1 A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
3 A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
5 A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
7 A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.
9 Buy the negatives at any price.
11 A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
13 A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
15 A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
17 A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
19 Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
21 Accent on helpful side of your nature. Drain the moat.
23 Advancement in position.
25 After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
27 Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.
29 Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
31 All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
33 Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
35 An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
37 An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
39 Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
43 Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?
45 Are you making all this up as you go along?
47 Are you sure the back door is locked?
49 Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
51 Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
53 Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
55 Avoid reality at all costs.
57 Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
59 Be careful! Is it classified?
61 Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
63 Be cautious in your daily affairs.
65 Be cheerful while you are alive.
66 -- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
68 Be different: conform.
70 Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so
73 Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
75 Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
77 Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
79 Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your
82 Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
84 Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
86 Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.
90 Beware of low-flying butterflies.
92 Beware the one behind you.
96 Break into jail and claim police brutality.
98 Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
100 Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
102 Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
104 Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
106 Change your thoughts and you change your world.
108 Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
112 Chicken Little only has to be right once.
114 Chicken Little was right.
116 Cold hands, no gloves.
118 Communicate! It can't make things any worse.
120 Courage is your greatest present need.
122 Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
124 Do not overtax your powers.
126 Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
128 Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
130 Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
132 Do what comes naturally. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
134 Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
136 Don't feed the bats tonight.
138 Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
140 Don't get to bragging.
142 Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
144 Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
146 Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
148 Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
150 Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
152 Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
154 Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
156 Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.
158 Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
160 Don't read everything you believe.
162 Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
164 Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
166 Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
168 Don't Worry, Be Happy.
171 Don't worry. Life's too long.
172 -- Vincent Sardi, Jr.
174 Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
176 Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
178 Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
180 Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
182 Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
184 Excellent day to have a rotten day.
186 Excellent time to become a missing person.
188 Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
190 Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
192 Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
194 Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
196 Fine day for friends.
199 Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
201 Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
202 sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
204 Oh, and have a nice day!
207 Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
209 Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
211 Give him an evasive answer.
213 Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to
216 Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
218 Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
220 Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
222 Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
224 Good day to deal with people in high places; particularly lonely stewardesses.
226 Good day to let down old friends who need help.
228 Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
230 Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
232 Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
235 Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
237 Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
239 If you can read this, you're too close.
241 If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
244 If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
246 If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
248 If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
250 If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
252 In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
254 Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
256 Is that really YOU that is reading this?
258 Is this really happening?
260 It is so very hard to be an
261 on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you
264 It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
266 It was all so different before everything changed.
268 It's a very *__
\b\bUN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
271 It's all in the mind, ya know.
273 It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
275 Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is
278 Just to have it is enough.
280 Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
282 Keep it short for pithy sake.
284 Lady Luck brings added income today. Lady friend takes it away tonight.
286 Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
288 Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
290 Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
292 "Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
293 -- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
295 Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
297 Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
299 Long life is in store for you.
301 Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
303 Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
305 Make a wish, it might come true.
307 Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
309 Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
311 Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
315 Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
317 Never reveal your best argument.
319 Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
320 have a lucky day this year.
322 Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
324 People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
326 Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
330 Ask somebody something.
332 Reply hazy, ask again later.
334 Save energy: be apathetic.
336 Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
338 Slow day. Practice crawling.
340 Snow Day -- stay home.
342 So this is it. We're going to die.
344 So you're back... about time...
346 Someone is speaking well of you.
348 Someone is speaking well of you.
352 Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
354 Stay away from flying saucers today.
356 Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
360 That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
362 The time is right to make new friends.
364 The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
367 There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
369 There is a fly on your nose.
371 There was a phone call for you.
373 There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
375 Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
377 Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
379 This life is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
381 This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
383 Time to be aggressive. Go after a tattooed Virgo.
385 Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
387 Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
389 Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
391 Today is the last day of your life so far.
393 Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
395 Today is what happened to yesterday.
397 Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
398 -- Hunter S. Thompson
400 Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
402 Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,
403 it can still be changed today.
405 Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
407 Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.
409 Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
411 Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
414 Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
416 Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
418 Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
420 Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
422 Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
423 -- Ashleigh Brilliant
425 Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
427 Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
429 Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
431 What happened last night can happen again.
433 While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
434 are making another attack.
436 Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
438 You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
440 You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
442 You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
446 You are as I am with You.
448 You are capable of planning your future.
450 You are confused; but this is your normal state.
452 You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
454 You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the
455 department of transportation.
