WEBVTT

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Auto Light and its 96,000 dealers present Suspense.

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Tonight, Auto Light brings you the One Millionth Joe, a suspense play produced and edited by

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William Spear and starring Mr. Jack Carson.

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I'm Al Jusant from A to Z in public relations is how I bill myself.

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And there was this stunt which I dreamed up for the Bureau of Better Business Promotion

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to pay off the Fourth of July weekend.

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But I hadn't counted on the fireworks, which in this case was a big 45 jammed in the middle

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of my back.

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Yes, in a moment, Mr. Jack Carson and a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.

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Say Wilcox, if the bases are loaded with two men out, who's the boy you'd like to see up

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there at bat?

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Why, the spark plug of the team, of course.

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The lad who's right there with that sure fire never miss power.

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Say, that reminds me of ignition engineered Auto Light spark plugs.

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You see, Auto Light spark plugs are a vital part of the team too.

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Well, how do you mean part of what team?

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Well, just this half.

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Auto Light engineers, engineer complete ignition systems used as original factory equipment

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on many makes of America's finest cars.

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So naturally they engineer Auto Light spark plugs to work as a perfect team with the coil

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distributor and all the other important parts of a car's ignition system.

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And that's mighty important.

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Yeah, I see.

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That's what you mean when you say Auto Light spark plugs are ignition engineered.

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Absolutely right, Hap.

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That's why they can't be beat for quick starting, smooth performance and gas mileage.

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So friends, see your friendly Auto Light spark plug dealer tomorrow.

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Have worn out spark plugs replaced with world famous ignition engineered Auto Light spark

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plugs.

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Whether you choose the resistor type or the standard type, you can't buy a better spark

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plug for your car because you're always right with Auto Light.

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And now with the one millionth Joe and the performance of Jack Carson, Auto Light hopes

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once again to keep you in suspense.

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Yes, I'm Al Jusant, like I said.

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I started to tell you about this publicity stunt I dreamed up for the Bureau of Better

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Business Promotion.

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Well, me and some businessmen with a few reporters, cameramen and such were out at the airport.

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Come on, come on, gang.

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This will be at gate five.

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Come on, growling fellows, boys and girls.

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Hey, Tiny, you got that camera hot?

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You got your oranges, Mr. Wilder?

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Yeah, I still think a three piece band looks poultry sent.

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Poultry, schmaltry, Mr. Wilder.

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What we care about is newspaper coverage.

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Now, now, stand back when they start coming through the gate.

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All door, gate five, passengers from the Bobcat Line, flight 16 from Houston.

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Well, another plane.

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Is this a horse race or is this a horse race?

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Boy, oh boy.

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I declare I'm all over Goosebumps.

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Is that the plane you chartered, Al Jusant, for all his relatives you're ringing in?

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Oh, lay off.

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This deal's on the level.

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Oh, you kids.

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He takes his cut coming and going.

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Lay off.

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Hey, here they come, so stand back.

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You count, Wilder, and me and Mr. Allen will nab him.

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Now, the last number was 999,990.

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A ten to go, okay?

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991, 992, 993.

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Well, if I have to say so myself, I'm a pretty smooth operator.

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At this moment, I had one client, the Bureau of BBP, and the stud I dreamed up for them

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was a honey.

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This was the setup.

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Nab the one millionth Joe through the airport, be he male, female, or what have you, and

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give this lucky character a 24-hour whirl in the house.

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Pictures, prizes, tickets to this and that.

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And all the businesses had chipped in and it was a good fat kitty.

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And it worked out to be near the 4th of July, which was a great tie-in.

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So now, a herd of passengers was stampeding through gate five from two planes.

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The big Chicago plane and the little one from Houston.

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And all unbeknownst to them, lightning was about to strike.

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Hey, ain't this exciting, fellas, huh?

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Well, ain't it?

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Hey, it's going to be that good.

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That guy in the gray hat's moving up there.

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Hey, stand back, will you?

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Hey, hey, you, watch it, mister.

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Oh, my chin, you stupid ape.

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Watch where you're going.

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Well, go on, go on, if you're in such a hurry.

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Hey, the guy wins.

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He knocked the gal out of the running.

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One million!

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That's him!

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One moment, sir, I want to...

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What do you want?

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Who are you?

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Look over here, mister.

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Over here, look this way.

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What is this anyway?

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I'm having a sick...

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Oh, please, let go.

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You've made a mistake.

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Let go.

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No, no, look, they can't get pictures when you jump around like that.

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I don't want my picture taken.

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Let go.

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How's this, Crowley?

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Mister?

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I'm going to tell you something.

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Unbeknownst to you, you are the one millionth passenger to walk through these gates.

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Let me go, or I'll...

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As guest of the Bureau of V.B.P., from now on until the fourth of July, your hotel is

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paid for.

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Oh, you will visit the Lion Farm, and mister, hold still.

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Pick on someone else.

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I don't want anything.

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You will lunch with a motion picture star, eat at a world-famous restaurant, be the recipient

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of many free gifts, gratis.

