And now, tonight's presentation of radio's outstanding,
Twitter of Trolls, Suspense.
Tonight, the story of a rehearsal and a performance of murder.
We call it The Cellar.
So now, starring Mr. Eric Snowden, here is tonight's Suspense play, The Cellar.
I've got to put it away, and that's a fact.
I've thought about it for a long time, 16 years to be exact.
I've been married 20, and I think I owe it to myself to do something about it now.
It's the principle of the thing, if you follow me.
First of all, I don't like her voice.
Jaw, jaw, jaw, horrible sound.
She goes at it morning, noon, and night.
You never heard the like.
Or maybe you did.
It goes something like this.
Oscar! Oscar, how many times am I about to tell you not to put your feet on the attic?
You think all I've got to do is to spend my days cleaning off your dirty boot marks.
And for heaven's sake, I don't know, I'm sure, why I've got to do everything in the house.
It's bad enough the way I strump and sigh, weak in and weak out, to keep a clothe of bread in our mouths.
Never an hope, I'm sure, of having somebody to help with the work.
I really don't know why you don't get a better position, always dreaming of what we're going to do.
If you'd only asked the back-bone liar, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, jaw, not you!
Bloody awful, ain't it?
I've worked it out on paper.
There's 60 seconds in a minute and 3,600 seconds in an hour, and 86,400 seconds in 24 hours.
You listen to that for 20 years and then you go off your bleasy nut.
Sooner or later it's got to stop, and that's a fact.
And there's other things.
She puts some kind of sheep oil on her hands and pours it into bed, and who gets smeared with it?
Who else?
Goodness knows, I try to keep myself looking halfway decent.
It's not like I can afford a manicure twice a week like Mrs. Plimpton.
I should think you'd be grateful.
That shucks about it.
You think that's not a good reason to do it in your life?
I don't mind telling you, it helps.
And she's always putting her feet on me back.
Says they're cold and wants me to warm them for her.
They're cold all right.
Like a blinking mackerel.
Shows my back.
And she thinks she's all stuffed about keeping accounts.
Always guessing about saving.
And I get two bob-a-weeks spending money.
I ask you, how can a man live on that?
It's a perishing injustice.
So all in all, that's why I got a killer.
Everything's ready and I suppose I might as well get on with it.
Well, there.
That looks about right.
Millie?
What is it, Arthur?
Could you come down for a minute, love?
Where are you?
In the cellar, sweetheart.
I'm busy.
That'll only take half a mile.
I've got something to show you down here.
I've got a job, it's just one business and another.
What's my business?
The film's not gonna get you covered in it.
You'll get a bad father, not much.
We tell you there's a lot better things to do
than to boil something down every time you want something.
Keep your hair on, love, it won't be long.
I'm so hot in here, I'm pale all right.
Sure, I don't know why I put up with it,
you messing about down here while I'm...
Oscar Wiggins!
What are you doing with my cellar?
Why is it all dug up like that?
You go on by me.
Now, you put every scrap of that dirt back in the old-ish minute.
You hear me?
I never.
All right, love, I will.
Don't worry.
And don't you dare come upstairs till you've cleaned off your boots.
I will not have that mess all over me clean kitchen floor.
All right, Uncle Off-Drop,
I just wanted to get an idea of the size.
It looks all right.
What are you talking about?
Right for what?
For you, dear.
Nummy, you've been drinking.
You've been drinking, that's what.
Not a drop.
I'm at Sea Totem and you know that milk.
No milk, though.
The time has come, as the wall has said to the carpenter,
your time.
You pick up that spide this instant and fill in every bit of that oil.
And no argument, you hear?
All right, old cop.
When you're done, you'll march yourself up there to wash your hands of vape,
because supper will be on in ten minutes and I will not have it spoiled.
No, I've got something I've got to say to you.
Eh?
I'm fed up with your jaw, fed to the teeth, and that's a fact.
How dare you!
Who do you think you're talking to?
I'm fed up with your greasy hands and I'm fed up with your clammy feet.
But most of all, Mill, I'm fed up with you.
Oscar?
So I'm going to do you in.
Oscar, don't you look at me like that.
Don't you touch me or I'll have the law on you.
I don't give a frid for you and I don't give a frid for the laws.
I work it all out.
And if you think you can get up them stairs before I bash your head in,
you're very much mistaken.
Oh, he's going to murder me!
Help! Help me! Murder me!
Oh, you've got an horrible voice.
Help! Help!
My old mum always used to say,
Oscar, if ever you do anything in this world, do it right.