457 You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
459 You are fairminded, just and loving.
461 You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
463 You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
465 You are going to have a new love affair.
467 You are magnetic in your bearing.
469 You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
471 You are number 6! Who is number one?
473 You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
475 You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you
478 You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.
480 You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
482 You are standing on my toes.
484 You are taking yourself far too seriously.
486 You are the only person to ever get this message.
488 You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
491 You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
493 You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
495 You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
498 You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
500 You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
502 You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
506 You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
508 You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
510 You enjoy the company of other people.
512 You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
514 You fill a much-needed gap.
516 You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
518 You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to
521 You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
523 You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
525 You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
526 A pity that it's totally undeserved.
528 You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
530 You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
532 You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
534 You have a truly strong individuality.
536 You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
538 You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
540 You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
542 You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
544 You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to
545 metal objects which are not fastened down.
547 You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.
549 You have been selected for a secret mission.
551 You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.
553 You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
555 You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
557 You have many friends and very few living enemies.
559 You have no real enemies.
561 You have taken yourself too seriously.
563 You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
565 You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
567 You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
569 You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE
572 You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
574 You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
580 You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
582 You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
584 You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
587 You may be recognized soon. Hide.
589 You may get an opportunity for advancement today. Watch it!
591 You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will
594 You need more time; and you probably always will.
596 You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
598 You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
600 You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
602 You now have Asian Flu.
604 You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
606 You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
608 You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
610 You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
612 You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
614 You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
616 You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
618 You should emulate your heroes, but don't carry it too far. Especially
623 You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
625 You teach best what you most need to learn.
627 You too can wear a nose mitten.
629 You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
631 You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
633 You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
635 You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
637 You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
639 You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
641 You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
643 You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
644 a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
646 You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
648 You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
650 You will be awarded some great honor.
652 You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
654 You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
656 You will be divorced within a year.
658 You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
660 You will be held hostage by a radical group.
662 You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.
664 You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
666 You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
668 You will be married within a year.
670 You will be misunderstood by everyone.
672 You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
674 You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
676 You will be run over by a beer truck.
678 You will be run over by a bus.
680 You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
682 You will be successful in love.
684 You will be surprised by a loud noise.
686 You will be surrounded by luxury.
688 You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
690 You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
692 You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
694 You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
696 You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
698 You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
700 You will contract a rare disease.
702 You will engage in a profitable business activity.
704 You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
706 You will feel hungry again in another hour.
708 You will forget that you ever knew me.
710 You will gain money by a fattening action.
712 You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
714 You will gain money by an illegal action.
716 You will gain money by an immoral action.
718 You will get what you deserve.
720 You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
722 You will have a long and boring life.
724 You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
726 You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
728 You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
730 You will have long and healthy life.
732 You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
734 You will inherit millions of dollars.
736 You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
738 You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
740 You will live to see your grandchildren.
742 You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
745 You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
747 You will never know hunger.
749 You will not be elected to public office this year.
751 You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
753 You will outgrow your usefulness.
755 You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
757 You will pass away very quickly.
759 You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
762 You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
764 You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
766 You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
768 You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
770 You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
772 You will soon forget this.
774 You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
776 You will step on the night soil of many countries.
778 You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
779 brakes are defective.
781 You will triumph over your enemy.
783 You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
785 You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
787 You will wish you hadn't.
789 You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
791 You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
793 You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
795 You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
797 You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
801 You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's
804 You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
806 You'll never be the man your mother was!
808 You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
809 they're not all recommended.
811 You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
814 You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
816 You're almost as happy as you think you are.
818 You're at the end of the road again.
820 You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
822 You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
824 You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is.
826 You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
829 You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
831 You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
833 You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human.
835 You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
837 Your aim is high and to the right.
839 Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
841 Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
844 Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
847 Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
849 Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
851 Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.
853 Your business will assume vast proportions.
855 Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
857 Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
859 Your domestic life may be harmonious.
861 Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
863 Your goose is cooked.
864 (Your current chick is burned up too!)
866 Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
868 Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
870 Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
872 Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
874 Your love life will be... interesting.
876 Your lover will never wish to leave you.
878 Your lucky color has faded.
880 Your lucky number has been disconnected.
882 Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
884 Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
886 Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
888 Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
889 misinterpreted by somebody.
891 Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
893 Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
895 Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
897 Your present plans will be successful.
899 Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
901 Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
903 Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.
905 Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
907 Your step will soil many countries.
909 Your supervisor is thinking about you.
911 Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
913 Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
915 Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.