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A mixed sling cape, two dozen sports shirts, 2,000 cans of dog food, a free airplane for

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you to pass anywhere in the whole wide world.

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What?

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Ah-ha, something strikes your fancy.

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An airplane pass to, say, Brazil?

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Sure, sure, you name it.

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Yes, sir.

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Even to the romantic land of your dreams, south of the board.

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Now, sir, what is your name?

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I'm A.D. Thompson.

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And where are you from, mister Thompson?

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Missouri.

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Business man?

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Missouri.

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Yes, rugs, retired.

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Did you and Plane to hear from Chicago or from Houston, mister Thompson?

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Houston.

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Pick up one of these oranges, mister Thompson, and tuck the crate under your arm.

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Oh.

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And smile.

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Smile.

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That's it.

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Snap a tiny.

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Got it.

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On behalf of the Great Valley Citrus Company, it gives me pride and pleasure.

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Two percent.

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So how was I to know that the trouble was giving me the leer?

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He looked sure fire.

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Mr. A.D. Thompson, middle-aged, middle-sized, middle-ugly.

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Mr. John Q. Public himself.

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Well in the meantime, that blonde, the one mister Thompson rammed out of line on the

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other side of the gate, she'd been standing by listening.

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She was a tall, rangy, good-looking blonde, and well, all of a sudden she moved in on

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me.

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You're running this powwow buster?

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By rights, all those prizes belong to me.

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Oh, now, honey, play fair.

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Mister Thompson here sideswiped me or I would have come through the gate ahead of him.

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Technically, miss, Mr. Thompson came through first.

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Look, my shin hurts and I don't like being shoved around.

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Win or lose, I can make trouble, buster.

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I can sue you cross-eyed and you know it.

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Uh, that, that you can.

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That, that she can, Mr. Wilder.

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By saying that the Bureau gets sued, you'll be...

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Well, miss, now, the Bureau wants to be perfectly fair and square with you, only I don't see

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how...

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Hey, in most contests where there's a tie, they have to give duplicate prizes, Mr. Wilder.

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Yeah, thanks a lot.

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Hey, yes, that's right.

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We'll give duplicate prizes.

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Well, that's more like it.

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Okay, okay, music, boys.

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Ladies and gentlemen of the press, we have a Miss one-in-a-million also.

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Tell the boys your name, honey, where you're from and what you think of sunny California.

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Well, I'm Vera Valerie.

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I've lived all over, just flew in from Chicago.

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Been singing in a place out there.

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A canary, boy.

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Oh, and I think California's just wonderful.

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Give us a big smile, Miss Valerie.

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Thank you.

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There's a girl.

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Where's the guy with the grapefruit?

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So the doll was declared in, which was okay by me.

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In fact, every time she said hello, it was plain old nuclear fishing with me.

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But that's not strictly a part of this story.

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Well, anyhow, from the airport, I carted Thompson and Vera Valerie to the hotel diplomat where

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I live myself on a do-build.

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There was considerable yammer about that extra free room gratis for Vera, but finally the

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manager coughed up another single.

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Now, there were some hours to kill before we could go out to the lion farm, so I took

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a cold shower, made a few calls, and then went on my way to the whispering Palmer.

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Well, high time, Buster.

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I'm three up on you.

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Well, I got problems now.

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Henry, Henry, bring me a parson's pitfall.

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Hey, how they treating you, honey?

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What's the number of your room?

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Um, four something, 412, 420.

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Well, I know it's the fourth floor.

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Ah, well, that I'll check.

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Yeah, I got headaches with this stunt, but you're worth it, doll.

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Oh, I'll bet.

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When I barged into the act, you wanted to wring my neck.

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No, no, no.

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I was only figuring how I could swing the whole show for you without Thompson.

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Oh, sweet.

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Well, since Wilder's promised double prizes.

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Yeah, but I got to deliver on Big Mouth's promises, and the fur joint says one mink

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cape, period.

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Oh.

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Also, France World told me they aren't serving double passes to Brazil this season.

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But Thompson doesn't look like the mink coat type to me.

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We can give him the...

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Oh, but doll, it was a trip that you wanted.

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Oh, forget it.

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Only, why is Thompson so anxious to get the pass?

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I don't know.

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Look, Buster, I bought the newspapers.

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Did you read this?

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Texas police hunt ruthless killer.

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Yeah, I noticed the headline.

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Read the story.

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What?

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Sheriff's office, Pikesville, Texas reported discovery of two murdered men, highway 26,

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12 miles northeast of town.

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Dead men members of gang who held up Arcana Oil Company's offices in Pikesville.

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I don't get the drift.

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Pikesville's near Houston, isn't it?

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Sort of.

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Yeah.

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Police believe they were double crossed by a third member of gang who shot them, making

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off with entire loot from robbery.

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Notice how Thompson hung onto that briefcase.

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Nearly $100,000 in large denomination bills.

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Wow.

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The serial numbers and so and so and so and so and so.

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No description of killer available.

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Interesting.

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You've got something.

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He wouldn't want to spend any of those bills here, but in Brazil.

