers of reason are suprisingly ineffective in
changing the believer's mind.
-- Steve Allen, comdeian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of
+- Steve Allen, comdeian, from an essay in the book "The Courage of
Conviction", edited by Philip Berman
%
Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult
We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should
govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the
center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major
-prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual
+prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual
concerns, to say nothing of the fact that we may not be able to get
Christians to agree among themselves about their relationship to God.
But all will agree on a proposition that they possess profound spiritual
it could make its own way; and each animated by a jealous fear that,
if any connection of State and Church were permitted, some rival
denomination would get an unfair advantage.
-- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher,
+- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher,
from "Democracy in the Schools", 1908
%
Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that
every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be
-submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered
-samples of learning must go to the same assay-room and be subjected to
+submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered
+samples of learning must go to the same assay-room and be subjected to
common tests. It is the essence of all dogmatic faiths to hold that
any such "show-down" is sacrilegious and perverse. The characteristic
of religion, from their point of view, is that it is intellectually
-secret, not public; peculiarly revealed, not generall known;
-authoritatively declared, not communicated and tested in ordinary
+secret, not public; peculiarly revealed, not generall known;
+authoritatively declared, not communicated and tested in ordinary
ways...It is pertinent to point out that, as long as religion is
conceived as it is now by the great majority of professed religionists,
there is something self-contradictory in speaking of education in
to whom the scientific standpoint is not merely a technical device,
but is the embodiment of the integrity of mind, must protest against
its being taught in any other spirit.
-- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher,
+- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher,
from "Democracy in the Schools", 1908
%
In the broad and final sense all institutions are educational in the
moult is a step gained.
- Charles Darwin, from "Origin of the Species"
%
-...I would go so far as to suggest that, were it not for our ego and
-concern to be different, the African apes would be included in our
+...I would go so far as to suggest that, were it not for our ego and
+concern to be different, the African apes would be included in our
family, the Hominidae.
- Richard Leakey
%
wasteful, and irrational -- the crown and apex of cosmic evolution.
Viewing us as the culmination of *anything* is grotesque; viewing us
as a transitional species makes more sense -- and gives us more hope.
-- Betty McCollister, "Our Transitional Species",
+- Betty McCollister, "Our Transitional Species",
Free Inquiry magazine, Vol. 8, No. 1
%
"Well, you see, it's such a transitional creature. It's a piss-poor
"Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan
%
-"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things
+"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things
we don't know yet."
-Ambrose Bierce
%
"Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan
%
-"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things
+"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things
we don't know yet."
-Ambrose Bierce
%
Central Intelligence, former chairman and CEO of MCC.
%
...One thing is that, unlike any other Western democracy that I know of,
-this country has operated since its beginnings with a basic distrust of
+this country has operated since its beginnings with a basic distrust of
government. We are constituted not for efficient operation of government,
but for minimizing the possibility of abuse of power. It took the events
of the Roosevelt era -- a catastrophic economic collapse and a world war --
if they are built at all, are dogs!"
-- David E. Lundstrom, "A Few Good Men From Univac", MIT Press, 1987
%
-"To take a significant step forward, you must make a series of finite
+"To take a significant step forward, you must make a series of finite
improvements."
-- Donald J. Atwood, General Motors
%
the religious tradition, the parallels are striking. The same is true of the
recent spate of alleged UFO abductees. Parsimony alone argues against invoking
spirits, demons, or extraterrestrials when natural causes will suffice.
--- Barry L. Beyerstein, "Neuropathology and the Legacy of Spiritual
+-- Barry L. Beyerstein, "Neuropathology and the Legacy of Spiritual
Possession", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII, No. 3, pg. 255
%
"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on."
These people are the victims of their own stereotypes. They are
destined to view the world of science with a set of blinders. They
-know nothing of the tumult, cacophony, rambunctiousness, and
-tendentiousness of the actual scientific process, let alone the
+know nothing of the tumult, cacophony, rambunctiousness, and
+tendentiousness of the actual scientific process, let alone the
creativity, passion, and joy of discovery. And they are likely to
know little of the continual procession of new insights and discoveries
that every day, in some way, change our view (if not theirs) of the
again, they hadn't rehearsed. So they were no more prepared the second time
than they had been the first. I gave them a lecture and told them to cancel
the performance; they then said over the radio that i had insisted on their
-cancelling the performance because they were "insufficiently Zen."
+cancelling the performance because they were "insufficiently Zen."
Can you believe it?
-- composer John Cage, "Electronic Musician" magazine, March 88, pg. 89
%
temptation but would like it to keep in touch."
-- Robert Orben
%
-The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or
+The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
%
-An optimist believes we live in the best world possible;
+An optimist believes we live in the best world possible;
a pessimist fears this is true.
%
-"If John Madden steps outside on February 2, looks down, and doesn't see his
+"If John Madden steps outside on February 2, looks down, and doesn't see his
feet, we'll have 6 more weeks of Pro football."
-- Chuck Newcombe
%
"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago."
-- Bernard Berenson
%
-"Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always
+"Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always
high, and the results usually disappointing."
-- Robert Orben
%
-"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging
+"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging
their prejudices."
-- William James
%
"Tell the truth and run."
-- Yugoslav proverb
%
-"The best index to a person's character is a) how he treats people who can't
+"The best index to a person's character is a) how he treats people who can't
do him any good and b) how he treats people who can't fight back."
-- Abigail Van Buren
%
"Life is a garment we continuously alter, but which never seems to fit."
-- David McCord
%
-"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children
+"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children
produce adults."
-- Peter De Vries
%
"It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them."
-- Alfred Adler
%
-"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is
+"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is
either a daring adventure or nothing."
-- Helen Keller
%
-"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is
+"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is
shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
-- Albert Einstein
%
"Success covers a multitude of blunders."
-- George Bernard Shaw
%
-"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while
+"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while
the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one."
-- William Stekel
%
"Yes, and I feel bad about rendering their useless carci into dogfood..."
-- Badger comics
%
-"Is it really you, Fuzz, or is it Memorex, or is it radiation sickness?"
+"Is it really you, Fuzz, or is it Memorex, or is it radiation sickness?"
-- Sonic Disruptors comics
%
-"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons
+"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons
for it afterwards."
-- Soren F. Petersen
%
"Plastic gun. Ingenious. More coffee, please."
-- The Phantom comics
%
-The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words
+The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words
return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy.
%
If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.
%
-"A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a
+"A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a
perfectly good kitten."
-- Doug Larson
%
-"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
+"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was."
-- Walt West
%
"Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone."
-- G. B. Stearn
%
-"In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with
+"In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with
the current."
-- Thomas Jefferson
%
-The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to
+The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to
the left.
%
"But this one goes to eleven."
simply someone paid to
render opinions glibly."
"Critics are grinks and
- groinks."
+ groinks."
-- Baron and Badger, from Badger comics
%
"I've got some amyls. We could either party later or, like, start his heart."
-- "Cheech and Chong's Next Movie"
%
-"Israel today announced that it is giving up. The Zionist state will dissolve
+"Israel today announced that it is giving up. The Zionist state will dissolve
in two weeks time, and its citizens will disperse to various resort communities
-around the world. Said Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir, 'Who needs the
+around the world. Said Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir, 'Who needs the
aggravation?'"
-- Dennis Miller, "Satuday Night Live" News
%
-"And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead
-by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business
+"And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead
+by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business
product: a really sharp-looking report."
-- Dave Barry
%
"The following is not for the weak of heart or Fundamentalists."
-- Dave Barry
%
-"I take Him shopping with me. I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain'"
+"I take Him shopping with me. I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain'"
--Tammy Faye Bakker
%
Gary Hart: living proof that you *can* screw your brains out.
Blessed be those who initiate lively discussions with the hopelessly mute,
for they shall be know as Dentists.
%
-"I don't believe in sweeping social change being manifested by one person,
+"I don't believe in sweeping social change being manifested by one person,
unless he has an atomic weapon."
-- Howard Chaykin
%
-"Ever free-climbed a thousand foot vertical cliff with 60 pounds of gear
+"Ever free-climbed a thousand foot vertical cliff with 60 pounds of gear
strapped to your butt?"
"No."
"'Course you haven't, you fruit-loop little geek."
"Everyone is entitled to an *informed* opinion."
-- Harlan Ellison
%
-"It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even
+"It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even
*I* don't know how it works!"
-- from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
%
"If it's not loud, it doesn't work!"
-- Blank Reg, from "Max Headroom"
%
-"Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the
+"Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the
one holding it"
-- Captain Combat
%
%
Delta: We're Amtrak with wings. -- David Letterman
%
-"Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is
+"Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is
good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%
"It's the best thing since professional golfers on 'ludes."
-- Rick Obidiah
%
-"To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury
-yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac. Some of these ships are up to 100
-feet in length; the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can
+"To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury
+yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac. Some of these ships are up to 100
+feet in length; the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can
remain submerged for up to 3 weeks."
-- Garrison Keillor
%
-"Well, social relevance is a schtick, like mysteries, social relevance,
+"Well, social relevance is a schtick, like mysteries, social relevance,
science fiction..."
-- Art Spiegelman
%
-"One of the problems I've always had with propaganda pamphlets is that they're
+"One of the problems I've always had with propaganda pamphlets is that they're
real boring to look at. They're just badly designed. People from the left
-often are very well-intended, but they never had time to take basic design
+often are very well-intended, but they never had time to take basic design
classes, you know?"
-- Art Spiegelman
%
a) There are more lawyers than rats.
b) The scientist's don't become as
emotionally attached to them.
- c) There are some things that even rats
+ c) There are some things that even rats
won't do for money.
%
"During the race
You'll work for us."
-- Reed College cheer
%
-Pohl's law:
+Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
%
-Pig: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the
+Pig: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the
splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope,
for it balks at pig.
-- Ambrose Bierce
Noncombatant: A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
%
-"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it
+"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it
is I'll get married again."
-- Clint Eastwood
%
-A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.
+A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.
I believe everything positively stinks.
-- Lew Col
%
time, and some of the people all of the
time, but you can't fool mom.
%
-"Because he's a character who's looking for his own identity, [He-Man is]
+"Because he's a character who's looking for his own identity, [He-Man is]
an interesting role for an actor."
-- Dolph Lundgren, "actor"
%
-"If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never
+"If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never
stop throwing up."
-- Max Von Sydow's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters"
%
-"Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.
+"Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.
God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again."
-- Woody Allen's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters"
%
Quod licet Iovi non licet bovi.
(What Jove may do, is not permitted to a cow.)
%
-"I distrust a man who says 'when.' If he's got to be careful not to drink too
+"I distrust a man who says 'when.' If he's got to be careful not to drink too
much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does."
-- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_
%
-"I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk
-and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously,
-unless you keep in practice. Now, sir, we'll talk if you like. I'll tell
+"I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk
+and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously,
+unless you keep in practice. Now, sir, we'll talk if you like. I'll tell
you right out, I'm a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk."
-- Sidney Greenstreet, _The Maltese Falcon_
%
%
There are two kinds of egotists: 1) Those who admit it 2) The rest of us
%
-"The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing,
-the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a
+"The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing,
+the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a
walnut."
-- some dinosaurs from The Far Side, by Gary Larson
%
-"We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb
+"We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb
your cities."
-- Robin Williams, _Good Morning Vietnam_
%
A good USENET motto would be:
a. "Together, a strong community."
b. "Computers R Us."
- c. "I'm sick of programming, I think I'll just screw around for a while on
+ c. "I'm sick of programming, I think I'll just screw around for a while on
company time."
-- A Sane Man
%
-"He didn't run for reelection. `Politics brings you into contact with all the
+"He didn't run for reelection. `Politics brings you into contact with all the
people you'd give anything to avoid,' he said. `I'm staying home.'"
-- Garrison Keillor, _Lake_Wobegone_Days_
%
-"If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and
+"If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and
fire them all off, wouldn't you?"
-- Garrison Keillor
%
"Trust me. I know what I'm doing."
-- Sledge Hammer
%
-"Hi. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and
+"Hi. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and
number... and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you
in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the F.B.I... BEEEP"
-- Blue Devil comics
%
-"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact,
+"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact,
barely presentable."
-- Fran Lebowitz
%
"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid"
-- the artificial person, from _Aliens_
%
-"The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead
+"The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead
girl or a live boy."
-- Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards
%
* Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE"
* Hourly motel rates
* Vast majority of Elvis movies made here
- * Didn't just give up right away during World War II like some
+ * Didn't just give up right away during World War II like some
countries we could mention
* Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies
* Our well-behaved golf professionals
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
-- Russian Proverb
%
-"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good,
+"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good,
you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
-- Howard Aiken
%
"No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it."
-- C. Schulz
%
-"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make
-empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made
-a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the
+"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make
+empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made
+a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the
bonds of Hell."
-- Saint Augustine
%
"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underware."
-- Norm, from _Cheers_
%
-Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that
-you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied,
-"That all depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your
+Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that
+you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied,
+"That all depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your
mistress."
%
"He don't know me vewy well, DO he?" -- Bugs Bunny
"And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?"
-- Looney Tunes, The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950, Chuck Jones)
%
-"Now I've got the bead on you with MY disintegrating gun. And when it
-disintegrates, it disintegrates. (pulls trigger) Well, what you do know,
+"Now I've got the bead on you with MY disintegrating gun. And when it
+disintegrates, it disintegrates. (pulls trigger) Well, what you do know,
it disintegrated."
-- Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a half century
%
"I DO want your money, because god wants your money!"
-- The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo_Man_
%
-"The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The
+"The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The
terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency."
-- Albert Einstein
%
-- Bob Violence
-- Howie Chaykin's little animated 3-dimensional darling, Bob Violence
%
-"The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet
-themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against
+"The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet
+themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against
the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: `Hey you stinking fat Russian, get
off my Ford Escort.'"
-- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live
%
"It's ten o'clock... Do you know where your AI programs are?" -- Peter Oakley
%
-"Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks,
+"Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks,
'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big,
-scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only
+scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only
reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
-- an analysis of neo-Nazis and such, Badger comics
%
-"Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York
-City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves
+"Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York
+City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves
around than any other city in the world."
-- David Letterman
%
-"Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get
+"Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get
to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."
-- David Letterman
%
-"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New
-Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not
+"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New
+Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not
new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
-- David Letterman
%
-"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham
+"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham
Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
"You tweachewous miscweant!"
-- Elmer Fudd
%
-"I saw _Lassie_. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never
+"I saw _Lassie_. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never
spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that deserve a series?"
-- the alien guy, in _Explorers_
%
"You are WRONG, you ol' brass-breasted fascist poop!"
-- Bloom County
%
-"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can*
-you believe?!"
+"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can*
+you believe?!"
-- Bullwinkle J. Moose
%
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys!"
"The voters have spoken, the bastards..."
-- unknown
%
-"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk"
+"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk"
-- John Huston
%
"Be there. Aloha."
testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with,
and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before themselves
alone. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible because the person quoted was
-unsworn and is not before the court for examination; yet most momentous
+unsworn and is not before the court for examination; yet most momentous
actions, military, political, commercial and of every other kind, are
daily undertaken on hearsay evidence. There is no religion in the world
that has any other basis than hearsay evidence. Revelation is hearsay
"In the fight between you and the world, back the world."
--Frank Zappa
%
-Here is an Appalachian version of management's answer to those who are
+Here is an Appalachian version of management's answer to those who are
concerned with the fate of the project:
"Don't worry about the mule. Just load the wagon."
-- Mike Dennison's hillbilly uncle
%
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
%
-"Maintain an awareness for contribution -- to your schedule, your project,
-our company."
+"Maintain an awareness for contribution -- to your schedule, your project,
+our company."
-- A Group of Employees
%
-"Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you. But ask what can
-All Employees do for A Group of Employees."
+"Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you. But ask what can
+All Employees do for A Group of Employees."
-- Mike Dennison
%
One evening Mr. Rudolph Block, of New York, found himself seated at dinner
%
I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older.
%
-Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the
+Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the
law being dragged into the affairs of your family.
-- O. C. Ogilvie
%
When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect.
-- Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy
%
-We decided it was night again, so we camped for twenty minutes and drank
-another six beers at a Young Life campsite. O.C. got into the supervisory
-adult's sleeping bag and ran around in it. "This is the judgment day and I'm
+We decided it was night again, so we camped for twenty minutes and drank
+another six beers at a Young Life campsite. O.C. got into the supervisory
+adult's sleeping bag and ran around in it. "This is the judgment day and I'm
a terrifying apparition," he screamed. Then the heat made O.C. ralph in the
bag.
-- The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs,
everything.
-- Karl Lehenbauer
%
-This is, of course, totally uninformed specualation that I engage in to help
+This is, of course, totally uninformed specualation that I engage in to help
support my bias against such meddling... but there you have it.
-- Peter da Silva, speculating about why a computer program that had been
changed to do something he didn't approve of, didn't work
"Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed."
-- Robin, The Boy Wonder
%
-The F-15 Eagle:
+The F-15 Eagle:
If it's up, we'll shoot it down. If it's down, we'll blow it up.
-- A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago
%
-"The Amiga is the only personal computer where you can run a multitasking
+"The Amiga is the only personal computer where you can run a multitasking
operating system and get realtime performance, out of the box."
-- Peter da Silva
%
"Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 102
%
"I have a friend who just got back from the Soviet Union, and told me the people
-there are hungry for information about the West. He was asked about many
+there are hungry for information about the West. He was asked about many
things, but I will give you two examples that are very revealing about life in
the Soviet Union. The first question he was asked was if we had exploding
television sets. You see, they have a problem with the picture tubes on color
-television sets, and many are exploding. They assumed we must be having
+television sets, and many are exploding. They assumed we must be having
problems with them too. The other question he was asked often was why the
CIA had killed Samantha Smith, the little girl who visited the Soviet Union a
few years ago; their propaganda is very effective.
-- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
"Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 110
%
-"Remember Kruschev: he tried to do too many things too fast, and he was
+"Remember Kruschev: he tried to do too many things too fast, and he was
removed in disgrace. If Gorbachev tries to destroy the system or make too
many fundamental changes to it, I believe the system will get rid of him.
I am not a political scientist, but I understand the system very well.
-- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
%
HP had a unique policy of allowing its engineers to take parts from stock as
-long as they built something. "They figured that with every design, they were
+long as they built something. "They figured that with every design, they were
getting a better engineer. It's a policy I urge all companies to adopt."
-- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, "Will Wozniak's class give Apple to teacher?"
EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
%
"I just want to be a good engineer."
--- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speech
+-- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speech
at the 1988 AppleFest
%
"There's always been Tower of Babel sort of bickering inside Unix, but this
is the most extreme form ever. This means at least several years of confusion."
--- Bill Gates, founder and chairman of Microsoft,
+-- Bill Gates, founder and chairman of Microsoft,
about the Open Systems Foundation
%
"When in doubt, print 'em out."
-- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7
%
"If you want the best things to happen in corporate life you have to find ways
-to be hospitable to the unusual person. You don't get innovation as a
+to be hospitable to the unusual person. You don't get innovation as a
democratic process. You almost get it as an anti-democratic process.
Certainly you get it as an anthitetical process, so you have to have an
environment where the body of people are really amenable to change and can
deal with the conflicts that arise out of change an innovation."
--- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc.,
+-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc.,
"Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity",
The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%
as shared ideals and shared value systems and shared ideas and shared
agreement as to the processes we are going to use for working together. In
many cases they develop into real love relationships."
--- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
+-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%
Another goal is to establish a relationship "in which it is OK for everybody
designers if we are willing to have this kind of relationship and if we're
willing to be vulnerable to what will come out of it, we get really good
work."
--- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
+-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%
In his book, Mr. DePree tells the story of how designer George Nelson urged
'Charles Eames is an unusual talent. He is very different from me. The
company needs us both. I want very much to have Charles Eames share in
whatever potential there is.'"
--- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
+-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%
Mr. DePree believes participative capitalism is the wave of the future. The
U.S. work force, he believes, "more and more demands to be included in the
capitalist system and if we don't find ways to get the capitalist system
to be an inclusive system rather than the exclusive system it has been, we're
-all in deep trouble. If we don't find ways to begin to understand that
+all in deep trouble. If we don't find ways to begin to understand that
capitalism's highest potential lies in the common good, not in the individual
good, then we're risking the system itself."
--- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
+-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%
Mr. DePree also expects a "tremendous social change" in all workplaces. "When
is in jail on a drunk-driving charge and I don't know how to raise bail.'
What that means is that if the supervisor wants productivity, he has to know
how to raise bail."
--- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
+-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%
Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it.
"What if" is a trademark of Hewlett Packard, so stop using it in your
sentences without permission, or risk being sued.
%
-Now, if the leaders of the world -- people who are leaders by virtue of
+Now, if the leaders of the world -- people who are leaders by virtue of
political, military or financial power, and not necessarily wisdom or
consideration for mankind -- if these leaders manage not to pull us
over the brink into planetary suicide, despite their occasional pompous
suggestions that they may feel obliged to do so, we may survive beyond
-1988.
+1988.
-- George Rostky, EE Times, June 20, 1988 p. 45
%
The essential ideas of Algol 68 were that the whole language should be
I am a part -- perhaps my stuff was belched from some forgotten star, as one
is belching there. Or see them with the greater eye of Palomar, rushing all
apart from some common starting point when they were perhaps all together.