I remembered her words as I covered up the mortal remains of my ever loving ex, Millie Wittgen.
I deterred a corker.
One good whack on the S, so there wasn't much of a mess, if you follow my meaning,
took me about 15 minutes to cover her up nice and neat like.
And then I went upstairs.
You don't mind telling her?
Give me a bit of a turn when I open the front door.
I hadn't had time to wash up yet, but I wasn't too worried.
Not until I saw her standing outside.
It was a cop, gauntly by name.
He's got the beat on my square.
Evening, Mr. Wittgen.
Evening, Mr. Gauntly.
Sorry to have to trouble you, but I had a complaint.
Sorry to hear that, Mr. Gauntly.
Complaint states that an audible vowel was emanating from your house.
A vowel?
Screams more like.
Screams? Who's?
That's the nature of the inquiry, Mr. Wittgen.
I'd be obliged if you could shed some light.
Happy to, if I knew how I could help.
The, uh, missus at home?
No, she ran off to the picture palace.
You know, these women and their ruddy pictures.
What time did she go?
I don't know. About an hour ago.
No one else here?
Not a living soul, except myself.
Hmm.
You been doing any screaming, Mr. Wittgen?
Not bloody likely. What do you take me for?
All in the nature of the inquiry, Mr. Wittgen. No offense, I hope.
None took, Mr. Gauntly.
Oh, no.
Clean as hour, I have me duty to perform.
I hope you'll allow me to have a look about the primitives, Mr. Wittgen.
Seems to me a man's got his right, but I always hold to aid in the law.
If you're looking his aid in, help yourself, Mr. Gauntly.
Your mind's telling me what you're looking for.
Two neighbors swear they heard the sounds coming from here.
Maybe it was on the radio.
It's not on.
It saved me making the report, Mr. Wittgen.
Pretty obliging of you, I'm sure.
Phil, I don't think there's a need to bother you anymore.
I'll just, uh...
Hello.
Cut yourself?
Huh? How?
Oh, that now.
Cutting up a bit of beef for grub.
Thought I'd give the missus a nice surprise when she gets home.
I was in the kitchen when you knocked.
Sorry to have disturbed you, Mr. Wittgen, all right.
Makes the bloke feel safer knowing there's law nearby.
Nice to have you face up, Wittgen.
Good evening.
Evening, Mr. Gauntly.
Lummy.
That was a close one, all right, but I handled it nicely.
The worst of it was over.
Copper had dinged and gone, and I'd have at least 24 hours to clear out.
Maybe longer.
At 8 o'clock, like I'd planned it, Maggie Jones turned up.
Oh, what a bit of story she had.
Lovely.
I'd met her a couple of months before, and I hadn't told her what I had in mind.
But I knew she wouldn't care when she heard.
After all, it was all done for her, mostly.
Oh, Oscar, I didn't love you.
Heavenly ain't it.
When she was coming home.
Oh, I do feel something awful carrying on this way.
Maggie, love, sit down.
I've something to say to you.
Maggie, will you run off with me?
Run away? With you?
But how can I?
You're a married man, and what would my mom and dad think?
Maggie, love, all I have is yours.
You don't have to worry about a blinking thing.
Everything is taken care of.
Taken care of for now.
What's your wife going to say?
She ain't going to say nothing.
Maggie, for love of you, I've done her in.
You've done her in?
That's right.
Where is she?
What did you do with her?
You're just about sitting over her now.
She's buried in the cellar.
Oh boy, how horrible.
You did it for me, Oscar.
For you, sweetheart.
Oh, how you must love me.
Never a truer word.
Now, listen here, Duck, it's all arranged.
In the morning, I'm taking the savings out,
and you and me are buzzing off.
There's a boat sailing for South America
to the Argentine at eight o'clock tomorrow night.
We'll be on it.
Oh, I don't know what my mom and dad will say.
Don't tell them.
Write to them.
From the Argentine.
Oh, Oscar, you make it so hard for a girl to say no.
Give us a kiss of no more argy-bargy.
How many years is that?
Oh, Oscar.
You up in the kitchen.
She won't be a sec.
All right, all right, Mark, you're not coming.
Good evening, Oscar.
Oh, it's you.
Where's me daughter?
Out, out.
Won't be out for a bit.
Then I'll wait.
Oh, close the door, Oscar.
There's a drop down me back.
It was that audible old cow, Mrs. Quill.
Poor old Millie's mother.
And when she says she's going to wait, she means it.
Last time it took two weeks to get rid of her.