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Do we tip off the cops?

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100 grand.

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Huh?

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Yeah, no, no, not yet.

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Let me handle this, doll.

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I'll stall them on that pass to Brazil till we know for sure.

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You wouldn't make a deal with them, would you, bastard?

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Me?

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Well, that wouldn't be ethical.

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But we got to have proof, honey.

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Now, admit it, we got to have proof.

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Which was the truth, but not quite the whole truth.

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That I now admit.

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You see, the thought of that 100 Gs had set me into a spin, and I wanted time to figure

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out how I could cut in on those sweet, crisp deneros.

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If I could prove that Thompson was my man.

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Well, that afternoon, Thompson kind of played right into my hands.

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We were out to the lion farm.

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The boys were snapping pictures of Vera cuddling the king of beasts when Thompson, clutching

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that briefcase, pulled me off the one side.

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No more pictures of me, Zant, and keep the ones they took at the airport out of the papers.

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Keep them?

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Say, that wouldn't be ethical.

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What do you mean?

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Well, no paper's going to print two pictures on this stunt, and no offense, Thompson, but

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whose puss would you choose if he was a desk man?

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Yours or Vera's?

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Which held him for the nuts.

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And I had one more angle on Mr. T. That he was afraid somebody somewhere would know him

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from his picture.

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Well, that evening, we were in for Mike Romanoff's and Ciro's and Slapsy Max's.

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For such a world, I always dress up like a dog's dinner, so I went up to my room to change.

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Come in, Zant.

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Close the door.

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Well, Thompson, what are you doing here?

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Waiting for me?

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Hey, you're not going to Romanoff's dressed like...

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I'm not going out this evening.

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Yeah?

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Okay.

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There's no skin off me if you buy your own dinner.

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How soon do I get that ticket?

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Ticket, chum?

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To Brazil.

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How soon can I leave?

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Well, I guess there are flights every day to Mexico, and from there to Brazil...

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Get my ticket for tomorrow night.

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Well, now, that's one of the prizes that you and Vera got the toss for.

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You see, I don't see how...

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Get that ticket tomorrow.

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Give her the mink cake.

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Give her anything, everything.

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But I want that airplane pass.

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Oh, it's clear you want it, but Vera...

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I want it, and I'm going to have it.

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Ah?

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Would you have a little deal in mind?

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Deal?

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Or words to that effect?

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Maybe or maybe not.

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Get the ticket, and we'll talk.

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But deal or not, Zant, there's nothing I won't do to get that pass.

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Do you understand?

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Nothing!

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I understand.

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Nothing.

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Auto Light is bringing you Jack Carson in the One Millionth Joe, tonight's production

13:32.440 --> 13:43.080
in radio's outstanding theater thrills, Suspense.

13:43.080 --> 13:47.040
Hey Harlow, did you ever notice that if one ball player goes into a slump, the whole team

13:47.040 --> 13:48.040
seems to bog down?

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Well, that's natural, Hap.

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Each man is a vital part of the team, just as spark plugs are a vital part of the team

13:54.060 --> 13:56.960
that makes up the ignition system of your car.

13:56.960 --> 14:01.840
And auto light spark plugs are ignition engineered by the same auto light engineers who design

14:01.840 --> 14:06.920
complete ignition systems, used as original factory equipment on many makes of America's

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finest cars.

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They have team spirit, eh, Wilcock?

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Right, Hap.

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Auto light spark plugs are built to function as a perfect team with the coil distributor

14:15.620 --> 14:18.000
and all the other parts of the ignition system.

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Why, ignition engineered auto light spark plugs are world famous for their quality and dependability.

14:23.800 --> 14:27.360
On Excel for quick starting, smooth performance, and gas mileage.

14:27.360 --> 14:28.580
Right you are, Hap.

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So stop in at your friendly auto light dealers tomorrow.

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They have worn out spark plugs replaced with ignition engineered auto light spark plugs.

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Whether you choose the resistor type or the standard type, you're always right with auto

14:40.760 --> 14:41.760
light.

14:41.760 --> 14:47.280
And now auto light brings back to our Hollywood sound stage our star, Jack Carson, in the

14:47.280 --> 14:48.280
one millionth Joe.

14:48.280 --> 14:55.160
A tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.

14:55.160 --> 15:00.520
So I showed beer in the town that night, along with some reporters, and without the preculent

15:00.520 --> 15:06.120
Mr. T. As I told Thompson, it was no skin off me if he bought his own dinner.

15:06.120 --> 15:11.440
Anyway I was, I was real glad that beer and I could finish that evening alone.

15:11.440 --> 15:15.200
It was a last night spot scheduled and therefore on the cut.

15:15.200 --> 15:19.280
The place was jumping and the newsboys was having a high old time.

15:19.280 --> 15:21.720
Carson, Carson another round of drinks here.

15:21.720 --> 15:23.720
That's the way to talk, Auntie Boy.

15:23.720 --> 15:24.720
How about champagne?

15:24.720 --> 15:27.720
Yeah, you know what the bureau looks cheap, Auntie Boy.