-What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the *why?* It does not do harm to the
+What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the *why?* It does not do harm to the
mystery to know a little about it. For far more marvelous is the truth than
any artists of the past imagined! Why do the poets of the present not speak
of it? What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter if he were like a man, but
and brooding, speculation and truth-seeking that has goaded him through the
centures as reelentlessly as hunger or sexual longing. The chimp that does
not know that he exists is not driven to discover his origins and is spared
-the tragic necessity of contemplating his own end. And even if the animal
-experimenters succeed in teaching a chimp to count one hundred bananas or
-to play chess, the chimp will develop no science and he will exhibit no
+the tragic necessity of contemplating his own end. And even if the animal
+experimenters succeed in teaching a chimp to count one hundred bananas or
+to play chess, the chimp will develop no science and he will exhibit no
appreciation of beauty, for the greatest part of man's wisdom may be traced
back to the eternal questions of beginnings and endings, the quest to give
meaning to his existence, to life itself.
-- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 193
%
A comment on schedules:
- Ok, how long will it take?
+ Ok, how long will it take?
For each manager involved in initial meetings add one month.
For each manager who says "data flow analysis" add another month.
For each unique end-user type add one month.
%
UNIX Shell is the Best Fourth Generation Programming Language
- It is the UNIX shell that makes it possible to do applications in a small
- fraction of the code and time it takes in third generation languages. In
- the shell you process whole files at a time, instead of only a line at a
+ It is the UNIX shell that makes it possible to do applications in a small
+ fraction of the code and time it takes in third generation languages. In
+ the shell you process whole files at a time, instead of only a line at a
time. And, a line of code in the UNIX shell is one or more programs,
which do more than pages of instructions in a 3GL. Applications can be
developed in hours and days, rather than months and years with traditional
systems. Most of the other 4GLs available today look more like COBOL or
RPG, the most tedious of the third generation lanaguages.
-"UNIX Relational Database Management: Application Development in the UNIX
+"UNIX Relational Database Management: Application Development in the UNIX
Environment" by Rod Manis, Evan Schaffer, and Robert Jorgensen. Prentice
Hall Software Series. Brian Kerrighan, Advisor. 1988.
%
give fair play to those who might suffer by ignorance. It cannot be too ear-
nestly urged, that an acquaintance with real facts will, in the end, be better
for all parties."
--- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,
- published around 1850
+-- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,
+ published around 1850
%
- In respect to lock-making, there can scarcely be such a thing as dishonesty
- of intention: the inventor produces a lock which he honestly thinks will
+ In respect to lock-making, there can scarcely be such a thing as dishonesty
+ of intention: the inventor produces a lock which he honestly thinks will
possess such and such qualities; and he declares his belief to the world.
If others differ from him in opinion concerning those qualities, it is open
to them to say so; and the discussion, truthfully conducted, must lead to
lates invention. Nothing but a partial and limited view of the question
could lead to the opinion that harm can result: if there be harm, it will be
much more than counterbalanced by good."
--- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,
+-- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,
published around 1850.
%
"Wish not to seem, but to be, the best."
The Art and Craft of Judging: The Decisions of Judge Learned Hand,
edited and annotated by Hershel Shanks, The MacMillian Company, 1968.]
%
-The late rebellion in Massachusetts has given more alarm than I think it
-should have done. Calculate that one rebellion in 13 states in the course
-of 11 years, is but one for each state in a century and a half. No country
+The late rebellion in Massachusetts has given more alarm than I think it
+should have done. Calculate that one rebellion in 13 states in the course
+of 11 years, is but one for each state in a century and a half. No country
should be so long without one.
-- Thomas Jefferson in letter to James Madison, 20 December 1787
%
-- Karl Lehenbauer, as amended by Jeff Daiell, a Libertarian
%
"Facts are stupid things."
--- President Ronald Reagan
+-- President Ronald Reagan
(a blooper from his speeach at the '88 GOP convention)
%
"The argument that the literal story of Genesis can qualify as science
collapses on three major grounds: the creationists' need to invoke
miracles in order to compress the events of the earth's history into
-the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to
+the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to
abandon claims clearly disproved, including the assertion that all
fossils are products of Noah's flood; and their reliance upon distortion,
misquote, half-quote, and citation out of context to characterize the
ideas of their opponents."
--- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
+-- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
The Skeptical Inquirer, Winter 87/88, pg. 186
%
"An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of code."
%
New York is a jungle, they tell you. You could go further, and say that
New York is a jungle. New York *is a jungle.* Beneath the columns of
-the old rain forest, made of melting macadam, the mean Limpopo of swamped
+the old rain forest, made of melting macadam, the mean Limpopo of swamped
Ninth Avenue bears an angry argosy of crocs and dragons, tiger fish, noise
machines, sweating rainmakers. On the corners stand witchdoctors and
headhunters, babbling voodoo-men -- the natives, the jungle-smart natives.
galleries and rat hives, the Manhattan fauna seeking its necessary
level, living or dead. Here too you find the heavy faggot hangouts,
The Spike, the Water Closet, the Mother Load. Nobody knows what goes on
-in these places. Only the heavy faggots know. Even Fielding seems somewhat
+in these places. Only the heavy faggots know. Even Fielding seems somewhat
vague on the question. You get zapped and flogged and dumped on -- by
almost anybody's standards, you have a really terrible time. The average
patron arrives at the Spike in one taxi but needs to go back to his sock
-in two. And then the next night he shows up for more. They shackle
+in two. And then the next night he shows up for more. They shackle
themselves to racks, they bask in urinals. Their folks have a lot of
explaining to do, if you want my opinion, particularly the mums. Sorry
-to single you ladies out like this but the story must start somewhere.
+to single you ladies out like this but the story must start somewhere.
A craving for hourly murder -- it can't be willed. In the meantime,
Fielding tells me, Mother Nature looks on and taps her foot and clicks
her tongue. Always a champion of monogamy, she is cooking up some fancy
isn't in their database, then you simply don't get to go anywhere."
-- Arthur Miller
%
-"What people have been reduced to are mere 3-D representations of their own
+"What people have been reduced to are mere 3-D representations of their own
data."
-- Arthur Miller
%
%
"I shall expect a chemical cure for psychopathic behavior by 10 A.M. tomorrow,
or I'll have your guts for spaghetti."
--- a comic panel by Cotham
+-- a comic panel by Cotham
%
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
-- Will Rogers
How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
Let's see, can you use a shell script for that or does it need a C program?
%
-"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm beautiful, smart
+"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm beautiful, smart
and rich."
-- Calvin Keegan
%
%
Brain off-line, please wait.
%
---
--- uunet!sugar!karl | "We've been following your progress with considerable
+--
+-- uunet!sugar!karl | "We've been following your progress with considerable
-- karl@sugar.uu.net | interest, not to say contempt." -- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
-- Usenet BBS (713) 438-5018
people who doubt experts can also believe any quackery, from the benefits of
laetrile to eye of newt to the movment of planets. We lose the capacity to
make rational -- scientific -- judgments. It's all the same.
--- Ellen Goodman, The Boston Globe Newspaper Company-Washington Post Writers
+-- Ellen Goodman, The Boston Globe Newspaper Company-Washington Post Writers
Group
%
The spectacle of astrology in the White House -- the governing center of
manifest widespread desire to reject rationality and substitute a series
of quasirandom beliefs in order to understand the universe does not augur
well for a nation deeply concerned about its ability to compete with its
-industrial equals. To the degree that it reflects the thinking of a
+industrial equals. To the degree that it reflects the thinking of a
significant section of the public, this point of view encourages ignorance
of and, indeed, contempt for science and for rational methods of approaching
truth. . . . It is becoming clear that if the U.S. does not pick itself up
%
"We never make assertions, Miss Taggart," said Hugh Akston. "That is
the moral crime peculiar to our enemies. We do not tell -- we *show*.
-We do not claim -- we *prove*."
+We do not claim -- we *prove*."
-- Ayn Rand, _Atlas Shrugged_
%
"I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and
to tell me this is of God and that it is leading people to Christ, but I
know better.
-- Jimmy Swaggart, hypocritical sexual pervert and TV preacher, self-described
- pornography addict, "Two points of view: 'Christian' rock and roll.",
+ pornography addict, "Two points of view: 'Christian' rock and roll.",
The Evangelist, 17(8): 49-50.
%
"So-called Christian rock. . . . is a diabolical force undermining Christianity
%
"All the people are so happy now, their heads are caving in. I'm glad they
-are a snowman with protective rubber skin"
+are a snowman with protective rubber skin"
-- They Might Be Giants
%
"Indecision is the basis of flexibility"
insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the
destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be,
be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to
-insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as
+insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as
your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be
yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your
receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this
%
"I figured there was this holocaust, right, and the only ones left alive were
Donna Reed, Ozzie and Harriet, and the Cleavers."
--- Wil Wheaton explains why everyone in "Star Trek: The Next Generation"
+-- Wil Wheaton explains why everyone in "Star Trek: The Next Generation"
is so nice
%
"Engineering meets art in the parking lot and things explode."
stuff."
-- Dave Enyeart
%
-"After one week [visiting Austria] I couldn't wait to go back to the United
+"After one week [visiting Austria] I couldn't wait to go back to the United
States. Everything was much more pleasant in the United States, because of
the mentality of being open-minded, always positive. Everything you want to
do in Europe is just, 'No way. No one has ever done it.' They haven't any
to make?
I think most of us are interested in examining and discussing literary
(and musical) works that possess a certain stylistic excellence and perhaps a
-rather extreme perspective; this is what CP is all about, no? Maybe there
+rather extreme perspective; this is what CP is all about, no? Maybe there
should be a newsgroup like, say, alt.postmodern or somthing. Something less
restrictive in scope than alt.cyberpunk.
-- Jeff G. Bone
"Everyone's head is a cheap movie show."
-- Jeff G. Bone
%
-Life is full of concepts that are poorly defined. In fact, there are very few
-concepts that aren't. It's hard to think of any in non-technical fields.
+Life is full of concepts that are poorly defined. In fact, there are very few
+concepts that aren't. It's hard to think of any in non-technical fields.
-- Daniel Kimberg
%
...cyberpunk wants to see the mind as mechanistic & duplicable,
That seems all the better reason to assume that cyberpunk art & music is
essentially mindless garbagio. Willy certainly addressed this idea in
"Count Zero," with Katatonenkunst, the automatic box-maker and the girl's
-observation that the real art was the building of the machine itself,
+observation that the real art was the building of the machine itself,
rather than its output.
-- Eliot Handelman
%
...I don't care for the term 'mechanistic'. The word 'cybernetic' is a lot
more apropos. The mechanistic world-view is falling further and further behind
the real world where even simple systems can produce the most marvellous
-chaos.
+chaos.
-- Peter da Silva
%
As for the basic assumptions about individuality and self, this is the core
backed up on tape.
