Roma wines present, Suspense.
Roma wines made in California for enjoyment throughout the world.
Salud.
Your health, Signor.
Roma wines toast the world.
The wine for your table is Roma wine, made in California for enjoyment throughout the
world.
This is the man in black here for the Roma Wine Company of Fresno, California, to introduce
this weekly half hour of Suspense.
Tonight from Hollywood, Roma wines bring you a star, Mr. Ed Gardner, better known to you
perhaps as Archie, the proprietor of Duffy's Tavern, where the elite are won to meet to
eat.
Mr. Gardner tonight makes his debut as a dramatic actor.
He will not appear tonight as Archie, but in a role entirely different from any he has
ever played before.
And so with a Suspense play called The Palmer Method, and with the performance of Ed Gardner
as a pen pushing gentleman named Joe Palmer, we again hope to keep you in Suspense.
Then I will be back at eight o'clock.
Okay, that'll be okay.
You will be waiting for me?
Oh, don't worry, babe.
I'll be here.
Oh, will I be here?
Dear friend Harry.
I'm sitting here the last 10 minutes knocking myself out laughing and wishing for somebody
to tell it to.
And then I get to thinking of you.
So I'm going to write you the whole story.
Harry, you got to admit that yours truly is one smart guy.
Because in about an hour, they're going to bring me so much dough, they got to bring
it in in a suitcase.
No kidding.
Of course, it's the Spanish mula, but even in the United States, it comes to about 10
grand.
But I better start from the beginning so you can get the whole play.
And if you don't say that your old pal is one smart guy, I am a monkey's uncle.
It all begins about four months ago in New York when I'm on a lamb and expecting any
minute that heavy hand is going to fall on my shoulders and I'm trying to think of something
to do about it, you know.
Happens I'm down to about three bucks, which makes the thinking a very tough proposition,
even for a bright guy like me.
Anyways, things being what they are, I naturally only go out at night.
So one night I'm walking through the park in Union Square, but still thinking, not getting
very far.
Election entry here.
FDR, a landslide.
Landon Swarthin, 46th stage.
Election extra paper, mister.
Huh?
Yeah, what a paper?
Latest election returns.
What election?
Are you kidding?
The election for president.
Roosevelt and Landon.
Here, get a paper and wise up.
For a punk like you, I should do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm going to do it.
For a punk like you, I should go all excited every time they have an election.
That wouldn't strain your mind, none.
They only happen once every four years.
Eh, don't be such a wise kid.
You want a paper or don't you?
Ah, sure.
Give me one.
Here, keep the change.
Ah, gee, thanks.
And let that be a lesson to you, not to get wise with guys that might do you some good
someday.
Well, thanks anyway.
Ficks free FDR, a landslide.
Landon Swarthin, 46th stage.
Landon, there are locations at North
Hey, you there.
You thinking of me?
Yeah, yeah. What's that guy all wound up about?
He's asking for volunteers for the Spanish Loyalist Army.
Oh, who are they fighting?
What's the matter? Don't you read the papers?
They're fighting a fascist revolt.
Listen, I got a paper here. You think I'm illiterate?
I just get kind of mixed up once in a while.
Yeah, they put out a lot of propaganda to confuse you.
With Hitler and Mussolini on Franco's side,
anybody can see what the score is now.
Oh, sure, sure. Anybody.
Fascist bomb Madrid.
I just wish sometimes I didn't have a wife and kids.
I'd go over there and get me a couple of licks at those guys.
Over to Spain, huh? Yeah.
They send you over there, buy you a ticket and all like that, don't they?
Sure, they pay for your transportation.
They raise quite a little money for that.
Hmm. You don't happen to know where they sign up for this army, do you?
Well, he'll sign you up right there.
Hey, you want to go?
Could be. Yeah. Why not?
Sure, why not?
You get to play, Harry? Not so dumb, huh?
I not only land out of the country till I cool off, but I get a free ticket.