15:27.720 --> 15:29.720
What about my dance with Miss Valerie?

15:29.720 --> 15:31.560
Well I'm willing and waiting.

15:31.560 --> 15:33.440
Now wait, wait up boys.

15:33.440 --> 15:35.440
While you're still sober and able to listen.

15:35.440 --> 15:36.440
Space, space, space.

15:36.440 --> 15:40.000
I got an announcement to make.

15:40.000 --> 15:44.560
You ought to all be at the airport tomorrow night for Transworld's part in this stunt.

15:44.560 --> 15:45.560
The free pass.

15:45.560 --> 15:46.560
Where to, Algy?

15:46.560 --> 15:47.560
Who's going?

15:47.560 --> 15:48.560
The free pass it is.

15:48.560 --> 15:51.340
But I want you boys to have a little suspense.

15:51.340 --> 15:54.400
Just be at the airport from 10 p.m. on.

15:54.400 --> 15:57.560
One or another of our two winners will be taking off for parts unknown.

15:57.560 --> 16:01.880
But who or where to, you gotta be there to see.

16:01.880 --> 16:03.520
Hey Buster, you didn't tell me yet.

16:03.520 --> 16:05.560
Well come on, let's you and me bunny hunt.

16:05.560 --> 16:08.800
Now drink up you mugs and don't be bashful about asking for more of the same.

16:08.800 --> 16:09.800
But Buster, you haven't told me.

16:09.800 --> 16:10.800
Come on, Pira.

16:10.800 --> 16:11.800
Oh Buster, tell me.

16:11.800 --> 16:12.800
Now come on, darling.

16:12.800 --> 16:13.800
Just snuggle up and dance.

16:13.800 --> 16:14.800
Smooth.

16:14.800 --> 16:26.800
I saw you and Thompson huddling at the Lion Farm.

16:26.800 --> 16:29.520
Yeah, well he was telling me that he's camera shy.

16:29.520 --> 16:30.920
Oh he is, isn't he?

16:30.920 --> 16:33.640
But later in my room Thompson showed his teeth.

16:33.640 --> 16:35.560
Said I should hand over that pass to Brazil or else.

16:35.560 --> 16:37.160
Oh look, we gotta tip off the cops.

16:37.160 --> 16:38.880
Oh sure honey, as soon as we got proof.

16:38.880 --> 16:39.880
Proof?

16:39.880 --> 16:40.880
Yeah.

16:40.880 --> 16:43.720
This bony blows in from Houston clutching a briefcase to his breast nearly blows his

16:43.720 --> 16:47.280
top when you pick him out of the crowd until you mention an airplane pass.

16:47.280 --> 16:48.280
It's not enough.

16:48.280 --> 16:49.280
Not enough.

16:49.280 --> 16:52.600
Look, if I call in the cops and Thompson turns out to be only a gink with a screw loose,

16:52.600 --> 16:53.600
I'm in trouble.

16:53.600 --> 16:54.600
Capital T trouble.

16:54.600 --> 16:56.920
You gotta see my side.

16:56.920 --> 16:58.520
Then what are you doing to get more proof?

16:58.520 --> 17:00.800
Ah, that's for you coming, beauty.

17:00.800 --> 17:04.600
You think you could get Thompson to flash some of that dough if he has it?

17:04.600 --> 17:05.600
Come again?

17:05.600 --> 17:08.080
Well, figure out some way to make him show his money.

17:08.080 --> 17:12.000
See if it comes out of the briefcase and if it's in big denomination bills.

17:12.000 --> 17:14.120
Oh yeah, maybe.

17:14.120 --> 17:16.440
Well, tackle him first thing in the morning.

17:16.440 --> 17:18.040
First thing in the morning, I'll get the ticket.

17:18.040 --> 17:21.240
Then the first chance we get, we compare notes.

17:21.240 --> 17:23.340
And if what I find out adds up.

17:23.340 --> 17:25.720
Then you be packed and ready to leave tomorrow night.

17:25.720 --> 17:26.720
To Brazil?

17:26.720 --> 17:27.720
Maybe I want to go later.

17:27.720 --> 17:29.720
And maybe I want to go to Honolulu.

17:29.720 --> 17:30.720
Maybe.

17:30.720 --> 17:34.760
After the spouting I just did to the reporters, somebody's gotta be in that plane or, bluey,

17:34.760 --> 17:37.280
my stunt.

17:37.280 --> 17:41.160
Which so far as this story goes, wound it up for that night.

17:41.160 --> 17:43.800
A down girl.

17:43.800 --> 17:46.240
Was she ever the deluxe type?

17:46.240 --> 17:50.400
I freely admit, she rocked me.

17:50.400 --> 17:54.960
Yeah, well, come morning I was up with the birds at thereabouts.

17:54.960 --> 17:59.160
I checked and found out that Vera had last sued Mr. Thompson for breakfast.

17:59.160 --> 18:00.800
So far so good.

18:00.800 --> 18:03.400
So I hustled myself down to Transworld and got the ticket.