-- Peter da Silva
%
-Who are the artists in the Computer Graphics Show? Wavefront's latest box, or
-the people who programmed it? Should Mandelbrot get all the credit for the
+Who are the artists in the Computer Graphics Show? Wavefront's latest box, or
+the people who programmed it? Should Mandelbrot get all the credit for the
output of programs like MandelVroom?
-- Peter da Silva
%
HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 1
proof by example:
- The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it
+ The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it
contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
proof by intimidation:
proof by omission:
'The reader may easily supply the details'
'The other 253 cases are analogous'
- '...'
+ '...'
%
HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 3
proof by obfuscation:
- A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless
+ A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless
syntactically related statements.
proof by wishful citation:
- The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of
+ The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of
a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
proof by funding:
proof by eminent authority:
'I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-
- complete.'
+ complete.'
%
HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 4
proof by personal communication:
- 'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete
- [Karp, personal communication].'
+ 'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete
+ [Karp, personal communication].'
proof by reduction to the wrong problem:
- 'To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is
- decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.'
+ 'To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is
+ decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.'
proof by reference to inaccessible literature:
- The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found
- in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian
+ The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found
+ in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian
Philological Society, 1883.
proof by importance:
- A large body of useful consequences all follow from the
+ A large body of useful consequences all follow from the
proposition in question.
%
HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 5
Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.
proof by cosmology:
- The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or
+ The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or
meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God.
proof by mutual reference:
- In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in
- reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in
- reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in
+ In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in
+ reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in
+ reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in
reference A.
proof by metaproof:
- A method is given to construct the desired proof. The
- correctness of the method is proved by any of these
+ A method is given to construct the desired proof. The
+ correctness of the method is proved by any of these
techniques.
%
HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 6
proof by picture:
- A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well
+ A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well
with proof by omission.
proof by vehement assertion:
- It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the
+ It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the
audience.
proof by ghost reference:
- Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in
+ Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in
the reference given.
%
HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 7
proof by forward reference:
- Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author,
+ Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author,
which is often not as forthcoming as at first.
proof by semantic shift:
- Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed
+ Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed
for the statement of the result.
proof by appeal to intuition:
mean)."
-- Ed Carp, erc@unisec.usi.com
-"Same difference - all zeal and feel, averaging less than one working brain
+"Same difference - all zeal and feel, averaging less than one working brain
cell per congregation. Starcap'n Ra, you pegged him. Good work!"
-- Kenn Barry, barry@eos.UUCP
%
"You who hate the Jews so, why did you adopt their religion?"
-- Friedrich Nietzsche, addressing anti-semitic Christians
%
-"Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of
+"Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of
nature are constantly broken for their sakes."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
"Science makes godlike -- it is all over with priests and gods when man becomes
- scientific. Moral: science is the forbidden as such -- it alone is
+ scientific. Moral: science is the forbidden as such -- it alone is
forbidden. Science is the *first* sin, the *original* sin. *This alone is
morality.* ``Thou shalt not know'' -- the rest follows."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
Having been on USENET for going on ten years, I disagree with this.
The basic notion underlying USENET is the flame.
--- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@Apple.COM
+-- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@Apple.COM
%
"Every group has a couple of experts. And every group has at least one idiot.
Thus are balance and harmony (and discord) maintained. It's sometimes hard
%
Backed up the system lately?
%
-"It doesn't much signify whom one marries for one is sure to find out next
+"It doesn't much signify whom one marries for one is sure to find out next
morning it was someone else."
-- Rogers
%
"If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry."
-- Chekhov
%
-"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
+"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
the ideal never goes unpunished."
-- Goethe
%
"In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved."
-- Butler
%
-"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, `What does
+"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, `What does
woman want?'"
-- Sigmund Freud
%
But the Cubs will be heavenly in nineteen and seventy."
-- Ernie Banks
%
-"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr.
+"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr.
Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers
-come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas
+come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas
that could provoke such a question."
-- Charles Babbage
%
-"I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic
+"I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic
depravity, the *one* great instinct for revenge for which no expedient
is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, *petty* -- I call it
the *one* mortal blemish of mankind."
A selection from the Taoist Writings:
"Lao-Tan asked Confucius: `What do you mean by benevolence and righteousness?'
- Confucius said: `To be in one's inmost heart in kindly sympathy with all
+ Confucius said: `To be in one's inmost heart in kindly sympathy with all
things; to love all men and allow no selfish thoughts: this is the nature
of benevolence and righteousness.'"
-- Kwang-tzu
fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines."
-- Bertrand Russell
%
-"Lying lips are abomination to the Lord; but they that deal truly are his
+"Lying lips are abomination to the Lord; but they that deal truly are his
delight.
A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger.
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto
him.
- Be not a witness against thy neighbor without cause; and deceive not with
+ Be not a witness against thy neighbor without cause; and deceive not with
thy lips.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue."
-- Proverbs, some selections from the Jewish Scripture
%
"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and
I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
-This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."
+This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."
-- Matt Cartmill
%
Heisenberg might have been here.
"I prefer the blunted cudgels of the followers of the Serpent God."
-- Sean Doran the Younger
%
-"If I do not want others to quote me, I do not speak."
+"If I do not want others to quote me, I do not speak."
-- Phil Wayne
%
"my terminal is a lethal teaspoon."
on his wrist. I like that job! Where can I sign up?"
-- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU
%
-"Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a
+"Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a
cockatoo."
-- George Bernard Shaw
%
-"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and
+"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and
those inside desperate to get out."
-- Montaigne
%
-"For a male and female to live continuously together is... biologically
+"For a male and female to live continuously together is... biologically
speaking, an extremely unnatural condition."
-- Robert Briffault
%
%
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
%
-Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is
+Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is
the triumph of hope over experience.
%
"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
-- Mark Twain
%
-"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have
- included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. This
- technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign. My
+"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have
+ included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. This
+ technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign. My
carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go by some more."
-- timw@zeb.USWest.COM, in alt.conspiracy
%
-"If there isn't a population problem, why is the government putting cancer in
+"If there isn't a population problem, why is the government putting cancer in
the cigarettes?"
-- the elder Steptoe, c. 1970
%
us in a stupid way."
-- J. W. Nienhuys
%
-"No, no, I don't mind being called the smartest man in the world. I just wish
+"No, no, I don't mind being called the smartest man in the world. I just wish
it wasn't this one."
--- Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, WATCHMEN
+-- Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias, WATCHMEN
%
"Be *excellent* to each other."
-- Bill, or Ted, in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
%
-The Seventh Edition licensing procedures are, I suppose, still in effect,
-though I doubt that tapes are available from AT&T. At any rate, whatever
-restrictions the license imposes still exist. These restrictions were and
-are reasonable for places that just want to run the system, but don't allow
-many of the things that Minix was written for, like study of the source in
+The Seventh Edition licensing procedures are, I suppose, still in effect,
+though I doubt that tapes are available from AT&T. At any rate, whatever
+restrictions the license imposes still exist. These restrictions were and
+are reasonable for places that just want to run the system, but don't allow
+many of the things that Minix was written for, like study of the source in
classes, or by individuals not in a university or company.
I've always thought that Minix was a fine idea, and competently done.
-- R. W. F. Clark (RWC102@PSUVM)
%
"Yes, I am a real piece of work. One thing we learn at Ulowell is
- how to flame useless hacking non-EE's like you. I am superior to you in
+ how to flame useless hacking non-EE's like you. I am superior to you in
every way by training and expertise in the technical field. Anyone can learn
- how to hack, but Engineering doesn't come nearly as easily. Actually, I'm
+ how to hack, but Engineering doesn't come nearly as easily. Actually, I'm
not trying to offend all you CS majors out there, but I think EE is one of the
hardest majors/grad majors to pass. Fortunately, I am making it."
-- "Warrior Diagnostics" (wardiag@sky.COM)
"Being both an EE and an asshole at the same time must be a terrible burden
for you. This isn't really a flame, just a casual observation. Makes me
- glad I was a CS major, life is really pleasant for me. Have fun with your
+ glad I was a CS major, life is really pleasant for me. Have fun with your
chosen mode of existence!"
-- Jim Morrison (morrisj@mist.cs.orst.edu)
%
-- Lionel Hummel (uiucdcs!hummel), derived from a quote by Adlai Stevenson, Sr.
%
THE "FUN WITH USENET" MANIFESTO
-Very little happens on Usenet without some sort of response from some other
-reader. Fun With Usenet postings are no exception. Since there are some who
-might question the rationale of some of the excerpts included therein, I have
-written up a list of guidelines that sum up the philosophy behind these
+Very little happens on Usenet without some sort of response from some other
+reader. Fun With Usenet postings are no exception. Since there are some who
+might question the rationale of some of the excerpts included therein, I have
+written up a list of guidelines that sum up the philosophy behind these
postings.
- One. I never cut out words in the middle of a quote without a VERY
-good reason, and I never cut them out without including ellipses. For
-instance, "I am not a goob" might become "I am ... a goob", but that's too
-mundane to bother with. "I'm flame proof" might (and has) become
+ One. I never cut out words in the middle of a quote without a VERY
+good reason, and I never cut them out without including ellipses. For
+instance, "I am not a goob" might become "I am ... a goob", but that's too
+mundane to bother with. "I'm flame proof" might (and has) become
"I'm ...a... p...oof" but that's REALLY stretching it.
Two. If I cut words off the beginning or end of a quote, I don't
"I am, therefore I am."
-- Akira
%
-"Stan and I thought that this experiment was so stupid, we decided to finance
+"Stan and I thought that this experiment was so stupid, we decided to finance
it ourselves."
-- Martin Fleischmann, co-discoverer of room-temperature fusion (?)
%
-"I have more information in one place than anybody in the world."
+"I have more information in one place than anybody in the world."
-- Jerry Pournelle, an absurd notion, apparently about the BIX BBS
%
"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
-- really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word
%
-"If you can write a nation's stories, you needn't worry about who makes its
- laws. Today, television tells most of the stories to most of the people
+"If you can write a nation's stories, you needn't worry about who makes its
+ laws. Today, television tells most of the stories to most of the people
most of the time."
-- George Gerbner
%
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists
- in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on
+ in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on
the unreasonable man."
-- George Bernard Shaw
%
but in 30 was outmoded!
- The Wall Street Journal passed along by Big Red Computer's SCARLETT
%
-To update Voltaire, "I may kill all msgs from you, but I'll fight for
-your right to post it, and I'll let it reside on my disks".
+To update Voltaire, "I may kill all msgs from you, but I'll fight for
+your right to post it, and I'll let it reside on my disks".
-- Doug Thompson (doug@isishq.FIDONET.ORG)
%
"Though a program be but three lines long,
"Turn on, tune up, rock out."