Now, what was I going to do about her?
You are listening to The Cellar, tonight's presentation in radio's outstanding theater of thrills, Suspense.
You might ask me to sit down, Oscar, wouldn't you?
Oh, oh yes, sit down, mother dear.
Still daydreaming, I think.
Not much improvement in you since the last time I was here.
Oh, Millie and me, we was going out when she came to visit.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
We was going out when she came back.
Why don't you drop in over the weekend?
She'd love to see you.
You can stay for a bit if you'd like.
I've traveled across all from London to visit me daughter.
I've no intention of going home tonight.
You can go out if you want to, Oscar.
Millie will stay here and talk to her mother.
Oh.
I haven't had me supper yet.
I brought a nice bit of smoked daddocks.
I'll go in and put it on.
No, I mean you sit here comfortable like.
I'll do it.
You?
Don't make me laugh.
You think I want me attic ruined?
I said, mother dear, I'll cook your ruddy attic for you.
Take it or leave it.
How dare you?
How dare you address me in that fashion?
Go boil your head.
Oh, you naughty little worm.
Just wait till Millie hears about this.
You wait.
Matter of fact, this is my house,
and I didn't hear no invitation for you to come in tonight.
You've been drinking.
Once and for all, I have not been drinking.
Now buzz off.
I will not leave this house until me daughter comes in that door.
I'm going to give you ten seconds, mother dear, to op it.
Then I'm going to land you one you won't forget.
One, two.
You dare to hit an old woman.
Three, four.
You'll lay an end on me.
Five, six.
You must be insane.
Seven, eight.
Oh, my Millie is.
Nine, ten.
Oh.
Ah.
Now that's something I've wanted to do for a long time.
All clear, Aggie, love.
Oh, I was, I was that frightened.
Don't you worry, you're pretty yet.
Everything's bright as rain.
Now you'll have to be off.
Wouldn't it be good to have anybody else snooping around and find you here?
Not a word to anyone, see?
You'll meet me at the marble art station at four o'clock tomorrow, see?
But what about me clothes, Oscar?
Mama'll ask where I'm going.
Leave it to me.
I'll buy you all the clothes you want.
That's one thing I've got to say for poor old Millie.
She wasn't a very nuttish in woman, but she was a saving one.
She was wanted to go abroad.
Oh, but ain't it awful?
A nation means going with a married man and a murderer.
You're all going to marry me, aren't you, Oscar?
Marry you?
What a question.
I've got memorials same as the next bloke.
Of course I'm going to marry you.
Oh, Oscar, I know it's wicked, but I can't wait till tomorrow.
You dream about it, love, and before you know it, it'll be tomorrow.
Now go on.
You'd better leave by the back door.
The next morning at ten, I was in the bank.
I had my slip made out to withdraw my savings,
and a nice little drop it was too, 800 quid.
I was waiting for the money when a tallish bloke comes out to me from behind a gate,
all smiles and treacle he was.
Mr. Widgerton?
Yes, sir, I?
How do you do?
I'm Mr. Four-Paw, the manager.
I understand that you wish to withdraw your savings.
That's right.
I trust you found no fault with our service?
No, just what's mine.
That's all?
Of course, of course, naturally.
The eyeing past of the reason you're withdrawing the fund,
is there apt to be a reason?
No, no, no, not at all.
But since you've been such a faithful depositor for so many years.
Oh, well, the truth is, Mr. Four-Paw, me and the missus thought we'd take a bit of an ology.
You know, the Riviera, a little sunshine and polyvoo.
Oh, yes, I see.
Then of course, sir, you want to leave a sum here with us?
No, I want it all.
But my dear sir, you can't spend it abroad.
Who says I can't?
The government, sir, the government.
A maximum of 50 pounds need be taken out of the country.
Yes, what are you giving me?
But surely you know that it's common knowledge.
No, to me it ain't. It's my money. I can do as I please with it.
Here in England, yes, but you can't take it out of court.
It's a ruddy injustice.
That's what it is.
I charge, I give the point, sir. I'm conservative.
That's your odd luck.
Now you and over my money, see, what I do with it is my business.
Opt to it.
Just as you please, Mr. Widgeon.
Ah, Mr. Easton, I oversteeped you. I'd like to hear...
I've done it. They've done it.
What in blazes am I going to do now?
I shelved the 800 quid in her pocket and went home.
And that's what I should never have done.
Because when I got there, the old cow was standing in front of the door
and the copper gorm we was with her.
There he is, Constable. There he is.