18:03.400 --> 18:05.880
A long green strip of confetti.

18:05.880 --> 18:07.760
Real and returned.

18:07.760 --> 18:10.720
Then the big day commenced and Thompson came along.

18:10.720 --> 18:12.560
No doubt to keep an eye on me.

18:12.560 --> 18:17.220
So me and Vera weren't able to huddle until some hours later on a sound stage out of colossus

18:17.220 --> 18:18.220
pictures.

18:18.220 --> 18:22.640
When they've got this shot lined up I'll introduce you folks to Vincent.

18:22.640 --> 18:23.640
He's the director.

18:23.640 --> 18:25.840
I'm producing this.

18:25.840 --> 18:27.920
Mr. Thompson, did you say you were in rugs?

18:27.920 --> 18:28.920
Yes, retired.

18:28.920 --> 18:31.400
The rug we use in this set might interest you.

18:31.400 --> 18:33.520
That's a good idea, Arthur.

18:33.520 --> 18:35.240
Give the rug a once over, Mr. T.

18:35.240 --> 18:36.240
This way, Mr. Thompson.

18:36.240 --> 18:37.840
You see in a picture the producer...

18:37.840 --> 18:40.080
Buster, I got him to show me his money.

18:40.080 --> 18:41.080
Yeah?

18:41.080 --> 18:42.080
Out of the briefcase?

18:42.080 --> 18:43.080
Yeah.

18:43.080 --> 18:44.080
He took the briefcase along to breakfast.

18:44.080 --> 18:45.080
How'd you work it?

18:45.080 --> 18:47.160
Well, I ordered everything I could see on the menu.

18:47.160 --> 18:48.160
Yeah, yeah.

18:48.160 --> 18:50.600
When we brought our check it was almost 16 bucks.

18:50.600 --> 18:51.600
Oh, ho, ho.

18:51.600 --> 18:54.280
Well, I fished around and my person said, how perfectly awful.

18:54.280 --> 18:57.080
I've only got a dollar seventy-five to my name.

18:57.080 --> 18:59.800
You will have to pay the check, Mr. T., and let me pay you back.

18:59.800 --> 19:00.800
Oh, ho, ho, ho.

19:00.800 --> 19:03.920
Well, the waiter was standing off giving us a cold eye.

19:03.920 --> 19:09.120
So Thompson unzips his briefcase a couple of inches and fishes out a five hundred dollar

19:09.120 --> 19:10.120
bill.

19:10.120 --> 19:11.120
Five six?

19:11.120 --> 19:12.120
I could have died.

19:12.120 --> 19:15.920
I stared till I was bug-eyed trying to read the serial number.

19:15.920 --> 19:18.360
Buster, you're gonna be proud of me.

19:18.360 --> 19:20.360
The number was C1240653.

19:20.360 --> 19:21.360
What?

19:21.360 --> 19:24.040
You remembered the whole number?

19:24.040 --> 19:25.040
Yeah.

19:25.040 --> 19:26.040
I got a mind for numbers.

19:26.040 --> 19:27.840
Never forget a phone number or an address.

19:27.840 --> 19:30.200
What are you looking at?

19:30.200 --> 19:32.000
This is the list of serial numbers.

19:32.000 --> 19:34.000
Say that number again, doll.

19:34.000 --> 19:35.000
C1240653.

19:35.000 --> 19:36.000
That's it.

19:36.000 --> 19:39.720
One of the bills from the Pikesville holdup.

19:39.720 --> 19:42.560
But if the hotel got it they may check.

19:42.560 --> 19:43.560
No, they don't have it.

19:43.560 --> 19:47.360
All of a sudden Thompson grabbed the bill back and said we don't have to pay for breakfast.

19:47.360 --> 19:48.360
That's part of the prize.

19:48.360 --> 19:49.360
We're rolling.

19:49.360 --> 19:50.360
Quiet.

19:50.360 --> 19:51.360
Quiet, please.

19:51.360 --> 19:54.000
So Mr. T thinks he can play her up with me, eh?

19:54.000 --> 19:55.000
One hundred grand.

19:55.000 --> 19:56.480
So now will you call the cops?

19:56.480 --> 19:57.880
Not so fast, honey.

19:57.880 --> 19:58.880
You said you'd let me handle this.

19:58.880 --> 19:59.880
Quiet.

19:59.880 --> 20:00.880
We're rolling.

20:00.880 --> 20:05.440
Elsie, shut up before I have you thrown out.

20:05.440 --> 20:10.600
Which is how they sometimes treat us flacks in Hollywood and us the backbone of the industry.

20:10.600 --> 20:13.080
Yeah, well, that's pictures.

20:13.080 --> 20:16.840
But I let it ride this time since it got me out of a tight squeeze with Vera.

20:16.840 --> 20:19.560
You see, this is how I had it figured.

20:19.560 --> 20:21.720
I'd put it up to Thompson what I knew.

20:21.720 --> 20:25.480
Then if he didn't cut me in for a healthy slice of a hundred G's, there was always the

20:25.480 --> 20:29.240
cops from whom there was undoubtedly a big reward.