It's what I always say, Harry, a guy with real brains can always get by.
Of course, I know strictly from nothing about this war,
but I naturally figure it's just one of them tango revolutions, you know,
like you see in the movies with a couple of guys riding around,
shooting off their rods at nothing in particular,
and pretty soon everybody goes home.
But sometimes I wish I had read more of the front pages of the papers a little more,
but when I get off the boat at Spain at a boat by the name of Barcelona,
I find out this ain't such a funny war after all.
This fascist mob is really knocking a joint around.
They're shooting going on and they're dropping bombs from airplanes,
and the next thing you know they got me in a uniform.
So I'm standing there on the railroad station with a bunch of other guys,
a whole mob of us, you know, it looked like the $2 winter at Belmont.
It seems that we're going away somewhere, honey.
Max, step up here, please. Max, your name, please?
Padway, George Padway.
Padway, jar number 336, car 7, compartment 3. Next, please.
Palmer, Joe Palmer.
How did you spell it, please?
P-A-L-M-E-R, like the Palmer method.
Oh, James Palmer, jar 337, car 7, compartment 3, with Padway.
Next, please, step up, please.
Hey, you, Padway.
Is someone calling me?
Yeah, come here. Look, my name is Joe Palmer.
You know, we're supposed to ride in the same compartment or something?
Oh, splendid. That's car 7. It's down this way, I imagine.
Well, glad you know. I can't make head in the tail out of these stinky rat lessons.
Of course. You're American, aren't you?
What else?
Here, let me give you a hand with your gear.
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
Hey, these guys over here take this war pretty serious, don't they?
Well, rather. What did you expect?
Yeah, yeah. From what I see around this bar saloon,
they're not supposed to mean like, if they ain't careful,
somebody's apt to labelled to get killed here.
Well, if you think this is bad, what about Madrid?
They're dying up there by the thousands.
Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. Madrid? Ain't that where this train is going?
Of course. They're sending us up to keep them out of University City, if we can.
And you say they're knocking them off up there by the thousands?
I'm afraid so.
That ain't good.
You're not worried, are you, old man?
Well, no, no, but I'm just thinking that...
Papers, please. Padway, 336.
No, no, no. I'm...
All in order.
Hey, wait a minute. You got us mixed up.
Papers!
Well, how do you like that?
It seemed they got us mixed up, what?
Yeah, yeah.
That would be funny, wouldn't it, if they got us mixed up?
You, Padway, and me.
Yeah, yeah, that would be funny, all right.
That would be very funny.
Tonight, for Suspense,
Roma wines bring you as star
radio's famous archie, Ed Gardner,
whom you've heard in the prologue to The Palmer Method
by Ernest Martin and Robert L. Richards.
Tonight's adventure in...
Suspense.
In this brief introduction,
we'll be talking about the
Roma wine of the year.
In this brief intermission in the play,
let us journey in fancy to Havana
and sit at a table in the gay restaurant Paris.
At the next table, we see a farewell party
given for an American visitor.
The American is wondering how he'll be able to repay
in his own country the hospitality shown him in Cuba.
Reassuringly, his Cuban host remarks,
es muy fácil, amigo.
Just be sure to serve wonderful Roma wine.
This is wine imported by us from your own country, Roma wine.
Indeed, Americans can well be proud
that judges of fine wines in so many lands
now acclaim the wines of California
among the world's most enjoyable of all time.
Of these truly superb wines,
Roma wines are America's largest selling wines.
If you aren't already one of the millions
enjoying Roma wines regularly,
as a delicious beverage any time,
to add sparkle to any meal,
or to entertain your entertaining,
make your own taste test to choose your favorite,
choosing from Roma wines many different wine types.
When you learn their modest cost here in America,
with no import duty to pay,
no expensive shipping charges to absorb,
you'll know why we say Roma wines
are for your daily enjoyment.
I'll spell out the name for you.
R-O-M-A.
Roma wines.