-- Billy Gibbons
%
- EARTH
- smog | bricks
+ EARTH
+ smog | bricks
AIR -- mud -- FIRE
-soda water | tequila
- WATER
+soda water | tequila
+ WATER
%
"Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't
soluble in alcohol..."
came up and bit him on his Internet."
-- Ross M. Greenberg
%
-I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiments of
-others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbade myself the use
-of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion,
-such as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc. I adopted instead of them "I
-conceive", "I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so; or "so it
+I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiments of
+others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbade myself the use
+of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion,
+such as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc. I adopted instead of them "I
+conceive", "I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so; or "so it
appears to me at present".
-When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the
-pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him immediately some
-absurdity in his proposition. In answering I began by observing that in
+When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the
+pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him immediately some
+absurdity in his proposition. In answering I began by observing that in
certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present
case there appeared or semed to me some difference, etc.
-I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I
-engaged in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I proposed my
-opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction. I had
-less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily
-prevailed with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I
+I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I
+engaged in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I proposed my
+opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction. I had
+less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily
+prevailed with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I
happened to be in the right.
-- Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
%
-- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%
"But are you not," he said, "a more fiendish disputant than the Great Hyperlobic
-Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler of Ciceronicus Twelve, the Magic and
+Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler of Ciceronicus Twelve, the Magic and
Indefatigable?"
"The Great Hyperlobic Omni-Cognate Neutron Wrangler," said Deep Thought,
his share in this defense are the constitutional rights secure."
-- Albert Einstein
%
-"Well I don't see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many
+"Well I don't see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many
men happy."
-- Ellyn Mustard, about marriage
%
-"And it should be the law: If you use the word `paradigm' without knowing what
+"And it should be the law: If you use the word `paradigm' without knowing what
the dictionary says it means, you go to jail. No exceptions."
-- David Jones @ Megatest Corporation
%
the world's democracies, not the world as a whole."
-- K. Eric Drexler
%
-"The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between a five-dollar bill
-and a whip deserves to learn the difference on his own back -- as, I think, he
+"The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between a five-dollar bill
+and a whip deserves to learn the difference on his own back -- as, I think, he
will."
-- Francisco d'Anconia, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_
%
to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't
be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending
to be so outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand
-hat was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was reknowned for
+hat was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was reknowned for
being quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the time, which
obviously worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled
rather than contemptuous. This above all appeared to Trillian to be
-- The Censored Hacker
%
'On this point we want to be perfectly clear: socialism has nothing to do
-with equalizing. Socialism cannot ensure conditions of life and
-consumption in accordance with the principle "From each according to his
+with equalizing. Socialism cannot ensure conditions of life and
+consumption in accordance with the principle "From each according to his
ability, to each according to his needs." This will be under communism.
Socialism has a different criterion for distributing social benefits:
"From each according to his ability, to each according to his work."'
-- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
[apparently, good TV reception is a basic necessity -- at least in Tucson -kl]
%
-"All the system's paths must be topologically and circularly interrelated for
- conceptually definitive, locally transformable, polyhedronal understanding to
- be attained in our spontaneous -- ergo, most economical -- geodesiccally
+"All the system's paths must be topologically and circularly interrelated for
+ conceptually definitive, locally transformable, polyhedronal understanding to
+ be attained in our spontaneous -- ergo, most economical -- geodesiccally
structured thoughts."
-- R. Buckminster Fuller [...and a total nonsequitur as far as I can tell. -kl]
%
pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
-- David Guaspari
%
-"None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary
-to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
-ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
-job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
-forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
-he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
+"None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary
+to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
+ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
+job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
+forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
+he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the
"expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible."
-- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work," p. 86 (1922):
"We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of
annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn
and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from
-being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented."
+being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented."
-- Albert Einstein, Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, September 1948
%
"You can have my Unix system when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."
-I think it's a little fantastic to try to form a picture in people's
-minds of the Debian archive administration team huddled over their
-terminals, their faces lit only by a CRT with a little root shell
-prompt and the command
-"/project/org/ftp.debian.org/cabal/s3kr1t/nuke-non-free.pl" all keyed
-in and ready to go, their fingers poised over the enter key, a sweat of
+I think it's a little fantastic to try to form a picture in people's
+minds of the Debian archive administration team huddled over their
+terminals, their faces lit only by a CRT with a little root shell
+prompt and the command
+"/project/org/ftp.debian.org/cabal/s3kr1t/nuke-non-free.pl" all keyed
+in and ready to go, their fingers poised over the enter key, a sweat of
lustful anticipated beading on their upper lips."
- -- Branden Robinson in
- <20031104211846.GK13131@deadbeast.net> discussing
+ -- Branden Robinson in
+ <20031104211846.GK13131@deadbeast.net> discussing
his draft Social Contract amendment
%
If you are going to run a rinky-dink distro made by a couple of
< nickr> ^_^
-- in #debian-devel
%
-< sam> /.ing an issue is like asking an infinite number of monkeys for
+< sam> /.ing an issue is like asking an infinite number of monkeys for
advice
-- in #debian-devel
%
-< DanielS> still, throne of blood sounds like a movie about overfiend
+< DanielS> still, throne of blood sounds like a movie about overfiend
and virgins or some crap
-- in #debian-devel
%
%
Advertising Rule:
In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the
- reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
+ reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
that it is curable.
%
Afternoon, n.:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
%
Christmas:
- A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry
+ A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry
salads, family get-togethers; for others, noted as having the best
response time of the entire year.
%
You can always find what you're not looking for.
%
Maslow's Maxim:
- If the only tool you have is a hammer, you treat everything like
+ If the only tool you have is a hammer, you treat everything like
a nail.
%
Mason's First Law of Synergism:
What you give a person when they are going away.
%
Moon, n.:
- 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See
+ 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See
PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
%
Moore's Constant:
Different color from previous model.
%
Newlan's Truism:
- An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the
+ An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the
government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
%
Newman's Discovery:
(2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
(3) This makes a total of six legs, which certainly is an odd number of
legs for a horse.
-(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
+(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
(5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
Topics is be covered in future issues include proof by:
prototype is not expected to work.
%
Pryor's Observation:
- How long you live has nothing to do
+ How long you live has nothing to do
with how long you are going to be dead.
%
Pudder's Law:
Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical
mechanics died in 1906 by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying
on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn.
- -- Goodstein, States of Matter
+ -- Goodstein, States of Matter
%
QOTD:
Money isn't everything, but at least it keeps the kids in touch.
"My brain is paged out to my liver."
%
The real man's Bloody Mary:
- Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
+ Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
%
-Obscurism:
+Obscurism:
The practice of peppering daily life with obscure
references as a subliminal means of showcasing both one's education
and one's wish to disassociate from the world of mass culture.
Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank.
%
Harry's bar has a new cocktail. It's called MRS punch. They make it with
-milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the
+milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the
sugar is for pep. They put in the rum so that people will know what to do
with all that pep and vitality.
%
the worst cigars.
-- H. L. Mencken
%
-The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh
-restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks,
+The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh
+restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks,
dumped a martini on the rocks down the back of the blonde's dress. She
sprang to her feet with a wild rebel yell, dashed wildly around the table,
then galloped wriggling from the room followed by her distraught boyfriend.
%
Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch.
%
-Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
+Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure
knows when to stop."
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
-experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
+experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
-offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to
+offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to
afford maximum inconvenience to the student. For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes. If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
%
Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people
-so resolutely pursuing it.
+so resolutely pursuing it.
%
Illiterate? Write today, for free help!
%
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
-beat up their city anytime.
+beat up their city anytime.
-- David Letterman
%
"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."
%
I'm going through my "I want to go back to New York" phase today. Happens
every six months or so. So, I thought, perhaps unwisely, that I'd share
-it with you.
+it with you.
> In New York in the winter it is million degrees below zero and
- the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue.
+ the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue.
> And in LA it's 72.
> In New York in the summer it is a million degrees and the humidity
is a million percent.
> And in LA it's 72.
-> In New York there are a million interesting people.
+> In New York there are a million interesting people.
> And in LA there are 72.
%
"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"
-- Physicist John von Neumann, at the start of a classroom
lecture.
%
- The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon
-emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I
+ The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon
+emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I
have a quarter?"
The Martian asked, "What's a quarter?"
- The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're
+ The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're
right! Can I have a dollar?"
%
The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
Be careful when you bite into your hamburger.
-- Derek Bok
%
-BOO! We changed Coke again! BLEAH! BLEAH!
+BOO! We changed Coke again! BLEAH! BLEAH!
%
Boycott meat -- suck your thumb.
%
8 oz. shredded suet
2 small onions
1/2 teaspoonful black pepper
-
+
Scrape and clean bag in cold, then warm, water. Soak in salt water
overnight. Wash pluck, then boil for 2 hours with windpipe draining over
the side of pot. Retain 1 pint of stock. Cut off windpipe, remove surplus
I have never been one to sacrifice my appetite on the altar of appearance.
-- A.M. Readyhough
%
-I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race,
-in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
+I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race,
+in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
-- Thoreau
%
I just ate a whole package of Sweet Tarts and a can of Coke. I think I saw God.
%
Is this really happening?
%
-It is so very hard to be an
+It is so very hard to be an
on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you
grown-up.
%
%
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
%
-You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
+You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
A pity that it's totally undeserved.
%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
%
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
%
-You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
+You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
larger than others.
%
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
-- Groucho Marx
%
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would
-have made them cute and furry.
+have made them cute and furry.
-- Dave Barry
%
If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat?
something ...
Someone: (interrupting) Uh-oh
-
+
Gene Rayburn: ...pithy, full of wisdom --- and we call on the Poet
Laureate, Lipsy Russell
-- Gilda Radner
%
After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient
-earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
+earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
"No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a
name for my baby."
to come to the aid of their country!" he said. "We've GOT to make noises in
greater amounts! So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!" Thus he
spoke as he climbed. When they got to the top, the lad cleared his throat and
-he shouted out, "YOPP!"
+he shouted out, "YOPP!"
And that Yopp... That one last small, extra Yopp put it over!
Finally, at last! From the speck on that clover their voices were heard!
They rang out clear and clean. And they elephant smiled. "Do you see what
You: "A spinning top! You spin it around, and then eventually it falls
down. What fun! Ha, ha!"
-Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with
-two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this
+Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with
+two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this
cretin TOP?"
Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad? Look at this."
%
... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be
proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge
-to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
-were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
-unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
+to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
+were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
+unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than
the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If
there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute
%
"Gentlemen of the jury," said the defense attorney, now beginning
to warm to his summation, "the real question here before you is, shall this
-beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a
-dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
+beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a
+dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
apartment at 4134 Mountain Ave. -- there to spend her lonely, loveless hours
in her boudoir, lying beside her little Princess phone, 962-7873?"