20:29.240 --> 20:33.440
That way I could play for the big money and still hedge my bet.

20:33.440 --> 20:35.000
But I put it this way to Vera.

20:35.000 --> 20:38.840
I said, look, look, cream girl, you'll be ready to leave.

20:38.840 --> 20:39.840
That's all.

20:39.840 --> 20:42.240
Oh, what time does the plane take off, did you say?

20:42.240 --> 20:43.240
1140.

20:43.240 --> 20:46.000
We ought to leave here by 11.

20:46.000 --> 20:47.720
And what happens to Thompson, Buster?

20:47.720 --> 20:52.120
Well, I'll get everything set for a quiet pinch just after we leave.

20:52.120 --> 20:56.000
It'll louse up the stunt doll if it gets out that the Bureau picked a hood for this world.

20:56.000 --> 20:58.640
I got to protect my client, you understand?

20:58.640 --> 21:00.640
Oh, sure, Buster.

21:00.640 --> 21:05.920
I understand.

21:05.920 --> 21:10.240
So Vera was set up to take Mr. Thompson's place if it was no deal with him.

21:10.240 --> 21:16.360
If it was a deal, then Thompson would fly off to Brazil, leaving me unexpectedly wealthy.

21:16.360 --> 21:22.520
I was sure Vera was a sensible type doll, not adverse to knowing a Joe who was in the

21:22.520 --> 21:23.520
chips.

21:23.520 --> 21:27.640
Well, along about 930, I went knocking at Thompson's door.

21:27.640 --> 21:29.640
Come in.

21:29.640 --> 21:33.200
Well, sir, another day of California sunshine.

21:33.200 --> 21:34.200
Oh, you got it.

21:34.200 --> 21:37.920
You, uh, you said we'd have another talk.

21:37.920 --> 21:38.920
Talk's cheap.

21:38.920 --> 21:40.360
All right, I'll level with you.

21:40.360 --> 21:42.280
I know your name isn't Thompson.

21:42.280 --> 21:44.420
I know why you didn't like being picked for this stunt.

21:44.420 --> 21:48.520
I know what's in that briefcase, and I know why you want to fly the coupe.

21:48.520 --> 21:49.760
Huh?

21:49.760 --> 21:51.880
You spoke yesterday about a deal.

21:51.880 --> 21:52.880
Yeah.

21:52.880 --> 21:53.880
How much?

21:53.880 --> 21:54.880
Fifty.

21:54.880 --> 21:55.880
Fifty dollars?

21:55.880 --> 21:56.880
Don't play footsie with me, Thompson.

21:56.880 --> 21:57.880
Fifty grand.

21:57.880 --> 21:58.880
Fifty thousand dollars.

21:58.880 --> 21:59.880
Fifty thousand dollars?

21:59.880 --> 22:02.360
With hot money like that, I'll have to trade off at a discount.

22:02.360 --> 22:06.080
But you'll be in Brazil getting your money's worth dollar for dollar.

22:06.080 --> 22:08.480
Just take your briefcase, Mr. T, and unzip.

22:08.480 --> 22:10.360
Just what do you think I have in this briefcase?

22:10.360 --> 22:11.360
I don't think.

22:11.360 --> 22:12.360
I know.

22:12.360 --> 22:13.920
Look, I'll tell you who I am and why.

22:13.920 --> 22:14.920
All about it.

22:14.920 --> 22:15.920
Time's a-wasting, Mr. Thompson.

22:15.920 --> 22:17.200
In ten minutes, I'll call the cops.

22:17.200 --> 22:18.200
My name's Kirkwood.

22:18.200 --> 22:20.560
I came on the Chicago plane, not the one from Houston.

22:20.560 --> 22:22.400
Ah, Vera was on the Chicago plane.

22:22.400 --> 22:23.400
She never saw you.

22:23.400 --> 22:25.840
I came to Los Angeles to kill myself, Mr. Zant.

22:25.840 --> 22:29.120
To kill myself in such a way that I could never be identified.

22:29.120 --> 22:30.120
I'm going blind.

22:30.120 --> 22:32.480
I'll be totally blind six months from now.

22:32.480 --> 22:33.760
Oh, come now.

22:33.760 --> 22:34.760
Really.

22:34.760 --> 22:35.760
What are you giving me, Thompson?

22:35.760 --> 22:36.760
Five years.

22:36.760 --> 22:39.560
Five years I went to ice specialists, New York, Philadelphia, Canada, spent every cent

22:39.560 --> 22:41.040
I had trying to find a cure.

22:41.040 --> 22:43.480
Look, I got no time to brandish words with you.

22:43.480 --> 22:46.800
Then I heard of this one doctor, a Viennese refugee, lives in Rio.

22:46.800 --> 22:49.480
He's cured cases like mine, but my money was gone.

22:49.480 --> 22:50.840
Look, I'm gonna fall.

22:50.840 --> 22:52.960
Oh, why don't you believe me?

22:52.960 --> 22:54.920
I have a daughter, Mr. Zant.