In California for enjoyment throughout the world.
And now let us return to Joe Palmer
as he sits in a hotel room in Spain writing a letter.
Ed Gardner is our star in The Palmer Method,
a tail-well calculator to keep you in suspense.
Well, Harry, there I was,
on a train heading straight for Madrid
where they're knocking guys off every five minutes,
which is naturally a little upsetting
to a sensitive person like me.
And anyways, I get to thinking about this pad-way guy
I'm riding with.
I can see there's something different about him
from the rest of these guys,
and I get to thinking about a plane.
I say, what in the world are you doing there?
You've been working your way at it the last half an hour.
Eh, I'm just practicing.
Practicing what?
The Palmer Method.
What in heaven's name is the Palmer Method?
You never heard of the Palmer Method?
It's penmanship, you know,
the way they learned you to write when you were a kid.
Some guy named Palmer invented it, you see.
You make these ovals and lines,
and pretty soon it'll teach you how to use your whole arm.
See? Makes you write and very pretty.
Aren't you a little old for that sort of thing?
Well, it depends on how you look at it.
With me, it's a business.
You're an instructor in penmanship?
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Instructor in penmanship.
What's so funny?
Well, look, when I was a punk kid in P.S. 4, you know,
the only subject I can pass is penmanship.
I'm a wizard, you know, so naturally,
my name being Palmer and all,
it's kind of a standard joke in a school, you know,
the kids that holler,
don't permit, he flunks in everything but writing.
That's the Palmer Method.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, that's how it started,
but now I still like to keep in practice,
because, well, like I say,
by this time, with me, it's a business.
But I still don't quite see how it can be much of a business.
You ask a lot of questions, don't you?
I'm terribly sorry, old man.
I don't mean to pry, you know.
Oh, it's all right.
What about you?
Me?
Yeah, how about me asking you a couple of questions?
Why, of course, anything you like.
You're English, eh?
That's right.
Yeah, I could tell that right away.
Really?
Yeah, I could also tell that you're not exactly a stumble bum.
I bet your old man is in the chips, eh?
You mean wealthy?
Matter of fact, he is, rather.
Hmm, maybe even a lord or something?
Oh, no, nothing like that, really.
Lesser nobility, you know.
Hmm, I thought so.
Big shot, huh?
You ever been to this Madrid before?
No, never have.
You know anybody there?
Not a soul, as a matter of fact.
Hmm.
At it again, I see.
I say, you know, you never did tell me about that Palmer business.
You mean, how come it's a business with me?
Mm-hmm.
I write checks.
Write checks?
Yeah, with other people's names on them.
I might add that I'm about the top man in the profession, too.
Oh, you're a...
Yeah, I guess they call it the same thing in England, don't they?
Forgery?
Oh, sure, I told him, so what?
He don't know anybody in this Madrid,
and I figure he ain't gonna know much about me,
and he ain't gonna say much, anyhow.
Although I still don't know quite how I'm gonna do it.
But then I get one of them breaks, Harry,
that even a smart guy needs sometimes.
By this time, it's night,
and we're rattling along with the lights out,
blackening the inside of a nickel cigar,
and I wait to see if maybe Padway will go to sleep or something.
Well, the next thing I know, I must have dozed off myself.
As I hear a noise and as I look out,
I see it's daylight already, and we're coming to a big burg.
Padway's awake too, and he's looking over at me.
You... you dropped something, Palmer?
No, I thought you did.
No? Well, oh, hello.
We must be getting into Madrid.
Sure enough, pulling into the station now.
Oh, that's great. That's fine.
I say, old boy, you look a bit peagas.
Anything wrong? No, no, no, I'm fine.
Hey, what was that?
A bomb, most likely. A bomb?
Yep. That's it, all right.
They're bombing the city, I suppose.
Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey, they ain't gonna bomb us, are they?
Why, Joe, I think they are.
What do we do, Padway? What do we do now?