%
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
%
Humor in the Court:
-Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do
+Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do
you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
%
Humor in the Court:
-Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition
+Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
%
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
-Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first
+Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first
name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and
pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first
Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
%
Humor in the Court:
-Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial
+Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial
instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.
%
of my head.
%
Humor in the Court:
-Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective
+Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective
witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
%
Humor in the Court:
Q: What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
-A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch--and
+A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch--and
she did!
%
Humor in the Court:
a large cash settlement anyway.
-- Dave Barry
%
-... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ...
+... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally ...
impeccable!
%
Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas.
"No sir," exclaimed the senior, "but I sure was afraid that durned
lawyer was gonna ask me if my lantern was lit."
%
-Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
+Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind
the railroad yards."
-- Dave Barry, "This Column is Nothing but the Truth!"
%
Pittsburgh driver's test
-
+
(10) Potholes are
(a) extremely dangerous.
filings and forms, motions and counter-motions, all at $250 an hour.
-- Nolo News, summer 1989
%
-We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
+We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that
the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than
the kind of cleverness that gets out of hand, and that as a general rule,
%
In most countries selling harmful things like drugs is punishable.
Then howcome people can sell Microsoft software and go unpunished?
- -- Hasse Skrifvars, hasku@rost.abo.fi,
+ -- Hasse Skrifvars, hasku@rost.abo.fi,
%
Windows without the X is like making love without a partner.
-- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi
-- Linus Torvalds
%
...you might as well skip the Xmas celebration completely, and instead
-sit in front of your linux computer playing with the all-new-and-improved
+sit in front of your linux computer playing with the all-new-and-improved
linux kernel version.
-- Linus Torvalds
%
super-edit-debug-compile mode?
-- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs
%
-Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of
+Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of
code using nothing but vi or emacs. AAAAACK!
-- Discussion on the intuitiveness of commands, especially Emacs
%
%
Eh, that's it, I guess. No 300 million dollar unveiling event for this
kernel, I'm afraid, but you're still supposed to think of this as the
-"happening of the century" (at least until the next kernel comes along).
+"happening of the century" (at least until the next kernel comes along).
-- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.27
%
Oh, and this is another kernel in that great and venerable "BugFree(tm)"
Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for. ;-)
-- Unknown source
%
-> Linux is not user-friendly.
+> Linux is not user-friendly.
It _is_ user-friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.
-- Seen somewhere on the net
%
I can tell even _they_ don't have it ;-)
-- Linus Torvalds, in an article on a dnserver
%
-Q: Why shouldn't I simply delete the stuff I never use, it's just taking up
+Q: Why shouldn't I simply delete the stuff I never use, it's just taking up
space?
A: This question is in the category of Famous Last Words..
-- From the Frequently Unasked Questions
%
-Q: What's the big deal about rm, I have been deleting stuff for years? And
+Q: What's the big deal about rm, I have been deleting stuff for years? And
never lost anything.. oops!
A: ...
-- From the Frequently Unasked Questions
panic("Foooooooood fight!");
-- In the kernel source aha1542.c, after detecting a bad segment list
%
-Convention organizer to Linus Torvalds: "You might like to come with us
+Convention organizer to Linus Torvalds: "You might like to come with us
to some licensed[1] place, and have some pizza."
Linus: "Oh, I did not know that you needed a license to eat pizza".
-[1] Licenced - refers in Australia to a restaurant which has government
+[1] Licenced - refers in Australia to a restaurant which has government
licence to sell liquor.
-- Linus at a talk at the Melbourne University
%
Linus what I think about backspace and delete not working.
-- some anonymous .signature
%
-I forgot to mention an important fact in the 1.3.67 announcement. In order to
+I forgot to mention an important fact in the 1.3.67 announcement. In order to
get a fully working kernel, you have to follow the steps below:
- Walk around your computer widdershins 3 times, chanting "Linus is
overworked, and he makes lousy patches, but we love him anyway". Get
-- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch
%
We apologize for the inconvenience, but we'd still like yout to test out
-this kernel.
+this kernel.
-- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch
%
The new Linux anthem will be "He's an idiot, but he's ok", as performed by
Whoa...I did a 'zcat /vmlinuz > /dev/audio' and I think I heard God...
-- mikecd on #Linux
%
-Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the
-grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin
-charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what
-they say if they had.
+Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the
+grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin
+charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what
+they say if they had.
-- Linus Torvalds, announcing Linux v2.0
%
MS-DOS, you can't live with it, you can live without it.
-- from Lars Wirzenius' .sig
%
-> If you don't need X then little VT-100 terminals are available for real
+> If you don't need X then little VT-100 terminals are available for real
> cheap. Should be able to find decent ones used for around $40 each.
> For that price, they're a must for the kitchen, den, bathrooms, etc.. :)
-You're right. Can you explain this to my wife?
+You're right. Can you explain this to my wife?
-- Seen on c.o.l.development.system, on the subject of extra terminals
%
-.. I used to get in more fights with SCO than I did my girlfriend, but
-now, thanks to Linux, she has more than happily accepted her place back at
-number one antagonist in my life..
+.. I used to get in more fights with SCO than I did my girlfriend, but
+now, thanks to Linux, she has more than happily accepted her place back at
+number one antagonist in my life..
-- Jason Stiefel, krypto@s30.nmex.com
%
I mean, well, if it were not for Linux I might be roaming the streets looking
-- Phil Lewis, plewis@nyx.nyx.net
%
> What does ELF stand for (in respect to Linux?)
-ELF is the first rock group that Ronnie James Dio performed with back in
-the early 1970's. In constrast, a.out is a misspelling of the French word
-for the month of August. What the two have in common is beyond me, but
+ELF is the first rock group that Ronnie James Dio performed with back in
+the early 1970's. In constrast, a.out is a misspelling of the French word
+for the month of August. What the two have in common is beyond me, but
Linux users seem to use the two words together.
-- seen on c.o.l.misc
%
Shoot me again.
Just proving that the quickest way to solve the problem is to post a
whine to the newsgroups: within moments the solution presents itself to
-me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the Net... *sigh*...
+me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the Net... *sigh*...
-- Dave Phillips, dlphilp@bright.net, about problem solving via news
%
> Is there any hope for me? Am I just thick? Does anyone remember the
Oh God, this is so disgusting!
-- seen on c.o.l.development.apps, about the "Win95 look-alike"
%
-Besides, its really not worthwhile to use more than two times your physical
-ram in swap (except in a select few situations). The performance of the system
-becomes so abysmal you'd rather heat pins under your toenails while reciting
-Windows95 source code and staring at porn flicks of Bob Dole than actually try
+Besides, its really not worthwhile to use more than two times your physical
+ram in swap (except in a select few situations). The performance of the system
+becomes so abysmal you'd rather heat pins under your toenails while reciting
+Windows95 source code and staring at porn flicks of Bob Dole than actually try
to type something.
-- seen on c.o.l.development.system, about the size of the swap space
%
-> I get the following error messages at bootup, could anyone tell me
+> I get the following error messages at bootup, could anyone tell me
> what they mean?
> fcntl_setlk() called by process 51 (lpd) with broken flock() emulation
They mean that you have not read the documentation when upgrading the
kernel.
-- seen on c.o.l.misc
%
-Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff
+Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff
on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it ;)
-- Linus Torvalds, about his failing hard drive on linux.cs.helsinki.fi
%
Q: No, just Solitaire and MineSweeper for now, but the WINE is free.
-- Kevin M. Bealer, about the WINdows Emulator
%
-So in the future, one 'client' at a time or you'll be spending CPU time with
+So in the future, one 'client' at a time or you'll be spending CPU time with
lots of little 'child processes'.
-- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the private life of a Linux nerd
%
-By the way, I can hardly feel sorry for you... All last night I had to listen
-to her tears, so great they were redirected to a stream. What? Of _course_
-you didn't know. You and your little group no longer have any permissions
+By the way, I can hardly feel sorry for you... All last night I had to listen
+to her tears, so great they were redirected to a stream. What? Of _course_
+you didn't know. You and your little group no longer have any permissions
around here. She changed her .lock files, too.
-- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the private life of a Linux nerd
%
-We should start referring to processes which run in the background by their
+We should start referring to processes which run in the background by their
correct technical name... paenguins.
-- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo
%
-We can use symlinks of course... syslogd would be a symlink to syslogp and
-ftpd and ircd would be linked to ftpp and ircp... and of course the
+We can use symlinks of course... syslogd would be a symlink to syslogp and
+ftpd and ircd would be linked to ftpp and ircp... and of course the
point-to-point protocal paenguin.
-- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo
%
-This is a logical analogy too... anyone who's been around, knows the world is
-run by paenguins. Always a paenguin behind the curtain, really getting things
+This is a logical analogy too... anyone who's been around, knows the world is
+run by paenguins. Always a paenguin behind the curtain, really getting things
done. And paenguins in politics--who can deny it?
-- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo
%
Linux: Where Don't We Want To Go Today?
-- Submitted by Pancrazio De Mauro, paraphrasing some well-known sales talk
%
-The most important design issue... is the fact that Linux is supposed to
+The most important design issue... is the fact that Linux is supposed to
be fun...
-- Linus Torvalds at the First Dutch International Symposium on Linux
%
I think this is one the really BIG reasons for the snowball/onslaught
of Linux and the wealth of stuff available that gets enhanced faster
than the real vendors can keep up.
- -- Norman
+ -- Norman
%
Not only Guinness - Linux is good for you, too.
-- Banzai on IRC
-- Telsa Gwynne
%
As to house maintenance, does it involve problem solfing? If so,
-your hacker can safely be left to deall with the panning (for the
+your hacker can safely be left to deall with the panning (for the
musement value, if nothering ese).
-- Telsa Gwynne
%
<Kingsqueak> apt-get install task-p0rn
%
%
-Could somebody drag the Irix team kicking and screaming into the 1980's,
-please?
+Could somebody drag the Irix team kicking and screaming into the 1980's,
+please?
-I realize it might be quite painful for them, but maybe you could buy them
-a disco tape, so they'd feel a little bit more at home.
+I realize it might be quite painful for them, but maybe you could buy them
+a disco tape, so they'd feel a little bit more at home.
-- Linus "Stayin' alive, stayin' alive" Torvalds
%
%
I don't think 'It's better than hurling yourself into a meat grinder'
is a good rationale for doing something.
- -- Andrew Suffield in
+ -- Andrew Suffield in
<20030905221055.GA22354@doc.ic.ac.uk> on debian-devel
%
< Overfiend> whew.
(A follow-up by alovell@kerberos.demon.co.uk, Anthony Lovell, to Linus's
remarks about porting)
%
-Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of
+Anyone who thinks UNIX is intuitive should be forced to write 5000 lines of
code using nothing but vi or emacs. AAAAACK!
(Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of commands, especially
Emacs.)
* terminate things with extreme prejudice.