22:54.920 --> 22:56.760
All I can leave her is my insurance.

22:56.760 --> 23:03.080
I thought if I disappeared, if it could never be proved, I killed myself.

23:03.080 --> 23:05.800
That's why I didn't want to be recognized.

23:05.800 --> 23:08.960
That's why I grabbed for this wonderful chance this free trip to Brazil.

23:08.960 --> 23:11.360
And the briefcase, Mr. T, what's in the briefcase?

23:11.360 --> 23:12.360
Dynamite.

23:12.360 --> 23:13.360
What?

23:13.360 --> 23:14.360
Dynamite?

23:14.360 --> 23:15.360
I bet it's dynamite.

23:15.360 --> 23:16.360
You're some joker, Thompson.

23:16.360 --> 23:18.400
Were you gonna kill yourself with dynamite?

23:18.400 --> 23:21.560
So I couldn't be identified, yes.

23:21.560 --> 23:24.720
Let me see the dynamite, Mr. T, the crisp green dynamite.

23:24.720 --> 23:26.320
Don't touch that briefcase, Zant.

23:26.320 --> 23:27.320
Buster.

23:27.320 --> 23:30.160
Hey, Buster, I've been turning the place inside out to find you.

23:30.160 --> 23:31.560
Vera, leave us be.

23:31.560 --> 23:34.440
But I just remembered it's daylight saving time here on the coast.

23:34.440 --> 23:36.440
My plane leaves an hour earlier.

23:36.440 --> 23:44.600
Buster, watch out!

23:44.600 --> 23:48.760
When I came to, there was Roman candles going off in my head and Vera was tied to a chair

23:48.760 --> 23:51.200
with a towel stuffed in her mouth.

23:51.200 --> 23:54.840
The airplane think it was going out of my wallet, of course, but I saw by my watch there

23:54.840 --> 23:55.840
was still time.

23:55.840 --> 23:59.640
Ten minutes later, we was in my car, Vera and halfway to the airport.

23:59.640 --> 24:03.360
I took a shortcut up through the hills and kept the gas pedal flat on the floor.

24:03.360 --> 24:05.600
It was a while before Vera said anything.

24:05.600 --> 24:09.240
Buster, this will really blow up your stunt if you have Thompson pinched at the airport.

24:09.240 --> 24:11.080
No two-bit hood's gonna push me around.

24:11.080 --> 24:14.880
Well, let's see if we can figure some way to get me on the plane quiet.

24:14.880 --> 24:17.800
Then after I've left, I'll...

24:17.800 --> 24:18.800
You nailed Thompson.

24:18.800 --> 24:19.800
Forget it.

24:19.800 --> 24:20.800
Forget the stunt, doll.

24:20.800 --> 24:21.800
Now I'm out for blood.

24:21.800 --> 24:22.800
What time does that plane leave?

24:22.800 --> 24:23.800
I forgot.

24:23.800 --> 24:25.520
1140 daylight saving, 1040 standard.

24:25.520 --> 24:26.520
That Thompson.

24:26.520 --> 24:29.960
He claimed he came in on the other plane, not the one from Houston.

24:29.960 --> 24:30.960
No kidding.

24:30.960 --> 24:32.040
I said right off.

24:32.040 --> 24:34.480
You wouldn't know if he was on the same plane as you.

24:34.480 --> 24:35.480
That's right, Buster.

24:35.480 --> 24:38.200
And then when I ask about the briefcase, he says it's dynamite.

24:38.200 --> 24:41.120
After you saw that $500 bill with a serial number.

24:41.120 --> 24:42.120
That's right, Buster.

24:42.120 --> 24:44.800
Thompson didn't know the combination he was up against.

24:44.800 --> 24:46.640
Me and a sharp doll like you.

24:46.640 --> 24:47.960
That's right, Buster.

24:47.960 --> 24:49.900
You spotting that headline right off.

24:49.900 --> 24:52.760
And remembering that serial number 100%, that's...

24:52.760 --> 24:56.800
Yeah, it's funny, though.

24:56.800 --> 24:57.800
What's funny?

24:57.800 --> 25:01.640
Well, that you couldn't remember your room number or the time the plane leaves.

25:01.640 --> 25:04.280
If you got the memory you say you have...

25:04.280 --> 25:05.280
That's right, Buster.

25:05.280 --> 25:08.280
Hey, it's you.

25:08.280 --> 25:09.280
It isn't Thompson.

25:09.280 --> 25:11.120
You're the Texas hoodlum.

25:11.120 --> 25:12.840
This gun's loaded, Buster.

25:12.840 --> 25:14.560
Turn off at the next side road.

25:14.560 --> 25:16.340
You came on the Houston plane.

25:16.340 --> 25:17.600
You played me for a sucker.

25:17.600 --> 25:19.360
I played you for what you are.

25:19.360 --> 25:20.360
Step on it.

25:20.360 --> 25:22.560
Every last lead I got on Thompson, I got from you.

25:22.560 --> 25:24.640
If I ever trust another doll...