Keep down on the floor and hope for the best.
The best better be awful good.
Oh, I must say.
Uh-oh, watch out for this one.
We do it.
Padway! Padway!
Honest, Harry, what happens to that train
should happen to Sing Sing present.
I look around and there's Padway over by the door,
out like a light.
I can see that he ain't long for this world, the poor guy.
Me, I'm lucky I don't have a scratch.
So naturally, now is when I go to work.
I go through his pockets and take out his papers.
There's a passport, some letters, and a wallet
with quite a bit of dough in it.
So I take a couple of things out of my own pocket
and I put them in his.
Only just then, Padway starts coming out of it.
Well, Harry, what would you do if you were me?
Like I say, I am opposed to violence as much as anybody.
But there he is, looking at me.
And the guy ain't gonna live long anyway.
So I grab me rifle and I tap him on the noggin.
Sure enough, he's gone again, but for good this time.
And not too soon because there's some guys
coming down to the rescue.
One of the guys pokes his head in the McDoor.
Come again?
You all right in here?
Yeah, I guess so. What happened?
Don't you know? You're lucky to be alive.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know, but this guy here,
he wasn't so lucky.
Huh? Oh. Dead, all right.
Do you know him?
Yeah, yeah, but I forget what name he told me.
He's got his papers on him, I think.
Oh, let me see here.
Oh, yes, Joseph Aloisius Palmer.
Oh, yeah, that was it, Palmer, yeah.
Poor fellow. Why?
He died in a good cause.
You're right there, brother. He certainly died in a good cause.
You get it, Harry?
Joe Palmer, who was wanted by the New York cops, is dead.
And George Padway, the big shot Englishman, is me.
So I duck out quick to a hotel, I get me a change of clothes,
and I figure maybe I better take a look through the rest of Padway stuff
to see if maybe I can get an angle.
Well, I find this letter on him from some guy named E. Valencos.
This letter says Valencos looks forward to meeting Padway
and names a time and a place.
Now, anybody else, Harry, this letter might have true for quite a loss,
but not yours truly, because I know that Valencos has never seen Padway.
The letter practically says that, and Padway himself has told me
he don't know nobody in Madrid. You catch on?
And I figure this Valencos is probably just a guy to get me out of this army.
So what do I do?
I simply take me pen and hand and I write a letter,
very nice and neat, in George Padway's handwriting.
Dear Valencos, I says, I will likewise look forward to meeting you
at the time and place you say. Signed, George Padway.
So the next night I go to keep the date.
No fooling, Harry, this Madrid is really in tough shape
since this fascist mob has been giving it the business.
People is all poor and hungry, especially the women and kids,
so naturally I feel sorry for them as I brush them off
and walk into this hot spot.
Well, I take a corner table and I tell the waiter
I'm expecting a Mr. Valencos.
So I'm sitting there practicing with me pencil and pencil
and paper, making me lines and circles,
and the next thing you know I ain't alone.
Hello.
Oh, hello, Toots, what's cooking?
What are you doing?
Just practicing.
Ah, what is it? A secret code?
Yeah, yeah, that's right, the palma code.
I like it. It's pretty.
Yeah, you ain't so unpretty yourself, do you?
You ain't so unpretty yourself, babe.
Only I got some business tonight.
Oh, aren't you going to ask me to have a drink?
Yeah, yeah, but look, how about getting out of here
and going someplace else for it, though, huh?
What about your business?
Well, with a babe like you around,
I'm afraid the business will have to wait a little.
Well, where shall we go?
How about going up to my hotel room?
You mean room 359?
Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. How did you know?
What is your name, senor?
George Padway. So what?
You are well known, senor.
Well, sure, but...
My name is Elena.
That's fine, Elena, but now about...
My last name is Villancos.
Villancos? Well, I'll be your monkey's uncle.
Oh, no, I do not think so.
So you're the Villancos I'm supposed to meet here.
Well, in that case, Elena, just call me George.