*/
die_if_kernel("Oops", regs, error_code);
-(From linux/arch/i386/mm/fault.c)
+(From linux/arch/i386/mm/fault.c)
%
"...Deep Hack Mode--that mysterious and frightening state of
consciousness where Mortal Users fear to tread."
%
I've heard a Jew and a Muslim argue in a Damascus cafe with less passion
than the emacs wars."
- -- Ronald Florence <ron@18james.com> in
+ -- Ronald Florence <ron@18james.com> in
<ueu1c4mbrc.fsf@auda.18james.com>
%
-- Mark Twain
%
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
-makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
+makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
-- Samuel Beckett
%
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a
creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely
a loose misapplication of the word. Consider the flea!--incomparably the
-bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.
+bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.
Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact
that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth
to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the
%
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1
-
+
Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]
%
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to system overview.]
-
+
%
For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
An old man goes fishing, but doesn't have much luck.
%
-Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.
+Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.
You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy
officials have gone by.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!
-- Charles Dickens
%
-"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
-know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
-be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
+"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
+know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
+be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."
-- Bastian B. Bux
%
If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
-- Mark Twain
%
-If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
+If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
%
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
-would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
+would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
%
-- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"
%
"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit,
-let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
-there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
+let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
+there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of
beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells.
It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club
"How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded. "And why were you afraid
to let her touch you? I saw you. You were afraid of her."
"I doubt that I will feel like talking for very long," the cat
-replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
+replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
you. As to your first question, no cat out of its first fur can ever be
deceived by appearances. Unlike human beings, who enjoy them. As for your
second question --" Here he faltered, and suddenly became very interested
in washing; nor would he speak until he had licked himself fluffy and then
-licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but
+licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but
examined his claws.
"If she had touched me," he said very softly, "I would have been
hers and not my own, not ever again."
surprise for you!"
"Oh no," cried The Head, "not another HAT!"
%
-After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
+After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life
in a wheelchair. Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his
bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the
-- Dave Barry
%
"The molars, I'm sure, will be all right, the molars can take care of
-themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become
+themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become
of the bicuspids?"
-- The Old Man and his Bridge
%
surgeon was required to treat an ailing cow. To investigate its internal
gases he inserted a tube into that end of the animal not capable of facial
expression and struck a match. The jet of flame set fire first to some
-bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000.
+bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000.
The vet was later fined L140 for starting a fire in a manner surprising to
the magistrates. The cow escaped with shock.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
the horse, but it don't fix the leg.
%
A beautiful man is paradise for the eyes, hell for the soul, and
-purgatory for the purse.
+purgatory for the purse.
%
A beautiful woman is a blessing from Heaven, but a good cigar is a smoke.
-- Kipling
-- John Steinbeck
%
A Chicago salesman was about to check into a St. Louis hotel when he noticed
-a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke
+a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke
with her for a few minutes, then returned to the front desk, where they checked
in as Mr. and Mrs.
- After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front
+ After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front
desk and told the clerk he was checking out. In a few minutes, he was handed
a bill for $2500.
"There must be some mistake," the salesman said. "I've been here for
he left, he warned her if she should fell a deer to be wary of hunters who
might beat her to the carcass and claim the kill. If that happened, he told
her, she should fire her gun three times into the air and he would come to
-her aid.
+her aid.
Shortly after they separated, he heard a single shot, followed quickly
by the agreed upon signal. Running to the scene, he found his wife standing
in a small clearing with a very nervous man staring down her gun barrel.
%
Benny Hill: Would you like a peanut?
Girl: No, thank you, I don't want to be under obligation.
-Benny Hill: You won't be under obligation for a peanut.
+Benny Hill: You won't be under obligation for a peanut.
It's not as if it were a chocolate bar or something.
%
Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same.
The average man has 4 pairs of footwear: running shoes, dress shoes,
boots, and slippers. The average woman has shoes 4 layers thick on the floor
of her closet. Most of them hurt her feet.
-
+
Making friends:
A woman will meet another woman with common interests, do a few things
together, and say something like, "I hope we can be good friends."
"What happened?"
"I was struck by the beauty of the place."
%
- Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their
-engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who
-was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy
+ Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their
+engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who
+was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy
and sarcastic?"
"Of course not," said a sympathetic friend.
"Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer."
still continued.
-- Helen Rowland
%
-In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man
+In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man
noticed a very prim and pretty girl sitting quietly apart from the rest of
the revelers. Approaching her, he introduced himself and, after some quiet
conversation, said, "I'm afraid you and I don't really fit in with this
because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature
human beings.
The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case,
-there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
+there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one
of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but
you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments
Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you
have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a
different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this
-person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
+person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different
religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
-- Playboy, January, 1983
"Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make
before I go. I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe...
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles. And it was I who
-forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported
+forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported
your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
"That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought,"
whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."
Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her.
-- Vanbrugh
%
- Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll
-through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
+ Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll
+through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her. "Maiden," croaked the
frog, "would you do me a favor? This will be hard for you to believe, but
I was once a handsome, charming prince and then a mean, ugly old witch cast
sometimes three.
-- Alexandre Dumas
%
-The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a
+The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a
tedious book.
%
The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff:
love and he invented marriage.
%
The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
- -- J.K. Galbraith
+ -- J.K. Galbraith
%
The heaviest object in the world is the body of the woman you have ceased
to love.
as good as any other.
-- Philippe De Remi
%
-Women, when they are not in love, have all the cold blood of an experienced
+Women, when they are not in love, have all the cold blood of an experienced
attorney.
-- Honor'\be de Balzac
%
"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
"You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk.
The man scratches his head. "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go
-check."
+check."
Back, after an animated conversation with the other occupants of the
truck, he reassures the clerk, that, yes, in fact, two-by-fours would be
acceptable.
Duck: "it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
archbishop find?"
%
-From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
+From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
That is the point that must be reached.
-- F. Kafka
%
Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.
-- Henry N. Camp
%
-L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.
+L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.
-- L. Pasteur
%
La-dee-dee, la-dee-dah.
The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
-- Herbert von Fritzlar
%
-The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning,
-and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
+The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning,
+and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
-- H.D. Thoreau
%
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for
something to occur to you.
-- Robert Frost
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to AST's.]
%
because I can't swim.
-- Bob Stanfield
%
-If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich,
+If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich,
or famous or both.
%
In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
Film at 11:00.
%
The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating
-people to approach printed matter with distrust.
+people to approach printed matter with distrust.
%
"The New York Times is read by the people who run the country. The
Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The
an honest thief."-International Herald Tribune, page 3, March 2,
1992
%
- Some bird populations soaring down
- -Headline of an article in
+ Some bird populations soaring down
+ -Headline of an article in
Science News, page 126, February 20, 1993.
%
Most bacteria have the decency to be microscopic. Epulopiscium
A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and
the real reason.
%
-A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single
+A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single
man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%
%
A well-known friend is a treasure.
%
- A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
-to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the
+ A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
+to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the
sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job.
Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"
"But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
to the nearest gas station."
%
-But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than
-frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?
+But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than
+frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?
-- M. Proust
%
By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
-- Oscar Wilde
%
He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey.
- -- John LeCarre
+ -- John LeCarre
%
He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words.
%
Human kind cannot bear very much reality.
-- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton"
%
-Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober,
-responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and
+Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober,
+responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and
immature.
-- Tom Robbins
%
%
It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
%
-It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
+It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
-- Henry Allen
%
holds back one who is hastening. Rather one should befriend the guest who
is there, but speed him when he wishes.
-- Homer, "The Odyssey"
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to scheduling.]
%
%
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
%
-It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being
+It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being
right.
%
It's hard not to like a man of many qualities, even if most of them are bad.
1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow.
- 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
+ 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
something larger. Like ... Wyoming.
4 (personal): Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen
You don't have to explain something you never said.
-- Calvin Coolidge
%
-You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
+You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
from your own life. May it all turn out to your happiness.
-- Goethe
%
(6) Your doctor tells you you're allergic to chocolate.
%
You know you're in trouble when...
-(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your
+(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your
skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
Especially if you're a man.
(2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
(6) You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day
after you bought a waterbed.
(7) You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk
- clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party
+ clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party
for your spouse.
%
You know you're in trouble when...
(1) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
-(2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
+(2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
and there aren't any.
(3) Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
(4) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
(6) Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
%
You know you're in trouble when...
-(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind
+(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind
her own business.
(2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
(3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
(4) You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
(5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
-(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to
+(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to
flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
(7) You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box.
%
-- "The Naked Consumer", Erik Larson
%
I'm enthralled by combine harvesters. In fact, I yearn to have one --
-as a pet.
+as a pet.
-- "The Day of the Jackal"
%
-The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call
+The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call
this their point of view.
-- Albert Einstein
%
-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
%
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
- -- R. Heinlein
+ -- R. Heinlein
%
"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"
"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
They don't have sexual hangups. A cat gets horny, it does something
about it.
They keep reasonable hours. You *never* see a cat up before noon.
- They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?
+ They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?
What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war? Pretty neglible.
It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to
do with ones time. Like lie in the sun and sleep. Or go exploring the world.
%
A place for everything and everything in its place.
-- Isabella Mary Beeton, "The Book of Household Management"
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to memory management system services.]
%
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
-- Miguel de Cervantes
%
-The reverse side also has a reverse side.
+The reverse side also has a reverse side.
-- Japanese proverb
%
The road to Hades is easy to travel.
always polite to traffic cops.
%
An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in
-small as in great matters.
+small as in great matters.
-- W. Churchill
%
An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
%
Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
%
-Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?
+Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?
Call the convenient toll-free "IRS Taxpayer Complaint Hot Line Number":
1-800-AUDITME
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
-- Augustus Caesar
%
-I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
+I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to
sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
%
-"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of
+"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of
normal routines, for children and adults alike."
-- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack"
%
of these unfortunate would-be knights was compensated with a beautiful
sheepdog from the royal kennels, which was itself a fairly valuable
possession. And the moral of the story is:
-
+
The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that
hit you.
%
%
Reunite Gondwondaland!
%
-Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean?
+Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean?
Bobby: Slow down.
Rev. Jim: What... does... an... amber... light... mean?
Bobby: Slow down.
-- Jerome Stern
%
I've no regrets. I was sincere in everything I said.
- -- Former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf,
+ -- Former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf,
annoucing his new book
%
The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that
They were to reconvene the day before the race to tell the gangster how they
each propose to ensure a win. When they reconvened the gangster started with
the engineer:
-
+
Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got?
Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle
blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide
into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore
cannot be detected in post-race tests.
G: Excellent, excellent! But I want to hear from the physicist before
- I decide what to do. Physicist?
+ I decide what to do. Physicist?
Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion...
%
"A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book
-- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles"
Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really
-precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
+precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
Nobel Prize in 1923.