25:24.640 --> 25:26.840
You won't live to worry about it, Buster.

25:26.840 --> 25:27.840
Turn.

25:27.840 --> 25:28.840
Turn right here.

25:28.840 --> 25:36.840
Well, I'm kind of ticklish, so with Vera's gun nudging my ribs, I turn.

25:36.840 --> 25:38.880
It's an old car, pre-war.

25:38.880 --> 25:41.160
It sounded like it was splitting at the seams.

25:41.160 --> 25:44.640
She jabbed my ribs again and I pushed the gas down and gave her everything she'd taken

25:44.640 --> 25:45.640
and...

25:45.640 --> 25:48.160
End of the road doll, it's the cops.

25:48.160 --> 25:52.920
I don't see any cops.

25:52.920 --> 25:54.640
But you see, I got the gun doll.

25:54.640 --> 25:56.480
You see that, don't you?

25:56.480 --> 25:57.760
Old Josephine here.

25:57.760 --> 25:58.880
She has a lovely habit.

25:58.880 --> 26:01.400
You give her too much gas, she resents it.

26:01.400 --> 26:02.400
She backfires.

26:02.400 --> 26:03.880
Bang, bang, bang.

26:03.880 --> 26:07.200
Which is tough on a doll's nerves if she's as jumpy as you are.

26:07.200 --> 26:08.920
Buster, look.

26:08.920 --> 26:10.720
You couldn't make a deal, could you?

26:10.720 --> 26:12.200
Say, 50 grand?

26:12.200 --> 26:19.320
Say, that wouldn't be ethical.

26:19.320 --> 26:23.040
Which was the truth, but not quite the whole truth.

26:23.040 --> 26:27.400
It was worth kissing 50 grand goodbye to turn Vera in after she conned me the way I did

26:27.400 --> 26:34.800
because one thing I can't stand, being taken over the hurdles by a doll.

26:34.800 --> 26:37.200
So that wound up the stunt.

26:37.200 --> 26:38.200
Thompson?

26:38.200 --> 26:40.760
Oh, he took off, okay.

26:40.760 --> 26:43.640
And the doctor in Rio handled his case.

26:43.640 --> 26:46.800
His eyes are 100% now without cheaters.

26:46.800 --> 26:48.120
Me?

26:48.120 --> 26:52.000
Well, this Fourth of July, I have nothing on the docket.

26:52.000 --> 26:55.200
But have I dreamed up one whale of a stunt for Thanksgiving?

26:55.200 --> 26:57.440
Now, see what you think.

26:57.440 --> 27:02.280
The moviegoer who arrives at Grauman's Chinese exactly at midnight gets a free mandarin's

27:02.280 --> 27:16.960
uniform, all the chopped soy he can eat.

27:16.960 --> 27:20.200
Suspense presented by Auto Light.

27:20.200 --> 27:23.080
Tonight's star, Mr. Jack Carson.

27:23.080 --> 27:25.880
Say Wilcox, have you made the Auto Light team?

27:25.880 --> 27:28.640
Well, you might say I'm a pitcher, Hap.

27:28.640 --> 27:33.280
I make the pitch for more than 400 products made by Auto Light for cars, trucks, planes,

27:33.280 --> 27:36.480
and boats in 28 plants coast to coast.

27:36.480 --> 27:40.440
These include complete electrical systems used as original equipment on many makes of

27:40.440 --> 27:42.480
America's finest cars.

27:42.480 --> 27:48.120
Generators, coils, distributors, voltage regulators, wire and cables, starting motors, electric

27:48.120 --> 27:53.600
windshield wipers, all engineered to fit together perfectly, work together perfectly because

27:53.600 --> 27:56.000
they're a perfect team.

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So friends, if your Auto Light equipped car needs replacement parts, ask for and insist

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on Auto Light original factory parts at your neighborhood service station, car dealer,

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garage, or repair shop.

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Remember, you're always right with Auto Light.

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Next Thursday for Suspense, our stars will be Kathy and Elliot Lewis.

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The play is called Love, Honor, and Murder.

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It is, as we say, a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.

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Tonight's Suspense play was produced and edited by William Spear and directed by Norman McDonald.

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Music for Suspense is composed by Rene Garagank and Lucian Morrowek and conducted by Lud Bluskin.

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The One Millionth Joe is an original play written for radio by Sylvia Richards.

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Jack Carson may currently be seen in the Columbia picture, The Good Humor Man.

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Don't forget, next Thursday, same time, Auto Light will present Suspense, starring Kathy

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and Elliot Lewis.

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You can buy world famous Auto Light resistor or standard spark plugs, Auto Light staple

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batteries, Auto Light electrical parts at your neighborhood Auto Light dealers.

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Switch to Auto Light.

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Good night.

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The American economic system has brought greater material benefits to more people than any

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other system the world has ever known.

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Because we have been able to produce more per man and per machine, we have been able

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to live better and enjoy our individual freedom.

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Learn more about your part in the American way of life.

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Write to Suspense, Box 10, Times Square Station, New York City, for the free booklet, The Miracle

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of America.

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This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