Ask him what he's done with my little daughter. Ask him.
Ask more and you meddling old hag.
Now then, now then. No language at your place, Mr. Widgeon.
There's a lady's upset because she has knocked on the door
and there's no answer for moving in.
Well, what's that to her?
She's worried about Mrs. Widgeon.
It's me own flesh and blood I'm worrying about.
I've got a right.
She ain't home. That's all.
Then where is she?
She went out shopping.
He's lying.
She went home last night and he put me out by force.
Threatened to do me a mischief.
He's done something to her. You mock my words.
How would you like a fat blip?
Now then, now then.
Look here, I ain't got time to stand here arguing.
Constable, you go in that house and see what's what.
He wouldn't let me in the kitchen last night.
Outside I'd see the blood and gore where he's access a business.
You go in there.
Mr. Widgeon wouldn't do a thing like that, ma'am.
Now, why don't you go to the corner house
and have a nice cup of tea.
And by the time you're finished,
your daughter will be home just like Mr. Widgeon's is.
That's right.
I ain't moving from here till I see her alive with me own eyes.
Yeah, it's all one with me, but you ain't sitting foot inside.
I'm not having you break up my happy home.
He's afraid. He's afraid to let me in.
He knows what I'll find. He knows.
Oh, look at him standing there.
The stain of his horrible deed still in his wicked eyes.
Mr. Widgeon, I hate to ask you, but to oblige,
will you let this lady come in and satisfy yourself?
You've seen for yourself, Mr. Gormley.
You've seen last night.
You're the law. If you can't be satisfied, who can?
I ask you.
Ah, get him.
He's got few hypnotized like he had my poor Millie.
Talk a wink of law for Billy Wood, but not me.
I want you in, I am.
Mr. Widgeon, to oblige, they'll have a look at that.
Oh, blimey, what I have to put up with from this old gas bag.
All right, all right, but it's the last time.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
She went through the house like a ruddy bloodhound,
and there wasn't nothing.
Not an air, not a place.
Mr. Gormley followed her with me,
and I could see it was a very aggravating position for him.
Mr. Gormley likes to keep the peace,
but by the time we got to the cellar, he was clear out of patience.
Well, satisfied?
Are you satisfied?
You want to look in the cold, then?
Go on, get your hands nice and dirty.
Sorry to have troubled you, Mr. Widgeon, not mentioning.
As for you, Mrs. Quill,
I don't want to see your nasty face around here until I give the word.
You stay out of Millie's and my way, see?
And if you don't, I'll have you put in charge.
That's my right, ain't they, Mr. Gormley?
In the manner of speaking, disturbing the peace, Mr. Widgeon.
Right, and she's disturbing my peace.
Now I'll thank you to leave my house.
Of course, when you come right down to it, I suppose they're right.
In a way, I am a dreamer.
Always have been.
To tell the truth, I ain't got no 800 pound, not even 80.
And I ain't no Eggy Jones.
But I wish there was.
There's only Millie's mother and Millie,
and them greasy hands and cold feet and jaw, jaw, jaw.
And if I hang from what I'm trying to do, it'll be worth it.
There.
That looks about right.
Millie? Millie?
What is it, doctor?
Could you come down for a minute, love?
Where are you?
In the cellar, sweetheart.
Why are you sitting?
It'll only take half a month.
I've got something to show you down here.
Doctor, one thing is another.
What's my scene to the bone?
Time to get yourself burned.
You give a brass file, ain't I?
You think I ever got better? You said you'd been burned up and down every time you want something.
Keep your air on, love. It won't be long.
You said be a little consideration. I'm very worn out.
I'm sure I don't know why I put up with it.
Oh, God, Richard.
What are you doing with my cellar?
Why is it all dug up like that?
You're born barmy.
Now you put every scrap of dirt back in the old list minute.
You hear me?
Oh, I never.
I just wanted to get an idea of the size.
It looks about right.
What are you talking about? Right for what?
For you, dear.
Next week, the story of a handcuffed man and the woman who holds the key to his freedom.
We call it, Give Me Liberty.
That's next week on Suspense.
Suspense is produced and directed by Anthony Ellis, who wrote tonight's play.
The music was composed by Lucian Morrowick and conducted by Wilbur Hatch.
Featured in the cast were Jeanette Nolan, John Boehner, Betty Harford, Paula Winslow, and Ramsey Hill.
Suspense is presented by the United States Armed Forces Radio and Television Service.
I will be engaged in the investigation and can't open the case
This is the American Voices Network, Europe.