%
After years of research, scientists recently reported that there is,
All the evidence concerning the universe has not yet been collected,
so there's still hope.
%
-All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists
+All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists
know it.
-- Richard P. Feynman
%
inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have
ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I
haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected
-it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
+it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have
looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice
is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious
life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic time, is
as firmly established as Copernican cosmology. Biologists differ only with
respect to theories about how the process operates.
- -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
+ -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
%
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
%
image lasts; but when the image is effaced, or cannot be taken, then we
forget or do not know.
-- Plato, Dialogs, Theateus 191
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to image activation and termination.]
%
and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing
to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as
yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you
-really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
+really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's
okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
-- Carl Sagan
If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or door, if you
brush your leg against a bed or desk, if you catch your foot in a curled-
up corner of a rug, or strike a toe against a desk or chair, go back and
-repeat the sequence.
+repeat the sequence.
You will find yourself surprised how far off course you were to
hit that window jamb, that door, that chair. Get back on course and do it
again. How can you pilot a spacecraft if you can't find your way around
to each other without consideration of their relation to experience.
-- Albert Einstein
%
-Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what
+Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what
one is talking about nor whether what is said is true.
-- Russell
%
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature
is to build better mice.
%
-The Greatest Mathematical Error
+The Greatest Mathematical Error
The Mariner I space probe was launched from Cape Canaveral on 28
July 1962 towards Venus. After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would
give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells
would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course
corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet,
-scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
+scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I
plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.
Inquiries later revealed that a minus sign had been omitted from
The Man Who Almost Invented The Vacuum Cleaner
The man officially credited with inventing the vacuum cleaner is
Hubert Cecil Booth. However, he got the idea from a man who almost
-invented it.
+invented it.
In 1901 Booth visited a London music-hall. On the bill was an
American inventor with his wonder machine for removing dust from carpets.
The machine comprised a box about one foot square with a bag on top.
%
There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon,
however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable.
-Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
+Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator
on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is
even highly probable.
-- H.L. Mencken, 1930
%
There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped
-three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
+three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
each of them in seperate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
can opener.
A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's
%
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is
whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling
-is that it is not crazy enough.
+is that it is not crazy enough.
-- Niels Bohr
%
We are each entitled to our own opinion, but no one is entitled to his
to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not
cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" --
into doubt.
- -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
+ -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.
%
We warn the reader in advance that the proof presented here depends on a
%
Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
- -- Greg Oetjen of Lorton, VA in the Washington Post
- "Style Invitational Report from Week 278" published
+ -- Greg Oetjen of Lorton, VA in the Washington Post
+ "Style Invitational Report from Week 278" published
August 2, 1998
%
-100 buckets of bits on the bus
+100 buckets of bits on the bus
100 buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
-FF buckets of bits on the bus
+FF buckets of bits on the bus
-FF buckets of bits on the bus
+FF buckets of bits on the bus
FF buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
-FE buckets of bits on the bus
+FE buckets of bits on the bus
ad infinitum...
%
%
A pig is a jolly companion,
Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
-A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
+A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
Though mountains may topple and tilt.
When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
For idle hands to do. Some good account at last.
-- Isaac Watts, 1674-1748
%
-Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
+Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
Or what's a heaven for ?
-- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"
%
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
-Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
+Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
Tell us to go out and Buy.
-- Tom Lehrer
%
-Antonio Antonio
+Antonio Antonio
Was tired of living alonio
He thought he would woo Antonio Antonio
Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode of on his polo ponio
Let me clue you in;
I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him.
The square kicks some cats are on stay with them;
-The hip bits, like, go down under;
+The hip bits, like, go down under;
so let it lay with Caesar. The cool Brutus
Gave you the message: Caesar had big eyes;
If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea,
And, like, old Caesar really set them straight.
-Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, --
+Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, --
for Brutus is a real cool cat;
So are they all, all cool cats, --
Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down.
Heuristics weaken the mind.
Options wither the heart.
-The Guru observes the net
+The Guru observes the net
but trusts his inner vision.
He allows things to come and go.
His heart is as open as the ether.
And everyone thinks computers are impersonal
cold diskdrives hardware monitors
-user-hostile software
+user-hostile software
-of course they're only bits and bytes
-and characters and strings
+of course they're only bits and bytes
+and characters and strings
and files
just some old textfiles from my old boyfriend
%
I have learned
To spell hors d'oeuvres
-Which still grates on
+Which still grates on
Some people's n'oeuvres.
-- Warren Knox
%
There certainly must be one
-- Odgen Nash
-Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
+Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
I'm sorry now I wrote it
But I can tell you anyhow
I'll kill you if you quote it.
A blue whale in my soup...
Nor would I mind a porcupine
Inside a chicken coop.
-Yes life is fine when things combine,
+Yes life is fine when things combine,
Like ham in beef chow mein...
But lord, this time I think I mind,
They've put acid in my rain.
And all the men could write,
These would not suffice
To write down all the red tape
-Of this Government.
+Of this Government.
%
If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
-And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
+And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
-And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
-And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
+And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
+And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this? What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
-Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
+Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
-When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
-And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
+When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
+And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your rom.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
-- Traffic, "The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys"
%
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
-It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
+It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
Or some joker who is slicker,
Will trick you of your liquor,
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
%
It happened long ago
In the new magic land
-The Indians and the buffalo
+The Indians and the buffalo
Existed hand in hand
The Indians needed food
They need skins for a roof
%
Most folks they like the daytime,
'cause they like to see the shining sun.
-They're up in the morning,
+They're up in the morning,
off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun.
But when the sun goes down,
and the bright lights shine, my daytime has just begun.
%
Remove me from this land of slaves,
Where all are fools, and all are knaves,
-Where every knave and fool is bought,
+Where every knave and fool is bought,
Yet kindly sells himself for nought;
-- Jonathan Swift
%
-- Richard Armour
%
The Advertising Agency Song
-
+
When your client's hopping mad,
Put his picture in the ad.
If he still should prove refractory,
%
The street preacher looked so baffled
When I asked him why he dressed
-With forty pounds of headlines
+With forty pounds of headlines
Stapled to his chest.
But he cursed me when I proved to him
I said, "Not even you can hide.
%
There are bad times just around the corner,
There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky
- And it's no good whining
+ And it's no good whining
About a silver lining
For we know from experience that they won't roll by...
-- Noel Coward
%
There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed.
-Some forever not for better
+Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still recall.
and there won't be any pirating.
If these three aren't enough,
-just stay at your home directory
+just stay at your home directory
and let all processes take their course.
%
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Zow! Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice.
-- Lazy Dog
%
-to be nobody but yourself in a world
+to be nobody but yourself in a world
which is doing its best night and day
to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle
any human being can fight and
-never stop fighting.
+never stop fighting.
-- e.e. cummings
%
To code the impossible code, This is my quest --
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over --
Like a syrupy sweet?
-
+
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.
-
+
Or does it explode?
-- Langston Hughes
%
My folks can make me split my side,
I laughed so hard I nearly died,
The tales they tell, sound just like lying,
-They grow the fruit,
+They grow the fruit,
But eat the rind,
I laugh until I start to crying,
When I think about my folks.
So when in doubt, send the Marines!
-- Tom Lehrer, "Send The Marines"
%
-When the Guru administers, the users
+When the Guru administers, the users
are hardly aware that he exists.
Next best is a sysop who is loved.
Next, one who is feared.
High-endian and low-endian define each other.
While and until follow each other.
-Therefore the Guru
+Therefore the Guru
programs without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Warnings arise and he lets them come;
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to hardware interrupts.]
-
+
And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine.
-- William Wordsworth, "She Was a Phantom of Delight"
So long as it's clean.
Professor Doberman:
- While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
-pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
+ While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
+pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
improvement. Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic
-experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
-must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
-fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one
-receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
+experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
+must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
+fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one
+receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
been reduced by a factor of eight or ten without sacrificing any of its
-meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
-suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
+meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
+suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
implications.
%
With/Without - and who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?
returning to Capistrano, but the sound of a bat on a ball.
-- Bill Veeck
%
-The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off
+The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off
this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his next
hunting trip. Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell,
the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck and returned
%
The Fastest Defeat In Chess
The big name for us in the world of chess is Gibaud, a French chess
-master.
+master.
In Paris during 1924 he was beaten after only four moves by a
Monsieur Lazard. Happily for posterity, the moves are recorded and so
chess enthusiasts may reconstruct this magnificent collapse in the comfort
the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom do you believe,"
asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
%
-A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
+A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."
%
A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
"To cool the soup." Unable to trust a man who uses the same process
to arrive at two different results -- hot and cold -- the disciple departed.
%
-Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
+Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
Or what's a heaven for ?
-- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"
%
A traveling salesman was driving past a farm when he saw a pig with three
wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels.
Intrigued, he drove up to the farmhouse, where he found an old farmer
-sitting in the yard watching the pig.
- "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
+sitting in the yard watching the pig.
+ "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
"Sure is, son," the farmer replied. "Why, two years ago, my daughter
was swimming in the lake and bumped her head and damned near drowned, but that
pig swam out and dragged her back to shore."
"Amazing!" the salesman exlaimed.
"And that's not the only thing. Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on
-the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did.
+the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did.
That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me.
Saved my life."
"Fantastic! the salesman said. But tell me, how come the pig has
three wooden legs?"
- The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you
+ The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you
got an amazin' pig like that, you don't eat him all at once."
%
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
part of any job is coffee break, lunch hour and quitting time. Years ago
there was at least the hope of improvement -- eventual promotion -- more
important jobs to come. Once you can be sold the myth that you may make
-president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps. But nobody
+president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps. But nobody
believes he's going to be president anymore. The more people change jobs
the more they realize that there is a direct connection between working for
a living and total stupefying boredom. So why NOT take revenge? You're not
who has seen the Managing Director face on).
-- Katherine Whitehorn, "Roundabout"
%
-Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed
+Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed
to be doing at the moment.
-- Robert Benchley
%
I owe the public nothing.
-- J.P. Morgan
%
-I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
-these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
+I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
+these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
[Great minds think alike? Ed.]
%
It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat
-rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they
+rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they
kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.
-- Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's
%
Thank you, The Mgt.
%
None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary
-to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
-ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
-job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
-forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
-he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
+to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
+ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
+job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
+forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
+he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the
"expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible.
-- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work"
%
"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income
parents' lives a misery."
-"... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears
+"... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears
because of what you just said."
-"I want you to picture the face of its mother, because one week's dole won't
+"I want you to picture the face of its mother, because one week's dole won't
pay for one Master of the Universe Battlecruiser!"
-- Filthy Rich and Catflap
%
%
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
%
-MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
+MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
%
Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the
shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a
Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
%
-Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES
+Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES
ROOM ...
%
Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR!
projects / fortune-mod / commitdiff