Of course, George.
But now, George, I think perhaps we had better go
to that hotel room of yours after all, huh?
Oh, sure, sure. It'd be a good idea.
But only for business, George.
Of course, naturally.
But there is one thing I cannot wait to do.
What's that?
Congratulate you.
Oh, thanks. For what?
For that troop train job, of course.
Oh, well, it wasn't nothing, really.
But there is still something I do not understand.
What's that, baby?
How did you manage to blow it up
while you yourself were on it?
Uh, uh...
Well, uh, look, let's go up to the room.
We'll talk it all over, huh?
George, you still have not told me
how you blew up the train and did not get killed yourself.
Well, do I have to tell you everything?
Oh, perhaps that is why you are so successful, huh?
You have your little secrets.
Hmm, trade secrets.
There's secrets in every trade, you know.
But of course I forget.
You got your training with the Gestapo in Berlin.
They, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They taught me a couple of things.
Tell me, were you in contact
with the firm of Krupp when you were in Berlin?
Well, I saw something of them, naturally.
And what about Deutsche Farbenindustrie?
Uh, very fine firm.
I guess there's a lot of dough on our side, huh?
Oh, but of course we have the money.
The others, uh, the scum.
They have the rags on their backs.
And a few rifles they get from the Bolsheviks.
Yeah, sure, but about this money.
Yes, George?
You see, the fact is I'm a little short myself.
Well, we always have more work for you to do.
Oh, sure, but first, don't you think that...
Ah, so that is why you are so suspicious with me.
You want first the money.
Well, that's the usual way, ain't it?
But of course I can arrange that.
How much do you want?
I figure this job is worth.
Well, perhaps as much as 50,000 pesetas.
How much is that in United States dollars?
I mean pounds.
About a thousand pounds?
A thousand.
I don't think I can do for that kind of dough.
A thousand pounds is a lot of money, George.
Yeah, but think of the expenses.
What expenses?
Well, things like, well, this dynamite, for instance.
You know, you don't get that stuff for peanuts.
Oh, George, you are teasing me.
I will get you all the dynamite you want for nothing.
Well, how about the element of personal risk?
This racket ain't exactly the healthiest in the world, neither, you know.
There you are right, George.
It is a risky profession to be a fascist saboteur.
That's what I'm telling you.
How much do you want?
Well, I don't see how I can play ball for less than 100,000 of them pesetas.
Very well, we will pay it.
Well, that's well, you toots.
How soon can I have the dough?
I will have it here within an hour.
Okay, it's a deal.
And then maybe you and me will still have time to go out on a little bender, huh?
Yes, perhaps we will.
And look, make it small bills, will you?
They're easier to handle.
It's a lot of money, but my friends and I will bring it in a suitcase.
Well, and one thing, Alina, for this next job, you might have to help me get out of the country for a little while.
You know, I got certain arrangements that I got to make.
There will be no trouble there, I can assure you.
Well, that's a real pal, Alina. I won't forget it, neither.
I know you won't, George.
Oh, George, there is one thing.
Just a little formality so I can be sure to get the money.
Oh, sure, babe, anything you say.
Will you write a little note for me so they will know I contacted you, you see?
A note? What does the note say?
Oh, just something like, I, Padwee, have contacted Alina Biljankos and we are agreed on future procedure.
Well, I guess that'll be all right.
Okay, I have contacted Alina Biljankos and we are agreed on future procedure.
Sign, George Padwee.
There you are, okay.
Thank you, George.
Well, I think you better run along now, huh?
Then I will be back at eight o'clock.
Okay, that'll be okay.
You will be waiting for me?
Don't worry, babe, I'll be here.
Oh, brother, will I be here?
So now, Harry, you can see why I'm practically killing myself laughing while I'm writing this letter.
Of course, while I'm writing that note and Padwee's handwriting, I can hardly keep my face straight, you know, it's so right up me alley.
Only thing that worries me a little is me conscience, if you can call that what I got a conscience on.
It kind of really makes me sort of where this fascist mob I'm hooked up with is kicking the rest of the people around.
However, I'm in up to me ears now too, so I got to think about yours truly first, right?
But maybe when I get in a clear someday, I'll figure out a way to get a crack at these guys myself when I kind of believe me, Harry.
I think a fascist is really a bunch of no good crumbs.
And I guess that'll even have to go for a leaner.
But now the hour's about up and I think I hear somebody coming down the hall now.
I'll tell you the payoff for all this when I see you in a little old New York.
In the meantime, Harry, keep your shirt on and try not to die from envy of your old friend Joe Palmer.
Okay, babe, I'm coming.
Well, right on time, huh?
Yes, then your pathway. This is in your Martinez, then your frontier.
Oh, hi, you got the old suitcase.
I have any trouble getting a dough.
No, no trouble.
Well, maybe we better open it up and count it.
You know, just in case.
Yes, I think we should go on.
Open it.
Yes, you know, I never would.
Hey, what's that Tommy gun doing in there?
Where's the dough?
What's the matter?
Are you afraid?
My fascist friend?
What?
What about you?
Thank you.
Ah, not quite. I am an agent of the Republic of Spain, Senor Padway.
We have been waiting a long time to trap you, my friend, but now we bring you your reward.
Elena, wait a minute, wait a minute. Tell that guy to put that gun away.
You got to let me explain. I ain't no fascist. My name ain't even Padway.
My name is Joe Palmer. I'm an American guy. I just come over here to fight for your side.
No, no kidding. You can find it out from your friends in New York.
I'm the guy that even killed Padway.
Who wrote the letter to me? Who wrote the note for me tonight in the handwriting that we even compared with all our other correspondents with Padway just to make sure?
Well, I did, sure, but that's me racket, handwriting, forgery. I'm telling you, I'm Joe Palmer.
Can you prove it?
Sure I can.
I guess maybe I can't, huh?
The handwriting.
Yeah, it's like I said to Padway, I'm the best in the business. It's kind of funny now, ain't it?
We're wasting time.
Okay. Guess there's no use talking. Guess I've been a heel. I outsmarted myself.
But I want you to know one thing. I was really kind of on a level in my own way towards the end, but oh, what's the difference?
Just one thing I want you to know for your own information. I'm swearing. The guy you're bumping off is Joe Palmer of the International Big Grade.
Palmer? Like the...
Oh, I'm not finished.
Palmer.
A smart agent. One must say that for him.
Yes, she was very, very smart.
And so closes The Palmer Method starring Ed Gardner, tonight's tale of suspense.
Before Mr. Gardner returns to our microphone, let me give you a suggestion that you will find can add to the success of your next dinner party at home.
At one end of the dining table, place a bottle of Roma wine's hearty full-bodied burgundy.
At the other table end, place a bottle of Roma wine's delicately delicious sauternes.
Then let each of your guests select the Roma wine to his liking.
You will know that whatever the individual choice of a guest, both of these Roma California wines will delight by their superb quality.
The quality that has made Roma wines America's largest selling wines.
In Roma, you have the old world art of winemaking, plus the extra care, constant tasting and testing, which modern knowledge adds.
While the superb quality of these good Roma wines will win your full accord with the judgment of wine experts of many lands that Roma wines are truly magnificent.
Let me repeat the name, R-O-M-A Roma wines, made in California for enjoyment throughout the world.
Well, this is Ed Gardner, earlier Saatchi speaking again.
It's been a great pleasure to be on suspense on account of it's one of my favorite shows.
Next week, I hope you'll all be listening into the show like the gang of toughies all will be when the star will be Gene Kelly. Thank you.
Suspense is produced and directed by William Spear. Don't forget then next Thursday for Gene Kelly in Suspense.
Presented by Roma wines, R-O-M-A, made in California for enjoyment throughout the world.
This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.